Sup Ain't Sexy

July 16, 2012

Sup? Is there any phrase more loathed in the gay community at this moment? It's come to represent the worst of us, like the constant qualification of how masculine one is, the transactional nature of our online correspondence, and worst of all, our inability to communicate with one another as we would in real life. One of the reasons MISTER exists is because we've heard from so many who are frustrated with the way people chat on gay dating apps. MISTER was created to enhance online communication and start a conversation with real men. And while we can't change the way everyone chooses to converse, we can poke a little fun at what constitutes conversation these days.

See what happens when MISTER meets Cruisey Bro and watch this all too familiar (and all too funny) tale unfold.

How do you think we can improve our communication in the gay community?

Tags: Communication, Videos, MISTER App, Sup
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Post written by RobHeartsDH (View Author Profile)
About this author: Rob lives in Manhattan with his black pug Riley. When he’s not thinking about daddies, he enjoys writing, eating burritos, watching copious amounts of television, and thinking about his next meal.
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"Sup?" isn't ok, but gropes are? I need someone to explain that to me.

A grope is like a wink or a smile, just a bit more forward. IT IS A COMPLIMENT for crying out loud. Loosen the bone, Wilma, and maybe just say 'thank you' instead of getting all worked up over it. Do y'all get so upset over guys flirting with you in real life? Oh, wait: I know the answer to that. Never mind.

amen :)

2x amen. I miss the olden days when you didn't know you were dealing with someone socially maladroit until AFTER you had sex ;-)

Whoa Nancy, calm down. I didn't say anything negative about gropes. No where did I say a grope was bad, nor did I say "sup?" was good. To reign you in a bit, I was speaking to the irony of a DaddyHunt employee posting a rant and video about "sup?" when this site's main form of communication is the "grope."

The writer says: "It's come to represent the worst of us, like the constant qualification of how masculine one is, the transactional nature of our online correspondence, and worst of all, our inability to communicate with one another as we would in real life."
Is the writer talking about "sup?," or a grope, or a woof, or a growl? I'm sure you can see the irony. The writer's logic could apply to almost any commonly used phrase in the gay club or date site.

I was just sayin' why is a grope okay but a "sup" isn't? Surely you can come up with an answer that doesn't involve all caps, or misrepresentation of my question.

Once again nothing negative was said about grope or any of those terms, I'm focused on the logic behind the blog entry. In fact, if you read my admittedly long profile, you will see--buried deep within the part of the profile that no one is likely to read--that I do take gropes as compliments.

*Mic drop*

What is with everyone hating gropes! So what if it's easy way to say hello? If it's not your thing, ignore it but can everyone please stop complaining about them and just enjoy them. It's a compliment for chrissakes. Get over yourself!

It's the name - grope. If it said "cruise" or "wink" or "smile" or something more appropriate, people would probably enjoy them. But as someone who doesn't like being groped in real life by strangers, why should I like the virtual one?

If I'm in a bar, and some stranger gropes me, I'm going to get their hands off of me.

It's just a part of the mindset of Daddyhunt Management that thinks that sexual battery, which is what a grope is, is ok.

Totally agree... they should change the term to something a bit more welcoming. It's not as if the same function on other sites have copywrited the terms they use... have they?

I disagree. Most of us would like to feel a man's package at some point, whether we are attracted to him or not. It is human thing. Straight guys look at girls ass, tits, lips an think how sexy it is and how they would like to pinch, suck or kiss it. Men like cocks, ass and balls .... We should all stop denying our human nature. Stop trying to feel that you are somehow superior because you don't "lower" yourself to a grope ....

I didn't hate on gropes.

It's simple. "Sup" is silly, thuggish, ghetto, lazy...
While a grope may not be appreciated by a lot of Men it's a clear indication that one guy is either attracted to another or drunk off his ass.
Proper groping is a risk usually best not done without definite visual clues first.

"Thuggish, ghetto, lazy"? Wow, could that description be crafted to contain any more racist subtext?

