Give Me Something to Believe In

December 13, 2012

I started to believe. He made me believe.

After 10 years of searching/hoping/praying/waiting/dating I finally met someone. The someone that even my dreams couldn't fully illustrate. The someone that treated me the way every man deserves to be treated. The someone that made me happier than I've ever been in my entire life. For the longest time I never thought it would happen. After so many failed relationships and false starts, after all the assholes and the ones that were just shy of being right, someone came along and literally took my breath away. It all happened so quickly, but it all felt so right. I thought this is the beginning of all those incredible love stories you hear. And we went on, happy, the two of us, giddy that we had found each other, blessing the broken road and spending countless nights together staring into each others eyes, smiling, having adventures - it was all so cliche in the best way possible. I remember asking him over and over if this was real, if he was real because in all honesty he seemed perfect for me. Not perfect, far from it, but perfect for me. For one of our first dates he brought me pickles and roses. If there's one thing I love it's romance. If there's two things I love it's romance and pickles. Weekends away with friends, holiday dinners with my family (a first for me), play dates with our dogs - it seemed like the start of something incredible. Something bigger than the both of us. And all those times he assured me it was real, he was real, I believed him. I thought this is what it feels like, this is what people write about, sing about - this is what I've always wanted but never been able to fully find.

I've always had a slight fear of happiness. Because when you find yourself with everything you've ever wanted, you have everything to lose. And in an instant, I went from the highest of highs to lowest of lows. I'm still questioning if he was real or not. If what he made me believe was real. Because if any of what we felt, what he said he felt, was real, you just don't throw something like that away. Which has led me to question everything that I experienced with him. I know that relationships end. Probably more frequently than they should. But they do and things don't always work out. That I'm fine with. But when you've been beaten down so many times and finally thought you found someone to believe in only to learn that all of it was for show, where does that leave you? When every time you let yourself hope or believe, you're taught a lesson that reminds you why you shouldn't, what's left to believe in? This isn't my first heartbreak, and it won't be the last, but it's brought me back to a place that's continually searching for the truth about life, love, and faith. Is it better to have faith that there really is someone out there for us or accept that I might never find someone to share my life with? I know that choosing the latter frees me from disappointment, but is that being realistic or cynical?

My issue is what we're taught to believe growing up versus the realities of love and life. Are we raised on fairytales and romance that maybe aren't in line with what's truly possible? As gay men we learn fairly quickly that one person isn't always enough. That monogamy isn't for everyone - and whether that's right for you or not, we can all accept that forever is a lot more complicated than we're taught to believe. It took me a while to understand that and ultimately accept that relationships aren't perfect and they take all different forms. But there's still a part of me deep down inside that wants to believe that love is everything we romanticize it to be. What I fear we lack in our lives, especially as gay men, is real life examples of what it takes to make a relationship work. What we need to see is love in it's rawest most truthful form. I'm tired of looking to romantic movies and songs as a guidebook for how love should be, or how we want it to be. I look around and see so many dysfunctional relationships - gay and straight. Where are the lucky few who find love, keep love, and ultimately live with love for the rest of their lives? I need to know that love is real and I want the gay men of the world to prove it to me. So I say, give me something tangible to believe.

You may be thinking, "this is all just post-break up talk" or that "I'm just young," but what I'm looking for, what I've always been looking for is truth. I've had countless conversations with gay men over the years and while everyone has their issues, it seems like at our very core we all want the same thing. There's a lot of things about the gay community that's passed down from generation to generation - some great, some bad. There are also things that are inherently shared like shame which often puts us at a disadvantage when it comes to loving and being loved. But in the same way the 'It Gets Better' project helped gay youths have hope for a future, we single men need to be reminded that love exists in our community. Real, lasting, hard working, transformative love.

We're looking for couples to interview about what it takes to make a relationship work. We want to hear from couples about how they met, fell in love, and share those stories and struggles with the gay men of the world to give all the single men hope for a future that is truly real. We're open to any length of relationship (10+ range to the front of the line) . Please share your stories of relationship hope below or just leave a comment that you'd like to be contacted or know a couple that would be great for this.

What do you believe in?

