The AARP Gay Man's Guide to Dating After 50

July 31, 2012
Category: Dating
The AARP Gay Man's Guide to Dating After 50

Over on the AARP's site, they've put together a list of tips for gay men over 50 looking to date. All are pretty spot on, especially the part about ageism and valuing your age and applying those lessons learned into better decision making. Oddly enough, these dating tips can really apply to any age:

1. Confront your fears
2. Embrace your new reality
3. Pick your meet 'n' greet venues wisely
4. Be self-aware, not rigid
5. Realize you can be single and happy

Granted, #3 is reliant upon knowing yourself, something that really only comes with age and experience. #2 could really apply to any reality, whether you're new to the dating scene or, like they say in the article, "have been there done that". Authenticity and acceptance are really the key to any happy human, and when you're able to embrace those things (i.e. be content with with being yourself) the rest seems to fall into place. All too often we put too much pressure on the things we want most in life, which for many gay men is a partner (be it sexual or life long). The gay community doesn't make things any easier, but that doesn't mean the cycle of negative thinking and behavior can't be broken. Being confident with who you are and what you want, is something gay men take note of (whether they admit it or not), and often times will pass it on. There's nothing more comforting then knowing that you can be 100% yourself and be 100% successful at life.

Veterans of the older dating scene, would you add any other advice to this list?

Tags: Men Over 50, Ageism, How To, dating
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Post written by RobHeartsDH (View Author Profile)
About this author: Rob lives in Manhattan with his black pug Riley. When he’s not thinking about daddies, he enjoys writing, eating burritos, watching copious amounts of television, and thinking about his next meal.
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Comments

Something I have noticed, I am 52 and feel better than I did when I was 30. Back then I was smoking up to 2 packs a day, drinking 4-5 night a week and was always stoned. Now I rarely drink, quit cigarettes 21 years ago and am stoned about 2 times a year. Even though I have changed, my attractions haven't, and I am still attracted to that 28-38 crowd (but honestly I was attracted to them at 18 also), I am older but not a "Daddy" and want an equal. What's a man to do?

What I have noticed is that there are many men, younger (a decade or more younger (I'm 56)) that really love older men.. So I have never had a problem with this.. Kind of nice since I was the mature man chaser as a young man.. Time to pass wisdom to the younger generation that have very few role models.. and believe me they are hungry for older men .. :)

Yeah, and by 'older' they mean 40 - not 65+

I have become pretty much invisible - a neat trick, eh??

Didn't you know?
The gay community is very like the movir "Logan's Run". You can have anything you want- except for your 30th birthday. :) 48 here, and folks it is what it is. I can't stand trying to get to know someone only to have the plastic facade drop away after a week or so only to find out that he's nothing like what he was trying to pretend to be.
Just be real.

I'm 68. I quit coloring my hair and pretending I was still in my 40's around 10 years ago, which instantly transformed me into a "silver daddy". I was surprised and delighted to find literally thousands of gorgeous young men who like and want me..........all too distant (the great frustration of the internet. So many men.....you can't get at). You see, I don't have money and can't travel or bring them to me (which essentially amounts to prostitution that I refuse to engage in) and there is an epidemic of ageism locally.
So here I sit, alone and wanting someone to love. Love myself? Sure, but that doesn't hold me, and kissing the mirror just doesn't quite bring out my animal passions. Just sayin.

I love this post....its so real..thank you for your honesty .
I wish you happiness.. :)

I so relate to this. I sometimes think the guys far away, Philippines, etc like us 'cause they know they won't have to follow through on it. I've had local guys contact me but when you start edging toward reality, liked meeting, they run like scared rabbits or maybe they are just sadistic and that's part of their fantasy plan management!

Thank You for saying what I feel. I've been thinking the very same thing lately at 54. Hugz Bob

Maybe you should stick to someone your own age and give up the dream.

The problem is, men "your own age" don't want men "your own age" - they want, "hot" young guys. And the only "hot" young guys who want mature men "your own age" are those with a daddy-fetish, and most "hot" young guys don't have a daddy-fetish. I'd love any man of any age, but I know it just ain't gonna happen. I've had a 69-year-old, liver-spotted, banana-boobed man tell me "you're too old" (I'm 55).

Ageism (along with lookism) is rampant within the gay "community," more so than among the straight one. Unless the "community" faces this and takes it head one, addressing it and trying to do something about it, once you're past 45 (the beginning of being a "senior" in gay years), get ready for lots of lonliness, unless you live in a populated enough area where there might be one of those daddy-fetish young "hotties," if any are left. They get scooped up quickly.

Hey you can't help the type and what you're attracted to... HANG IN THERE..