You got that right!

Oooh, the race card. Yawn. I'd say it was more descriptive than racist. Unless you are easily triggered to see raging racism around every corner. Relax.

Gropes: A very lame way to get the object of your erection to come up with an opening line, thus absolving yourself of balls or creativity.

Actually, isn't it the other way around? The guy sending the grope is announcing his interest to you. He's taking the first step. You want the other guy to work up the opening line, to invest that much time/energy into a post that is most likely going to be ignored? Who's taking the easy way out then?
You think a grope is a ball-less way of introducing oneself, but you want the other guy to do all the initial work so you can sit back and do nothing but read?
My my, aren't we full of ourselves. Waiting to be approached by the milling throng so you can not even work up the energy to wave them away.
A grope is the same as a smile, a wink, an overlong glance in your general direction. Why should the other guy do more than that, not knowing if you're even going to be interested enough to respond at all?
Do guys who cruise you on the street come up to you, a complete stranger, and say sh*t to you with you giving no initial response of welcome? If so, then you are just too cool to be on a dating site and one wonders where you find the time, with those droves of guys following you around chatting you up, desperately awaiting you deigning to even smile back.

Massive loud applause!!

No, you're wrong. A grope is a grabbing of another person without their consent. It's not a wink, or a smile, or a sidelong glance. It's an assault.

I don't want to be assaulted in real life, so why would I want to in the virtual space?

A physical grope (actual grabbing, possibly squeezing a body part) is synonymous with a "virtual" grope (imaginary action; no touching involved; figurative only)?

A "grope" on this site (or any any site, whether it's "smile" "wink" "leer" or "peer") is harmless. It's just a quick way to communicate interest in a low-level way. The sensible recipient would look at the sender's profile. If you like, respond. If you don't, don't respond.

But get so outraged that you put in your profile that you won't respond to gropes? I find that odd.

In fact, it may even put mischievous people (not me!) in the mood to grope you just because you said not to.

It's the same as people using ALL CAPS. It's considered shouting and generally frowned upon in "civilized" cyberspace.

Yes, it's harmless, but at the same time, words have power, and it seems to me that there are better word choices. For an organization that supposedly cares so much about gay on gay bullying and anti-bullying in general, DH Services, LLC, sure chose a stupid choice of words to convey that.

I'm sorry guy, but if someone is too worried about being ignored that he cannot type "hello, how are you," then he shouldn't be surprised about being single. Why do guys always seem to expect more than they are willing to put in? It seems like there is this hope that at the mere click of the mouse--nothing else, no typing, no thought, nothing--that some guy who was just attractive enough (or too attractive for you to believe they would actually respond) will send you an email back starting the discussion you should have started to begin with. That seems very unfair to me.

hear, hear!

If I get a grope, I am flattered, as that certainly indicates interest. What I do with that symbolic gesture is up to me. I do not deem it as an assault, an invasion, or an insult. Ultimately, it is meant to be a nice gesture.

If I am interested, I will certainly express my eagerness to get to know the person. If I am not interested, I may just thank the groper, yet, I will not feel that utter disgust or displeasure certain individuals feel. I could never understand such attitude.

When you write to someone who replies with a "wasup," to me it indicates that person is either trying extremely hard to be masculine and cool, or perhaps lacks good manners or a sense of goodwill towards others.

Regardless of what they may call the flirt on this site, it is just a flirt and not an insult. Sending a grope is not an indication of laziness, but merely a willingness to initiate contact. Now, if after the initial flirt, the corresponding individual indicates he is unwilling to engage in active communication, then that interaction ends.

Sure, some people deem a "Grope" as an insult or as a nuisance, and that clearly exhibits that person's emotional state. Does that person view life as the glass is half empty or half full? Is that person an angry or negative individual, or maybe so self absorbed that they feel they are entitled to a proper introduction which they, at their discretion may decide to not respond?