Tags: Relationships, faith, Real Life, Couples
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Post written by RobHeartsDH (View Author Profile)
About this author: Rob lives in Manhattan with his black pug Riley. When he’s not thinking about daddies, he enjoys writing, eating burritos, watching copious amounts of television, and thinking about his next meal.
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Comments

Being inspired with someone is the best reason why you find yourself smiling even though you feel tired all day :)
Nice one

I believe I'll die along and unloved (except for family and friends from high school).

Being realist I have come to accept my fate and wish someone would prove me wrong but no one is interested in dating me and I'd rather jerk off at home alone than have a one night stand.

And if I did find the man of my dreams the last thing I would do is rub everyone elses nose in my good fortune 12 days before Christmas (please excuse my bitterness, it'll pass with a little spiked egg nog).

The photo looks like it's from a magazine spread and both men look like they hit the jackpot in the genetic lottery (goodlooking, white...what more could you want to smooth your way through life - instantly by default the world is your oyster because the better looking you are the better life is for you and people bend over backwards to do stuff for you (while hoping to one day do stuff to you).

There's not an ounce of doubt in my mind that I would be better off dead and if there's a god in heaven who answers the prayers of the lonely it'll happen befor the end of the year.

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year everybody.

You must learn to Love each person whether in a one nite stand or years of relationship. You CAN Love only once. Truly, you can REALLY love if only one time. All you need to do is do it. If Love is in you, GIVE it. It's not a bank account you can deplete. If the other guy doesn't feel it, oh well. YOU will, and you will feel better for it.
Love CAN just happen, but mostly it is something you DO.

Hey, just wanted to comment on what you've written. I'm sorry that you are feeling so sad. I've been there myself but I just let a little time pass and it seems to get better. I'm quite happy now but I know that can change quickly. I looked at your profile picture and you are a handsome guy. You seem down on yourself looks wise. It sounds like you think if you were better looking and white, life would be a breeze. That's not the case. Look at all these white kids that are shooting people up and then killing themselves.You'd think they have it all and they are still unhappy. You say you've lost 60lbs. Fucking fantastic... what an amazing achievement, good for you. I came out at 35 and was a virgin till 36. I felt so bad about myself that I wanted to kill myself because I hated being gay. I denied myself sex and love for all that time but since coming out I've just become more and more comfortable with myself. The internet has helped a lot since I hated my looks but now find that there are plenty of people who happen to like my look.Not everyone is going to like me but there sure are enough that do.And I am sure that is the case with you. Look around and see others that are much less attractive than you and think..... that could be you too.
It's just luck of the draw and I think you look great.
So I wish you much happiness and peace. Go to the gay and lesbian community center in your town and connect this holiday time. All the best, michael

just went to your profile---YOU wouldn't date him, according to your profile--you wouldn't date anyone even remotely like him.
or me.
A post like your from someone who has lived his life benefitting from his white looks kind of has a lot of nerve saying what you said. How the HELL would you know what it's like to be ugly?

Dear 420,
I too have come to the realization that I might never find "the one" and that I too may end this lifetime alone, but that doesn't mean I will be unloved. I have loved several times throughout my life and believe it or not some of the most intense feelings i have ever felt were only a one shot deal, no pun intended. love comes in many lengths, it may be for one day, one week, one year or if we are fortunate, one lifetime. just because it may not fit the preconceived notions of how long a relationship must be before it is considered a "legitimate" relationship it does not negate the feelings that the briefest encounter can provide. I have given my heart, in fact my entire being to a couple of men that i only was with once. and yes, i loved not "them" but the "feeling" they pulled out of me. i believe that to love is a basic human need and if you truly want to feel loved then you should ALWAYS give it unconditionally. Love each person you meet with the same enthusiasm you would a lover of ten years. I try to never hold back when i feel the urge to say "i love you". some guys get scared, some are moved to tears. but it's not really about their response as it is more about what i am feeling and how i need to express that feeling.
being alone does not mean you have to be lonely. give my friend, give to others less fortunate. donate your time, help a child, help the elderly, just start giving of yourself unconditionally and the see how awesome a feeling that brings to your heart. some of my most heartfelt moments were when i gave of myself with no thought as to reciprocation.
Yes, being by ourselves does get lonely at times but it is at those times that i think our hearts are ripe for giving and in that very act of giving our reward is instantaneous. so especially at this time of year, when depression is at it's highest levels all across societal groups, GIVE, GIVE, AND GIVE SOME MORE! you will be amazed at the unbridled joy that will fill your heart and soul.
good luck to you my friend, i have been at that darkest level twice in my life and thought of suicide very seriously one of those times but trust me, if you can just get yourself motivated just a little to go out to the world with an open heart believe me it will come back to you many times over.
i hope you get some help and start to realize how precious each and every one of is.
good luck and god bless