I JUST REED YOUR POST.

I WILL BE 59 IN FEB 2013, HIV POSITIVE FOR 25 YEARS AND I LIKE THE HONESTY OF YOUR COMMENT.

SORRY FOR MY WRITEN ENGLISH.

DO YOU REALLY NEED THE MONEY TO ATRACT SOMEBODY ?

please, do not missunderstand me

KEEP ON BEING YOURSELF

BEST WISHES

GUS PEREZ BOGOTA, COLOMBIA

I just read your comment and the very same thing has happened to me too (I'm also 68). I also feel pretty frustrated by the age question. Maybe I should spend more time meeting people, but I don't live in SF and only get there once a week so I don't seem to be making much progress in getting another relationship going.

Anyway, it was good to know that there were others out there very much in my position. John

What was it that's been said about age the past few years...50 is the new 40?? Hell yea. I feel better at age 54 than I have in years. I have always been attracted to older men 5-15 years my senior since age 25 when I came out. However, that has changed. Give me a man in his mid 40's-late 50's over a 20 or 30 something man any day. If a younger man is what you are attracted to...go for it and have fun. Love, fun, excitement has no age limit.

Wow - this may be a serious reason for me to accept reality and join the AARP (I still cringe when I get their membership come-ons)... And the article itself contains good advice, especially the fall-back "You can be single and happy". It was when I'd accepted that fact that my husband walked into my life and enriched it beyond counting.

I have now hit the "50" age and I have no trouble meeting new friends and sex friends also. I have always been strong and happy and forsee no change in my immediate future. I feel great with a lot of knowledge about being GAY and accepting myself. All my friends and family know and being a SOUTHERN man it is just not discussed or mentioned in my family. One thing I have noticed a lot of FEMALES are hitting on me now. It seems a little strange. I would prefer that a man hit on me and see what develops. Definitely like to take things slow(not sure a good idea due to my age) JK Jk Still looking for MR right and if he doesn't show up I will not be disappointed. Love all ages of MEN

I also must contend at 56 yrs that that i feel better and look better than i did @ 30 as well, i smoked, drank like a fish, was heavey from fast food, and now work out 3-4 x week and have dated a few much younger guys, I like younger guys myself and have no problem at all, came out 3 years ago, and have dated a 27 year old and now dating a 34 year old. I eat well, work out and have a positive attitude about life.

You are 56??

Then why your profile says you are 48 ????? when clicking on your name, your profile on DH shows up

I've never been more in demand since I turned 50. and not just by younger guys looking for a "Daddy," but by hot older guys too. The key thing is to stay in shape, and not let the middle age spread overtake you, and to think young.

Exactly! Spot on, mister....

EXACTLY.
Im 52.And never in more demand.,by younger and older alike.Ive allways been into older men.

whats with you old guys wanting someone young enough to be your sons. what are you, pediphiles?

exactly,,,,,

As a kid, I always wanted to become the invisible man. As a 64 year old man, I've become invisible and it's not what I had in mind as that kid. The irony is that I'm still young at heart, but in the Gay Community, I'm on the other side of the calendar.

Men hit their prime at 50, I'm only 21 and I'm just killing time until I get to the half-century, that's when the fun starts!

We dio not know the future. Please do not spend your time waiting to be 50! :)

I find younger guys are attracted to me, but I like the guys around my age, unfortunately, they are going after the younger guys lol. Oh well. Good advice here.

I agree 100%

Use the gym 4x a week, bike daily, eat clean. Keeping in shape to rock it on my mattress with all ages. Recently had a wave of younger than 30. Mmm delicious....

To add to the list above:

6. Accept your true age and act it. Stop trying to convince others -- and yourself -- you are 10-15 years younger.
7. Keep firmly in mind that your self worth depends only on your own attitude and outlook. Your self worth is not determined by others.
8. Stop dyeing your hair jet black. It's a dead give away that screams, "I am insecure."

I think #8 it depends: I have a very good friend in Santa Rosa (CA), he's 61, pretty much of a joker, youthful, active and fit; grey hair makes him look like 10 years older than he is! It just doesn't fit him, therefore he dyes it, and I think he made the right choice.
So, if you dye your hair/beard out of vanity I think it's valid, but if that's a sort of "tool" to make you feel better as a man, then you do have an "insecurity" problem.

Being 65 and still looking good in the mirror as well as maintaining myself physically and mentally, I am enjoying my age and appreciating myself. As one ages, the more that you've taken care of yourself will be reflected in your social and sexual success. You can't take yourself for granted anymore by how much you eat, drink, smoke, or exercise like you might have under age 40. It starts catching up with you.

