RIP Arpad

February 5, 2013
Category: Porn

One of our favorite porn daddies is gone from this earth. It was reported that Arpad Miklos is dead at 45 from an apparent suicide. I've been a huge fan of Arpad since I first saw him on screen and it's terrible tragedy that he's passed. I had the pleasure of meeting him through one of my friends and he was extremely nice and down to earth. For being one of the hottest daddy types around, he sure seemed sweet.

Over the past few years we've focused a lot on gay teen suicide, but it's not just teens we should be paying attention to. As gay men we go through a lot in our lives. From shame to struggling to find our place even in our own community, it can take a toll on you mentally and physically. Mental illness is far too prevalent in this country and often times there are ways in which we can all help our fellow brothers and sisters cope that many of us overlook. If you or a friend or loved one is showing signs of depression, please reach out to them or find someone who can. I want to highlight the suicide prevention hotline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255) in case anyone is currently in need of a lifeline. I'm a huge advocate for therapy for everyone, but gay men especially could use some extra care. You can also find plenty of gay support groups across the country where one can go to find strength when you need it most.

Please feel free to use this forum as a soundboard as well - we're all good guys here facing the same challenges. Let's support each other as best we can.

Tags: Death, Porn Stars, Arpad Miklos, Suicide
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Post written by RobHeartsDH (View Author Profile)
About this author: Rob lives in Manhattan with his black pug Riley. When he’s not thinking about daddies, he enjoys writing, eating burritos, watching copious amounts of television, and thinking about his next meal.
View all posts by RobHeartsDH


RIP :(

we never know what a person goes through till we walk in his shoes.........

I'm surprised that I am the first to provide a comment but here it goes. I read somewhere that one of his best friends would burden him with his issues, problems and concerns and when attempting to reciprocate received very short, if any, responses. This is often an overlooked symptom. This is not to say that everybody should wear everything on their sleeve but when a person is shy, as he was well known to be, ones friends should work harder to provide opportunities for drawing those persons out. Its so easy to conclude that celebrities and people who appear comfortable in their own skin don't have the same issues as us neurotic beings. They may well have master the art of evading through facade. I have an acquaintance in SF who is both a well known and liked porn star and director that I get concerned about especially when events like this occur. These are good people who deserve our tough love and support enough to push the envelope to assure they are as mentally stable as we would like them to be while under the pressures of their chosen profession.


Oh wow! He was a hottest daddy I ever seen in porn flick and one of my favorite porn star. I always dream of meeting him in person, hanging out with him, playing with him and other things I can think of.

I pray for his safety and that he rest peacefully. He will always be remembered :-(

Remembered by whom? I certainly hope Arpad doesn't go down in the annals of LGBT history as some sort of martyr, because he's obviously not. He's just a porn star and as we all known, porn stars don't have souls. They are blank vessels through which Lucifer operates.

Grow up....

Hmmmm, I was certain that all gay men (such as yourself and I, of course), were those devoid vessels. Oh well, I feel much better now, knowing that it is only porn stars....thank you! Way to go!

I disagree with you. He definitely had and has a soul. Has anyone stopped however, to consider that his chosen "profession" as a porn actor and his lifestyle may have had a lot to do with the despair that assumedly drove him to take his own life, that wounded his soul deeply? It is a bit disturbing to read some of these comments here that concentrate on the sexual aspects of his life and how he affected them sexually and erotically. Sadly, that is an all too common and shallow response, more juvenile than anything and self centered. How many in the porn industry have paid the ultimate price for their decisions?



of all the things in the world to say after someone takes their life, this has to be the coldest in history. When I struggled to look at myself and reject the nonsense my family had piled on me, I saw this man one day in an online article and never saw one movie. As soon as I saw him, I told myself "I'm coming out!" Then I learned he was in porn and asked myself if he's a role-model or a catalyst? I didn't know then and don't know tonight reading this. I do know after you take in account who we love, gays aren't any different than straights. So he Made porn? It might not be what you want to see on capital hill working for our rights but extreme as it is, he was showing us what loving another man can be like.

You show what hate is like. I bet Lucifer loves you more.

i love your well written and thought out response to the other writer.
Good for you.

shouldn't you be on your knees, working a glory hole somewhere?

Awesome!!! Great one ;-)

I think the only blank vessel soul which Lucifer is working with, is yours. Stop being mean and have a heart whatever his profession was, he is a creation of God a creation of mother Earth.
Do not indulge in silly prejudices, if he was a Porn star then let him be. You are still alive and he has departed, respect that fact since you do not know when your time will come.

what an insensitive and ignorant remark..... i am sure your life is viewed by many as meaningless and empty ....not to mention bitter

Sadly, one of the things we do when we're down, is to go into our shell, to become silent, to lock ourselves away, and not want to talk with anyone. It's a Catch-22 situation for your friends, as, as GCDMoney said, we may evade by facade. I feel for anyone who finds themselves in the hole. Sometimes it's easy to clamber out of, other times, it takes a while, and for some, they cannot even see the light at the top of the hole, see no hope, and end it. My heart goes out to anyone in that situation, and the friends and family of Arpad.