Justlooking2,

I concur w/ you. Unfortunately, so many are consumed by their own needs to the disregard of the needs of others. It has been my experience that I will receive to the degree that I give. I do not flatter myself to think that I, somehow, am unconditionally deserving of the attention or, certainly, not the love of others without extending the same to them. As a side note, I also am aware that bitterness and self pity are certainly not going to win me the positive attention or love of others. They do not owe me anything.

PocktDad

420quest(above) said it all! this story is a croc!!! HE said it all, if you believe this s___
you need some help!

Yikes to 420quest...I seriously hope you call the suicide hotline and talk to someone soon, and then get in therapy. Your pain is obviously intense and heartfelt, so please realize that there are better days ahead if you'll just be brave and face whatever issues (demons) are causing you to feel so distraught.
Suicide in not the answer.
I had a serious suicide attempt as a young man of 20, that obviously was not successful for which I'm so thankful, having spent another 44 years of a wonderful life. Every day is a precious gift if you can just allow yourself to get out from under the dark cloud of depression and feel the goodness around you.
I'll light a candle for you...peace & love to you.

I was going to throw my two cents in with respect to relationships, having been in two long term ones of 6 & 10 years respectively, but the above writer and his obvious pain have thrown me into a different space. Here we are and the Christmas season is upon us and there are probably many lonely gay men out there who are also feeling distressed and alone in the world. Please people, take the time to check in on your friends and loved ones and ensure that they are okay and getting the help they need if they're not. Happy Holidays to all.

That's a very nice and caring response to 420. I feel sad for him too and hope he gets some help or contacts his friends. We all go through ups and downs. Let time pass. It does get better. Michael

A healthy relationship – you co-create. It’s balance, communion, you undo yourself and each other. Dispossession.

Besides being divorced 20+ years ago, I've loved like that three times and lost each one tho the last remains best friend. One after a year to his alcoholism, the next after 8 to religion, and the third after 3 to a richer younger man. The first two were flat on my face devastating and the last with my encouragement because the generation gap was 35 years and I couldn't afford him anyway. Been alone now for a decade.
I refuse to give up on love but starting to feel resigned that it doesn't come from outside of myself, but from within. I LOVE. Period. Just that now and if someone drifts into that, all the better. To give up on that and relinquish the dream is to begin dying.
It's hard sometimes. Lonely sometimes. I cry when I see others catching that dream in movies for instance, because I've been there, had that, but I always remember that there is no such thing as perfection and that, no matter how romantic or idyllic those fictional characters appear in the moment, it probably won't last for them either.
And then I weep for the human condition in general.....and I keep on loving.
But I WOULD love to have someone to give it too.

Love's been exceptionally good to me, and though I'm currently single I have no complaints. My Mr Right is definitely a composite of all the guys I've known, and when I look at that whole I'm really quite humbled. They're all fantastic in their own way, and whatever went wrong was probably 50% (or more) of my doing. I've no idea how I still manage to get great dates, but I do.

Long ago i decided to take a spiritual path that prioritized quality loving transactions over relationship form. Longeivity is no indication of a quality relationship - it's often quite the opposite, and most of the models I've seen aren't anything I'd want to be involved in anyhow. I made a simple decision to be a more aggressively loving man operating from a position of strength, and the universe sent me the men who were absolutely right for me at that stage of my life.

In many ways, part of our damage drives us to yearning for something we think we need. But yearning is in itself an unhealthy state. It just fertilizes the ground for perpetuating the vicious cycle of dismissal and hurt. The loving man gets disappointed sometimes, but he never gets hurt.