How much others find you attractive when you are older or even elderly is contingent on how you feel about yourself, and that is reflected by how well you've taken care of yourself. Age is indeed only a number.

Being 66, I concur. I know so many gay men who were attractive when they were younger, but have let themselves go and, now, lust after those who are younger and more fit. I try to be the man I would want to have sex with. And, to my amazement and good fortune, still have a great sex life. I would gladly spend time in bed with guys more my own age, but very few are fit and available.

PocktDad, you are right on! It certainly limits the field for us in some ways, but younger guys appreciate how well we've taken care of ourselves to stand out from our peer norm. With that being the case, there is no cause whatever to begrudge getting older. Peter

pocketdad youre a hot fox

Well said, and trust me, you are soooooo smoking HOT!!!
LICKS

I have found that if you limit yourself to a certain "type" you will very likely miss out on a great guy. I prefer tall men, was married to a guy that was 5'3 for 8yrs.

Ver Hot Man. Like to meet, be friends, date, boyfriends.....

I checked out your profile and see, your age limit is 50. I'm 68. You're the perfect illustration of the realities older men face. Can't blame you. It's just the reality.

#5 ..yeah that's the most challenging .... being single and no sex life .....and still be happy.
Especially if one is not into saunas,parks,escorts, etc.

Being single does not necessarily mean having no sex life. I am currently single and have a great sex life. Fuck Buddie is a relationship in which I excell. 'Been married, had 2 LTR's and am happily single currently.

I have to agree with Karl about #5 but having seen Karls profile..I cannot for the life of me understand why the whole country isn't beating a path to his door..(metaphorically) ..A more handsome man I can't imagine and someone who seems like a really great guy..not to mention very easy on the eye..Honestly Karl if you are single then there is little to no hope for the rest of us..Damn he has the best pair of legs I have seen in years, not to mention the rest..Sorry Karl to be so blunt but you have got it going on..!

I hit 50 a few weeks back, nothing dramatic it was just another tick of the clock and suddenly I was 50, no big thing.. I still felt 28 but realised that things would have to change a little to maintain a more healthy existence but still be happy with who I am. The great thing about being that little bit older is the experience and wisdom that comes with it..that is the best gift. I strike out most times in bars and clubs, websites such as DH don't give me much other than the chance to chat with friends and likeminded people which is in itself wonderful..the sad part with a lot of the gay thing is that people don't see beyond the initial pictures or in my case shyness/awkwardness..Most don't even acknowledge I exists let alone say hello..I mean to say what's a hello?..it's just a greeting when all is said and done not a marriage proposal..I admire the beautiful, I don't envy them so I often say hello, maybe pay a compliment, that's my way..but it seems being friendly and or neighbourly is almost shunned by the gay community..Seems a bit daft to me but you can't help people I guess.

My late 40's (after divorce) and 50's were my best years. Now, at 68, with the rare maybe once a year opportunity, at best, it's all gone. There's plenty out there. All to distant.

This has been a good topic for me to investigate. What others are saying about younger men seeking us older guys is true. I've been amazed at the number of twentysomethings that have looked at my profile on the different websites I've joined and even initiated contact. I'm flattered they find me attractive although I am interested in men who are over thirty and preferably in their forties and older.

I'm only now beginning to explore my life as a gay man and starting to date. So the kind of advice presented here has been most welcome. I'm more eager than ever to put myself out there and search for the life partner I want. Yes, the remark about being single and happy has some merit, but I am at the stage in life where I know what I want and singleness isn't it. I'm also glad to be living in a time when technology and changing attitudes have given older gay men options we never dreamed of. I want to take full advantage.

The #1 tip for sexy guys over 50 looking to date is to date me :-)

You win: Best response ever.

love yuo daddy

I'm 63 on Aug. 2nd, and have kept my looks pretty well, to risk sounding immodest. All the hot mature men who contact me on this site live cross-country, unfortunately. The other age group which seems to be attracted to me is "boys" under 25, often from some foreign land looking for a green card & rich daddy. (NO, thank you!) Worse yet, I seem to be a target for women over 50!. Other men close to my own age, whatever it was / is, have been my interest throughout my lifelong gay career, with few exceptions. Have all the "silver daddies" moved to the Coasts???

A couple of very important things to think about:
1. Stop taking yourself so seriously. See the humor and irony in life.
2. Stop being so self-invoved. What I hear from most of these comments is "poor me, me, me!

I am 73. I came out at 70 after a divorce never expecting to have a sex life. I am no adonis yet I met a wonderful, sweet, kind and lovable man, and I still get hit on by guys from 18 to 80.
If all you are interested in is sex, boy toys are fine, but what do you talk about before or after? or do you just kick them out?

I disagree .....