Thank you Rob for the very important message you're trying to get across by means of your article on such sad, sad circumstances and events. Suicide wins yet another tortured soul. When fighting such a cruel and harsh battle such as the one fought for the right to live a happy and seren life, it is vitally important to have the means of reaching out to a support hotline and you Rob, just got across, to many human beings that might deperately be in need, one of the most important support group telephone numbers, a group which truly conglomerates knowledgable and efficacious people who are promoting suicide prevention.
I myself have been a lucky, in my case incredibly lucky, survivor of numerous, extremely serious suicide attempts. I use the plural because I have, almost succesfully attempted to end my life 6 times. I have been re-animated and kept for days in the re-animation unit of every sigle hospital I, days later, luckily woke up in. Many nights in my sourrounding family's and my friend's lives have been unslept waiting and praying that I might make it through what doctors would call "the next hour". So many lucky coincidences have prevented suicide to claim my life yet now I realize I was beyond lucky and was also in my 20s and 30s with a strongly reactive body. Many might not or have not been able to claim to have had even one small fraction of my luck: too many people considering the modern days we live in. Psychiatric obstacles and illnesses still receive too little attention in comparison to the number of lives they claim.
To all who might be reading this and might be finding familiar situations resembling their own, or might be feeling, if even so very slightly, something moving within themselves I BEG YOU: PLEASE ASK FOR HELP! You will only show the strangth you possess, as it does take an enormous amount of strength for a human being to accept the fact they might actually need a temporary, or continuous, "crutch" to walk as best as possible upon life's path. Do not hesitate and do not wait.....obstacles don't just disappear, they actually keep growing in size and number. Pain will increase proportionately to the siza and number of your obstacle, of your "problems".
I possess now excellent knowledge of possibilities that exist all around us but epecially in Manhattan. I have survived and am proactively still fighting an incredible battle against a very difficult bipolar disorder. i am medicine resistant and have tried every single medication in all possible combinations during the almost 30 years of battle. i am now 42 and am aware of a miriad of support means, whether it be doctors or treatments or techniques or possibilities we have available. They exist but many don't know how or where or who to ask in order to have the possibility of getting better and living a happy life.
HAPPINESS IS A RIGHT AND A PREROGATIVE WE ALL HAVE.....sometimes we forget that and sometimes we might not believe we deserve it. We all do and we all were born strong: find that bit of extra strength you need and ask for help, will get better THIS I PROMISE. Thank you Rob. Goodbye Arpad.

Arpad was the best, so sweet and big and hairy and handsome and super hot. I had the great fortune of seeing Arpad out in the world, live, twice. Once I was driving down a street in Hollywood and came to a stop sign and Arpad was standing there, at the curb, waiting to cross. I wanted to stop and, I don't know what, but didn't, just kept driving. Many years later I was standing in the subway in New York and the doors opened and Arpad and a good looking companion walked in. I was holding onto a pole and Arpad came up to the pole and grabbed it. There I was with Arpad holding the same pole. But again, I was dumbstruck. I could barely breathe. Here was a man who had given me so much pleasure, and asked for nothing in return (well, I guess the fee for the movie rental in those days). I looked at him and his friend and thought that the way they were flirting was a prelude to the guy getting plowed by Arpad. Must have been a lot of pressure. When Arpad and his friend got off the train, I swore that I would speak to him if I ever saw him again. That I would thank him. Sorry that I don't have that I don't have that chance now.

I guess perfection has its price...what a waste.

This is so sad...he was one HOT DADDY who's porn will live on forever!! Our thoughts & prayers are with his family & friends!!! Love to you sexy will be SO MISSED!!!!

We as friends should always try to pay more attention to those we call friends. we are supposed to know what each other is going through and what we are feeling. Such a sad event possibly could have been averted if we paid more attention to one another. Sorry to see this happen to yet another talented person who I am sure battled for sometime with whatever was bothering him. Rest In Peace, gentle man!

not only in a pron daddies, but also the hottest daddies on music video. my Hood.

Check out:

"Hood" by Perfume Genius
A beautiful, sad/ weet video staring Arpad...
in this video he seems so strong, stoic and solid
holding and protecting his younger, frail looking companion-
but now to know that underneath
he was the one needing holding and protecting...

"I wish that I grew up the second I first held you in my arrrr-rrrmsss..." My ex and I enjoyed him, I learned "Hood" when our relationship was falling apart (not that either was too difficult to accomplish) Rest peacefully Arpad.