I believe in love, and I believe in the power of love. I don't however believe it will be - or should be - returned from where I selectively direct it. I'm not invested in meeting my soul mate or somebody who's going to stay with me for the sake of staying with me. I want to love as I live - from transaction to transaction. I believe in being happy as an entitlement, and how I approach men and love has served me quite well towards that goal. If relationships cause you nothing but pain, then it's probably wise to rethink your attitudes to love.

All of the above notwithstanding, if some dude finds himself needy of a husband and/or thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread then he's welcome to move his baggage and toothbrush in and stay for as long as he thinks it's a good idea lol

I'm sorry you feel like he lied to you. I am sorry that popular media has spun 'love and romance' into a sugar coated cure-all for everything wrong with our world. Being in-love does not fix us. Being in a relationship healthy or otherwise does not make us whole. Instead of worrying about your lonely heart and sucking all the air out of the room, why don't you put some energy into making the world a better place?
One thing I guarantee, they'll respect you in the morning.

Well said.

Your story is a total mix of beauty, sadness and so real for so many of us. I could have written it myself but not quite so eloquently. Felt like I was reading my life story and was hoping for a happy ending. We have to live for the "in betweens" and never give up the faith.
at 76 years I have loved and lost many times but still am open for what lies ahead. There are happy endings out there and we must never just give up and in the meantime enjoy and make the most of the "in betweens".
Single but still keeping the faith:)

Nice thoughts. Except a good friend once gave me some very good advice: there are no happy endings--that's why it's important to be kind.

I love being in love... I will keep playing "love roulette" till one sticks. Never give up, never surrender! Besides it's taking those chances that makes life so exciting. Hehehe
No one ever gave a road map to relationships, and that forever love is awfully complicated... but imagine just for a minute that you find that love... It makes that long road getting to it totally worth it to be the lucky one. ;3

I love to read stories, as yours. They inspire me, but more importantly, acknowledge that it's about waiting for that precise moment to happen with that one person. I've lived a life of relationships but circumstances prevailed for me to take care of something more important--me. I dream for the next opportunity for a relationship to happen for me, but I know it can't come with pursuing to the point of frustration. Thank you for sharing the inspiration that IT CAN HAPPEN.

i may as well be 'never been kissed' in terms of a real relationship but i found a great example in depfox on youtube. jay and his husband bryan and their two kids all rock my socks. when i needed there they magically were as they had been for some time. if you have not check them out they are awesome and if anyone qualifies as a mister they certainly do.

i wasn't looking. Neither was he. But we met at a fetish party where we were introduced to each other (humorously, more than once across the evening (what can i say, it was a big party!)) by men who'd played with both of us. We talked. We "played". We exchanged numbers. He's versatile, into versatile. i'm just a sub. And yet somehow we found ourselves spending more and more time together- in and out of bed. We talked about work, politics, sex, economics, film, kink, music, food...

It started out as just a bit of kinky fun (with home-made muffins in the morning afterwards). We didn't set out to make it into anything more. Neither of us were interested in anything permanent or monogamous (on the last we still are not). And yet being together was wonderful and being apart was... not.

One day SIR collared me. That was over a decade ago and then some.

We agree. We disagree.
We argue. We make up.
We work together. We work apart.
He has his loves, his passions, his hobbies. i have mine.

And always we look out for each other.

Men may take me for their pleasure, or be given me by SIR for their use. SIR takes his pleasures where he will. Yet if we may "play" together or separately or in "public" with friends and fellow kinksters: Everybody knows i'm SIR's boy. Yes, we enjoy and celebrate with pleasure and friendship (and sometimes with physical passion) the men and women that are part of our lives - but we come home in each other's arms.

I believe in the same things you wrote. I could not have expressed it any more eloquently. Trust, modesty, faith, honesty, compassion, confidence, loyalty, monogamy, communication... simply coming home to him, wrapping him up whilst making dinner, smack on the ass in the morning before work... things one starts to look forward to, to make part of everyday.