I have written to many on here who state in their profiles they will not respond to "Gropes." I actually attempted to be engaging, and friendly, and spent time writing an introduction, yet I never received a reply or even a thank you. Sending a "Grope" is much more efficient to express interest and initiate contact.

I say, lighten up folks, as life is way too short to be so petty. Enjoy the compliment that you caught someone's attention, and if compelled to reach out, do so, as you never know.


"object of your erection" No, that isn't lame in itself.

Unfortunately, MISTER encourages people to fill in only the smallest part of their profiles, leaving out more than half of the information. Until MISTER advises people to go online and complete their profiles, I will be ignoring any and all profiles created using the app.

I'm not going to ignore Mister profiles though I might lend those profiles less credence because they are so informationally poor. This is one of my primary beefs with the Mister app and what it has done to the DH community by eroding the experience and reducing it to what we see on Grindr and Scruff. At least on Scruff you have the option of putting in a fairly extensive profile and many men do. The paucity of information accompanying Mister profiles makes the addition that app has made to DH somewhat disappointing.

It seems odd to me that Mister has had the salient effect of creating a superficial feel around here with few of those new members ever returning to beef up their profiles and tell us enough about themselves to decide if the men behind them are worth a more serious look.

I agree, so what you mean, mean what you said and talk, sup is so fucking lame it shows the inability to talk and be a lazy ass that cannot communcate and really express ones self.

LOL - the same actor in this ad who tried talking with the simple-minded douche, had also starred in an ad about Mister and bears. This actor was ATTRACTED to the bear, whose only word reply was "woof."

Ah, sweet old irony (or hypocrisy). :)

Ummmm...Did you read the subtitles? Those "woofs" were seriously deep. :)

LOL - yeah, I guess I wasn't impressed with the subtitles. ;P

Y'all created your own monster with Mister. Guys who go 'sup' are the dead-center of the smartphone user demo. And, the lack of coherence didn't just happen with Mister: It began when it was no longer *mandatory* to fully complete the "stats" and "into" sections of profiles a few years back.

DH was just wonderful when it focused on connecting older and younger men who were into each other. Instead, "no attitude" has become something of a joke, as there is plenty of attitude from younger guys who don't fill out a profile then are outraged if someone older reaches out to them. Likewise for older guys doing the same thing. This has diluted the brand, and really is dooming it to be just like every other gay site out there if it the brakes aren't applied and TPTB stop alienating their supposed target demo.

Of course, these not-flattering comments will probably just disappear like the last time long-time users voiced their disapproval of the changes. Maybe stop trying to be all things to all people and just focus on what the site did just fine for years.

It's all about the ad $$$... The more people getting on line with the app, accidentally clicking the ad link the more $$$ for the company. I can't complain about that, but... It would be nice if there were people here actually having conversations, using English or their native language.

I've noticed this too - "Mister" is born and suddenly the 'mission' of DH is broadened and us older men get called the same names we'd get called in Grindr. And sure $$$ and 'business plan' is at the root of it. My prediction - Daddyhunt will be renamed Mister in the next few years.

Maybe time to not continue to be a paid supporter? Just saying...

Hey guys,

This video is part of our effort to more fully engage new users and get them communicating more. We don't say, "People on MISTER are perfect," but, by spoofing this "Cruisey Bro," we're encouraging people to start conversations with something a little more creative. People that see this video and join MISTER/Daddyhunt are more likely to be people that want to have richer interactions.

This video is part of a whole effort to try to improve the quality of interactions on MISTER and Daddyhunt. For example, we created the MISTER Code - Maturity, Integrity, Safety, Trust, Enjoyment and Respect - earlier this year. We have more videos coming up that spoof "gays behaving badly" and we're working product innovations and other efforts to improve conversations on the site.

As for those of you that want the site to stay the same - unfortunately, for us to survive, that's just not possible. Times change and, for companies to stay competitive, they have to change as well. We appreciate constructive criticism (and praise!) and our customer service team updates us on customer complaints every week. As is life, we can't please everybody, but we do our best create new features and content we hope the majority of users will enjoy.