Trevor Lifeline 866 488 7386

the 'It Gets Better' Project online

Veterans Crisis Hotline 1-800-273-8255

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK

anyone ... anyone in that much pain or despair... PLEASE reach out to any of the above... there IS HELP, and WILL... it DOES get BETTER.

( I spend alot of time training my interns about suicide prevention and both gay and veterans issues )

FANTASTICK!!!!!! Hopefully out of this, there will come positive and successfull results for anybody who is suffering!
Thank you!!!

RIP Arpad'll never be forgotten!

I was shocked & stunned when I read this yesterday. Such a damn shame & great pity to have lost such a nice-looking guy, even more now that people who have met him also say he was just as nice on the inside. pity I never had a chance to meet him too, as impossible as it would seem.
May he R.I.P., and may his family, friends & relatives be comforted.
Arpad/Peter, you are are greatly missed & in my prayers. xxx from little Malta.

Gentlemen, if you ever find yorself conteplating this and you feel as though you have nowhere to turn, pick up the phone and call 911, go to an ER or a fire station - but get help from people who are trained to rescue and protect and ultimately help you to heal. I came very close to attempting one tme. I than I saw the friend who thought could help me get the drugs. I looked into his face, and even though I didn't care much about myself at tis point, I realized that it would have hurt him deeply had he helped me gets drugs and I had followed through. Most of us have more people who care about us than we might realze, and the pain that suiide causes in tose left behind is horribe.

Besides suicide is a terribly permanent solution to what are usually tempoary or manageable mental health issues. Eternity s also a very long tme.


I very rarely have crushes on porn stars and Arpad was literally my only one. He was gorgeous and just my type. So sad that he has passed. God bless you Arpad.

I can't believe that one of my favorite porn stars and one of the sexiest man has passed away and through the method of suicide. This shows that nobody is inmune to feel depressed, no matter what achievements you had. I think that everyone in certain moments of deception and sadness have suicidal thoughts including myself. The key is to no matter what faith you have, what philosophy of life, get a good grip on it besides getting professional help if neccesary. If you are lucky to have a very good friend, can be very helpful too. RIP Arpad :-(

I don't see why people take their life and killed himself life is so precious but I guess it is true we don't know what the other person going through my prayers go out to your family and friends rest in peace man...

GDCMoney, you really hit it on the nose with your comments. I knew Peter and tried to befriend him. We texted now and again, he always made fun of me....called me GrandPA....endearingly. I will miss him. I realize that I should have tried harder to get to know him....all too often I wait for the other person to invite me, or call, because of my own insecurities about not being in that "league." Big kisses and hugs to you Arpad/Peter....Rest in Peace.

I have seen him at various gyms we both attended over the years and he was always very sweet yet unassuming.
I recently saw him as recently as late last week.
Such a shame.
RIP sweet man.

I have adored Mr. Miklos for many years & am sad he chose to end his life :( We the public may never know what drove him to make this decision; yet, we must respect him for it, as best we can. You are missed by many, Gorgeous One!!! I trust you have found your peace :)

As the original post says, we've focused a lot on teens w/regard to suicide, & rightfully so. Yet, our personal passage through common adolescence may not always occur between 13 & 18 years of age. Many Gay men of my generation experience a delayed adolescence, one that coincided w/self-acceptance of being Gay. Only after that, were we able to go thru things like puppy love, teenage crushes, heartache & heartbreak, etc.

I say this, not b/c I have any reason to think this applied to Arpad, but b/c the original post wisely encourages us to be aware of those around us who are not teenagers, yet who may be contemplating suicide. There are, or at least used to be, many 40-something & 50-something teenagers out there. They may need an understanding, empathetic soul to help them thru some crises.


When i heard about His death i nearly cried....I was a big fan.It's sad to hear that he is gone :-( And i agree There needs to be focus not only on teen suicide but adult's as well.I have many friends who are well in their 40's and some have talked to me about how lonely and hard it can be just trying to find a balance for themselves in the gay community.I look at those friends and tell them It's going to get better.That is a Line we ALL can use,"IT GETS BETTER." Don't let warning signs go un-noticed,help a friend and talk to them.You could really be the thing they needed in that moment,someone to make them feel like they arent alone and have a Friend and Confidant.

RIP Arpad you'll be remembered and greatly missed

so many great commments and encouraging thoughts. We all need acceptance and love. I hope we can find it and share it. Even if we don't want to make a connection with someone at least be kind - don't do to us what so many have already done to us and be hurtfull. We are different from the rest of men,lets be supportive and kind. Go gays!

OMG. Loved him. RIP Peter.

May God Bless!!