I know it's tangible when I see my aunt and uncle. Sure they're straight, no kinks, church going folk. They behave like twitterpated teens around each other (and with family) the wrapping up, smacks on the ass, playful banter...it exists, but it is also rare.

I'm real, Rob. Perhaps that's why, at 52, I've still never been in love. I play, sure, but I've yet to meet the man of my dreams, who could make me feel (and vice-versa) the way you described feeling at the beginning of your essay. A relationship? Yeah, right...that certainly hasn't happened. Am I too picky? Are my sights set too high? No, I don't think so. The fact is we are all attracted to different types of guys, which is a good thing in the long run. I can count the number of real dates I've been on in my life on two hands, which is a sad commentary on my life, but I keep looking. I personally know how 420quest feels - I've been there myself. I'm just not quite ready to call it quits at this point. And yes, happy holidays to all!

I like the men in my life.

I had 2 longtime relationships 1 For 7 years that one was the Pitts,, the Last One I had. I Had To go out one night so went out to the Gay Bars when I lived in Toronto years ago send out a Beer to the Person or what ever he was drinking ,and we talked for a bit Gave him my number and he gave me his number , Never thought at that time we would be together , but Faith came together and we were together for 30 years and 6 months , he died ,he was a Gay Veteran , had no Family left , just me , Since we lived in Fort Erie in stead of sending his Body to Grimby they send his body to Buffalo , to burn his Body and on Sept 11 th 2001 when New York got Bombed they closed the Borders Down here Lost his Ashes for 4 years it took Veteran's Affair 4 years to find his ashes, so I could Buried Him then it took Veteran's Affair's to Pay and put Gravestone on his Grave , I was there all the way to the end of his Life I try to get him to his 80's Birthday but Could'nt , we had a lot of Up's and Down's in our life But we Still Hung in , I alway's Say to People there is someone out there for you ,it's just takes time , never give up , he might be around the next corner ,

There is no love without vulnerability. Some of us hate to be vulnerable and refuse, others know it is the price required to allow something good to happen. Vulnerability is no guarantee, just a prerequisite. I had a wonderful experience with someone who just left. I am not certain if he will return. I realized how much he means to me even though our time has been short. But I let him know he is wonderful to me and I am grateful that I have. If it doesn't work out, then I will regroup and try again.

All connections with others who have good hearts matter to me. My mission in life is to strengthen connections between people and to enjoy the ones I have. I am grateful for the people whom I love and for those who love me. I hope to have a life partner to whom I am deeply attracted and with whom I share many good things. If that doesn't happen, I will still love those I can and let them love me.

I want to thank you, Rob, for your article, and also thank all the beautiful men that shared so many honest, and heartfelt posts and reactions that followed. Reading them somehow made me proud to be gay, and to be part of this community... It is amazing how so many of your words spoke to me, and how I could identify in most of the stories and the feelings you shared. Just like most of you, I am also trying to go on with my life navigating through ups and downs, inspirations and discouragements, memories and hopes. But I needed so badly to have a reminder that I am not alone, not the only one that feels like this.
Sometimes I think that in trying to keep a positive attitude, we tend to cover up, or not share, how we feel about personal subjects such as this one. Consequently, we feel alone in our pain, doubts, and insecurity. But we are all there, many of us, like blind people in the same room that cannot see each other... And all we need to do extend our hand and reach out.
Thanks again and much love.

One of the problem's these day's is that guy's are far too picky and many bitch about everything They want love (some of them) but they have a big checklist to tick off first. I 've seen it out and about and especially in the bars/clubs. They want you to have the looks, the sportscar, the high-paying job, the latest phone and gadget's, the clothes, the hot friends. etc.. They want you too agree with everything they stand for ie religion, politics.. This is mainly the under 35 guy's mostly. Some people bring it on themselves that they are lonely. Life is not all about love and having a boyfriend.. You need other things in life to make you happy also.

I had a friend years ago he was 76 when he died , his family won't buried him because he was Gay So when I had a Business which was a Gay Steam Bath in Fort Erie , I paid for his funeral and picked his body up , and made sure his body was buried with his Mom and Dad , in Fort Erie ,so that way he had someone that cared for him , even a Friend , His Family didn't care about him when he was Alive or Dead but I did so that way he has a resting place with his Mom and Dad , I am a Very Caring Person and Always will be, even for Friends that don't have any family ,

The problem with folks having something to believe in is that things get too fundamental all over the world and the result is that firm attitudes end up not respecting the other cultures and then you get war and stuff that is the result of such solid beliefs of so many flavors where a smart person would stay outside the box to avoid the idea of merging into a sea of generic attitude in many flavors.

considering the intensity of sentimentality of the season, the timing of this discussion topic seems rather brutal. I agree with the gentleman who said check on your friends, spend some time with 'em, especially those who are alone. Be of good cheer, but spare them the festive overkill. This is shaping up to be a particularly raw and tender holiday season in a collective sense, one far better suited to "peace on earth" than the "snap out it and be joyful" thing. A little mary Christmas suffices those of us with vague shades of scrooge.

Love is what YOU are about, not the other person!
Love needs to be given without limitations otherwise it is not really love.
Romantic love requires romantic creativity, not canned chocolates, roses, and candlelight.
The more you love, the more you find it.

The Perfect guy for you, is YOU! LOVE YOU THE MOST!!!
That relationship will last the lifetime. Partners don't

Partners/lovers/husbands do come, go, last many years and transcend.
Just remember to enjoy the moment.
Your Partner, lover, husband could win the lottery, die, become disfigured, lose his hair, etc.
Are you ready to still love through it? What if it happened a year after you met, would you love until death do you part? and what kind of death are you talking? Physical, Mental, Emotional, Financial?

I believe the more you love the BIGGER YOUR HEART GETS.
Also the more you may get hurt the Bigger your heart can get if you keep going, just like training your arms, do you give up after it becomes sore? Or do you keep on because you know your arms will get bigger?

Keep Going! Keep Training your heart! The guy you want is out there, but I think you may not be ready for him in your current state, You need to train harder so that you are ready for all that it encompasses, the Good, the Bad, and sometimes the Ugly.

Someone once told me that God only gives you what you can take care of. If you want more, than you have to show that you can take care of more. Take care of more than yourself, but please take care of yourself.

Much LOVE to you sexy man.

Whether the typical gay man wishes to be truthful to himself or not, it all comes to the same point: The typical gay man will go to his grave waiting for that perfect adonis to come into his life. The TYPICAL gay man, not the ones that are not afraid to love or be loved.

So wish I could be there with you guys - or, at least, with guys like you......

...and we'll live happily ever after...wadda crock of shit!

I haven't seen or talked to my ex of almost 9 years for over two months. Eventually you get to the "whatever" stage and move on... (edited)

Some guys do indeed live happily ever after or as in my case I have good Mason Lodge Friends that are good people in the community and they are best friends for life without needing some horny element and it is easier to find chemistry when you dont fall into the professional sterile thing where everyone becomes an available human unit with no specifics at all other than being sort of bland and not even having any idea how they feel about something even when someone meets the first time. People can feel warm and fuzzy together even if some strong slang terms get used in private at times that are not the focal point of stuff for sure. Many people find it harder to mesh into a generic government way of things where you just cant totally mesh all elements into a sort of Interplanetary Federation where negotiations result in all people and planets feeling properly adjusted at a clinic in order to struggle to fit into something that they dont already feel natural with. Happy holidays for sure to everyone for sure.

One of the major problems, I believe, is that everyone wants and wants and wants, but they aren't willing to give. Relationships do "unwind", mostly because we are men. We have to have sex and more sex and then more sex. Same old stuff gets boring after a while and then you let someone into the picture that shouldn't be there. The thing that usually destroys a couple is an external influence. The glass must be filled over and over again, from both sides. Simple strategy, but rarely adhered to. One day you wake up and nothing is left. The task is not getting the right man. It's holding onto him.

Just as 420quest said above, I hold little hope that I'll find lasting love.

I'm often told that I'm too young to be this cynical, but the truth is that I've been searching for love for years, trying various methods of meeting people, and haven't had any luck worth writing home about; it's the same run-around and lip-service with each attempt: we talk a couple times, they seem half-interested, then they don't even give me the time of day.