I had the opportunity to know Arpad a bit saw him recently before his death. He was studying English, planning to go to California again, and there were no outright signs of depression or withdrawal although he rarely talked about his feelings. He was a sweet down to earth man and I feel so sad I was not able to pick up on his obvious deep depression. One thinks porn stars or celebrates dont have problems and I only wish I had tried harder to get him to open up more. He was a kind caring man. Perhaps no overt feelings need to be probed a bit.

So sad...such a beautiful, beautiful man...gone way to young : (

Thank you for the countless hours of entertainment you
gave us. May you rest in peace for all eternity. God bless.

I'm shocked and deeply sadden by his death.I would have liked to have met him. May he find peace in a better place.

Most gay men seem to be interested in viewing porn, be it pics or movies. So why the put downs to someone who has makes it? He has clearly brought excitment to a lot of guys who viewd his art. It is tragic when someone feels that the only solution to whatever problems they have is suicide no matter what age they are. Being gay, even in the gay "village" can be a lonely experience.

I guess we are never going to know what drove Arpad to suicide, or anybody for that matter. I don't know why they would want to end their life there is nothing in the world that would make me want to do that. I have been in his shoes. I have been depressed so much that I wanted to die, but I couldn't. I have so many people who love me and I could never do that to them. Like they say Life Is Too Short and Life Is So Precious why would you want to snuff yourself out. We will never know why. Rest In Piece Arpad, you will be missed. Michael.

Thing is, you would have never known he felt such despair. He always seemed friendly, and nice.
But maybe I saw what I wanted to see? His image was important, it was his livelihood. Perhaps if it were possible to see beyond that, something else would have been visible. It's tragic that he was so well known, but felt so alone.

I would like to send my sincere condolences to all the friends of Arpad. I did not know him personally, only through his films. From those who did know him, I have heard what a kind and sincere man he was. I am sorry that he was in distress and was unable to reach out for help from his friends. Porno stars are just like the rest of us; they have a job to do and they try to make the best of their lives. I send my prayers and thoughts to all the Friends and Fans of Arpad.

No one knows the inner life of a person---it is Mystery known to the One who created us out of Love. Suicide is always tragic because it robs an individual of a future and of hope, and it robs family and friends of a loved one, and it robs God of the glory of a unique human person he created. Arpad was well known in our community because his business was entertainment, and celebrities are high profile people. But there are many hidden in plain sight in both gay and straight communities who suffer from demons of depression, loneliness and self-loathing, sometimes not only the result of "outside" prejudice, but our own indifference and all too frequent razor-sharp disrespect. The best "suicide prevention" is unconditional love----not love as a reward for acceptable or admirable behavior, but love that transcends our shortcomings and misadventures, and that love, whether we acknowledge it or not, is nothing other than Divine Love working through us not just under heroic circumstances, but in day to day life. So as we mourn Arpad's abrupt and tragic passing, we might best honor him by taking time to notice and be sensitive to those among us who are struggling, to listen more and speak less. Peace.

Rest In peace Peter. what many people miss is that he wasn't just a guy who did porn, he was also an escort. As smart as he may have been and I am sure based on what many have said, he must have been smart and had a lot more to offer than his body, he probably was very stingy with the parts of himself that went beyond the flesh. For whatever reason, he must have felt that that was either a layer that wasn't appealing to others or wouldn't successfully serve him or his brand. If he wasn't able to share emotional intimacy with his best friend then we can hardly blame the best friend for that lack of intimacy especially since by sharing parts of himself with Peter made his friends vulnerable before him and when people do that with me, it makes me feel comfortable enough to share those aspects of myself with them. whether it's upbringing or lifestyle, he clearly seemed to be someone who only wanted to share the fun and exciting parts of himself with others. I understand no one wants to be a drag or a downer but when you hide away who you really are all the time the person who suffers the most is you because you often come out of your interactions of those closest to you feeling lonely and unfulfilled. It's like being in the company of many and yet feeling completely alone. His friends could be partially to blame if they were all a bunch of self-obsessed S.O.B's but it seems that people tried to allow him to open up and he stayed closed off which must have been hard but it was in the end his responsibility to take care of himself and his emotional well being.

As far as porn goes, I have no problem with people who do porn. It's a job and a form of entertainment. I'm not a big fan of lionizing porn stars the way most gay men often do but I guess some people need their heros. I just don't think porn performers are it. But more than a guy who did porn, he was an escort and when you have to separate so much of yourself away from the moment in order to be able to "perform" for and with someone that you may not only find unattractive but possibly grotesque, then it probably brings you to an even lonelier place because you're not present in your own life. which of course is even more of a reason to take care of one's feelings and sense of intimacy in order to balance that. I don't speak from specific experience so maybe every escort out there is like diaries of a call girl so well adjusted about the job but based on what I know about people, I doubt that's true.