This "rotten luck" only compounds my shyness self-esteem problems and sinks me even further into my cynicism. I'd rather be alone that do one night stands, I don't enjoy sitting for hours on end in a bar, and I wasn't born with the "silver spoon in my mouth" called "attractiveness". So, after roughly a decade of hope, optimism, and perseverance with nothing really to show for it, I'm left weary and more than a little disheartened.

But, if my some miracle, I did find love and it didn't rot on the vine, I'd fight, work for, and do anything to make it work. No one is perfect, ergo no relationship is perfect. I believe that one of the problems today's couples, gay or straight, face is that they give up too easily if they encounter a problem. If two people don't exactly mesh, that's one thing; but if a couple really loves each other and they clicked anywhere beyond under the covers, then there's always a way to make things work it. It just takes diligence and tenacity.

But, then again, I haven't really had the opportunity to put my theory to the test, so I can't say a whole lot on the subject. Also, I don't hold out any lofty, childlike hope that I'll be able put said tenacity to the test anytime in the foreseeable future.

So Happy New Year to everyone. May 2013 not be a sucky, waste of a year like 2012.

I'm currently in my longterm relationship which has gone for 7 months now. I would love to share our story so far. Admittedly we are still new, but I see longevity in our relationship. Feel free to contact me for our story.

I accept what comes in my way, and I'm truly happy if someone did love me. I haven't had a relationship for over a year, and I know my previous relationships were false. I always believed things would work out. I don't even know why I'm saying these things, probably because I'm still young and confused. But I'm truly thankful for what you've written. It inspires me more to wait patiently and persevere for a love I've been waiting for a long time.

Something to believe in is more important than the temporary adjustments that require professional elements to be charging a high fee to maintain sobriety by substituting replacements that are sometimes more hazardous in the pharmacy sense than the pub was. Having friends to understand you in person is a thingy I am thankful for for sure because any formal group stuff is not something to really open up to so that then theres too much information for others to grab hold on to at a point where they are just professional curiosity and not caring that much as to exactly who they are socially inspecting. You can have a generic love for something like a movement I guess but that keeps many things in the closet for the sake of smoothing the bumps so that a lot of people in the movement dont run the other way from too much venting. Hope everyone has a nice time for sure.

Thank you Man,,,It was Soooo Beautiful...have a nice day

Tis better to have loved and lost then never to have love at all. I think it was Tennyson who said that- like 150 years ago.

I just stumbled across this blog. The comments run the gamet from bitter to compassionate and I'm riveted on this end with the openness from you guys. What a breath of fresh air to read that there's a living, breathing person with a heart and brain behind these profiles. Thanks to all of you guys who posted.

Everyone has a story and I'm not going to bore you with mine. My last relationship of seven years ended last July though it was dead well before then. It takes two people and constant communication to make a relationship work. It sounds to me that one guy wasn't communicating his true feelings to the guy who wrote this story. The author is clearly hurting. Hopefully, with distance and time, he can heal. In my situation, I went through a period of sadness, then anger and recently peace of mind. I've drawn the line in the sand and said to myself, almost like a mantra: don't look back, there's no rear view mirror or a re-write.

Having a positive outlook and a strong belief in oneself, like staying healthy and fit, takes WORK. You gotta feed the good stuff into your brain and soul. Be kind.

Bear Hugs to all.

I agree with the most recent reply, these responses both break your heart and also offer real hope, a hope born of painful experience. The pioneer prayer states, "Say your prayers to The Lord, but keep the gun powder dry" ie. hope for someone who can truly love you without any rejecting aspects, but learn to love yourself in the same manner. You will be with you forever, whether or not he,or she, is. Older gent here with two loving, faithful marriages, spanning a total of 45 years, to two beautiful, talented , but ultimately rejecting woman. The crushing pain of those calloused rejections could have been lethal. To leave myself open to loving again would be foolhardy you say. But, I've learning to love without expectations. I know that I am lovable and , whether or not it is reciprocated,I find the lovable aspects in every child, woman and man that I meet. If one person could see my value, if one in particular would want to cleave to me in a true marriage of body and spirit, that would be incredible . If not, I have me, my ongoing hope,wonderful loving memories, and my capacity to love which remains inviolate.

The Perfect guy for you, is You...

Respect, Communication, Honesty and Monogamy. That's my story and I'm sticking to it! Eventually I'll meet the love of my life and will use all that I have learned thru love and hurt to see him clearly.

ohhhhhhhhhhh both are so beautiful

Here's a little of my story, I'm 43 soon will be 44, I came out when I had just turned 37, I struggled with being gay all my life, I always new, I just couldn't accept it, I lived in absolute terror of loosing everyone, being rejected on a massive scale all at the same time, the thought was so apporant to me I simply could not admit to myself let alone anyone else what I truly wanted from this life, I hated the thought of being a gay man.

I believed when I came out all the trauma of self denial would instantly dissipate simply because I eventually found the courage to be me, nothing was further from the truth. Like this article, I believed in the fairytales, I convinced myself that now I had announced to the world who I was that love of my life would come along. That the reason I had never found that one true love was because I was hidden from the planet, so how could he ever find me.....

Like so many others I have seen and witnessed every experience that gay life has too offer since the day I decided to come out, even though its has only been 6 years, it already feels like a lifetime. I foolishly believed that the gay community was an accepting and inclusive community, I found nothing but too the contrary. The fear of rejection I so desperately tried to avoid by hiding who I was from the world for all those years, became so very real, but not from the places I had always anticipated they would be derived from. I thought the acceptance I so desperately wanted would come from my fellow gay brothers, it was nothing of the sort, I found I was labelled in ways I never believed a person could ever be, but regardless everytime I was told I wasnt good enough, everytime I was told I wasn't perfect, everytime I was told I was unsuitable, I simply picked myself up and moved on to what I thought would be the last challenge, the last time I would ever have to go online. Oddly the people in my life prior to me coming out accepted me for who I was with open arms, another of life's little ironies I guess, to live in fear of loosing the people you love because of your own demons, only to find the salvation you though you would find was not the utopia you once believed in, but was literally hell on earth.

Eventually I did meet someone, who absolutely rocked my world, I can not begin to describe how and what happened, its was lightning, I was awe struck, completely and utterly entranced with him. Our relationship was intense to say the least, it was euphoric and disastrous all in one!, it was anything but a fairytale. After 2 years and some of the most memorable times of my life, not too mention some of the best experiences I have ever shared with another human being ( and no I don't mean sexual) and yes eventually a marriage proposal to boot! - but then we split, I was absolutely devastated and so I since learned so was he. Couldn't believe something so real had ended and ended so abruptly and without any real explanation or finality.

Your probably saying at this point - and what the hell is your point! well here's the kicker, just when I started to give up hope, just when I started to accept it wasn't the real love I wanted, or believed it was, just when I thought I really didn't know the man I loved, that it was all lies and pretense, that it was all one big colossal cluster f*#k, a lil while back he found the courage to make contact again, he wanted to see me because the emptiness and loss I felt, was exactly the same for him, I walked into the bar that 1st night determined to be looking sensational, but likewise determined we would never be anything more than occasional passing ships in the night, I didn't even want his friendship. I opened the door to the Bar entrance and there he was in full view, my heart just melted, the overwhelming determination I had, never ever to be with him again dissipated in micro seconds. he grab me as I walked to him, kissed me, put his hands upon my face looked in my eyes and said

"You are the Love of my Life, without you I have no meaning in life, without you there is only eternal unhappiness, without you I will never be complete, you are my Yang, I am your Ying, we are old souls you and I who have shared many lives together beforehand - you know this to be true in your heart and soul, in everyone of those previous lives one of us has not got it right, which is why in this life we are intrinsically tied to each other yet again, we are destined to live over and over the same mistakes until we get it right, lets together find out how to get it right"

I never left him again after that night, sure our relationship is anything but perfect, sure our relationship isn't even ideal, and certainly it isn't the way I ever imagined it to be. But the simple fact is I love him and he loves me, He believes wholeheartedly I love him and I believe for the first time ever in my life that he actually loves me. Gone are the doubts and gone forever are the fears I once had.

Love does exists in Gay world, its just not the Cinderella Fairytale everyone told you it would be!