Thanks for reading!

I'd love to see a spoof video of two gay men acting completely ridiculous in this "online" situation.

First guy is repeatedly saying "hello", "hi", and other greetings to the second guy. The second guy just stays quiet, trying to ignore the first guy, and avoids eye contact, and holds his nose up in the air.

It would a great spoof, to show how ridiculous this online behavior would be, if we behaved that way in real life social environments because BOTH guys in the above situation are being ridiculous; the second guy, downright rude and snobby. :D

Yes, but change for its own sake is uniquely destructive.

The critics are right. Daddyhunt presents itself as a more cerebral alternative. The "Mister" app allows slacker users to get away with the minimum just to gain access to the site.

Then what?

Here's a few paraphrases of Mister profiles:

Came here to look.

Just lookin.

Chill guy.







I formulate instant impressions of these types of users: unindustrious and self-absorbed slackers, almost certainly with shaped eyebrows.

... yes...
... i think the profile and communication...
... effort...
... is diminishing...

... a conversation today...

- - - - -

... thank you...
... for viewing my profile...



- redacted -
July 19 at 5:56am

July 19 at 5:59am
... there are plenty of...
... fotos...
... on my profile...

be well.


- redacted -
July 19 at 6:00am
They are not you

July 19 at 6:07am
... some are images...
... of me...
... some not...

... no foto...
... will be me...



- redacted -
July 19 at 6:08am
Alright god

- - - - -

... a one phrase profile...
... from a member...
... who has been here...
... what is the current vernacular?...
... uhm, "less than a minute"...
... and apparently thinks...
... he's wandered onto craigslist...

... and i am paying folks...
... to cultivate this...

oohrah, navy man.


Your capture of the feckless (adj.) insipid (n.) who made those comments was priceless. . . . Truly.

I agree totally with CapitalUncut. Like all the sites, their objective is not to serve a segment of the gay population, but to make as much money as possible getting us to click our way through profiles and information. It's the vehicle they use to get money from our information. I am so sick of guys who post almost no information (and the site allows this because THEY don't care about the information) and expect us to drag out of them their precious stats. If we beg, they may offer to send a photo once we give up an email address.

DH was not always this way. When it started, there was a mission by SF guys who truly cared about intergenerational relationships. All that is meaningless to the current owners/perpetrators. MISTER is just the newest evidence. The site has given up it's meaning and isn't worthy of financial support. Make all you want from my clicks on ads, but don't ask me for a real dime.

Too many of these sites/apps like DH and Growlr act as if they are 'movement' sites that we must support financially - and they are simply gay businesses.

How can we improve communication. Get an education and care about something besides sex and physical attractiveness.
That said, I love a beautiful body as much as anyone......with a brain attached.

Completely agreed.

Gropes, winks, Sup.....all show laziness, or a lack of communication at a reasonable level. I would rather receive a short note, i.e. "liked your profile," "nice stats," or even "are you really that old? you don't look it." lol I do respond (and hope the ensuing conversation will be a better one).

Some people really should lighten up with the grope feature on DaddyHunt. It's not a sign of laziness or any other negative trait.

I give and receive gropes, looking at them as friendly, raunchy form of greeting. When I get a reply or thank you from a grope I have given, then I start a conversation with the other guy.

Really - people need to lighten up and relax. :)

That was a hilarious video. I think it did a great job of conveying a point that there are in fact people out there who desire a fuller experience in using social networking tools to and greet new richer experiences of meeting others. I have had an amazing experience with this app and have so far met some great people. Friends, people who are also in the entertainment industry and ...well let's say a bit of fun also. I am interested in communicating with someone at (MISTER) about product placement in a gay sitcom (in return for cross promotion) that I am producing, so if member of staff gets this information, please contact me on my profile email. Thank you very much. :)

Linguists say that something like 3/4 (or some other ungodly percentage) of our linguistic interactions with others exist only to confirm our acknowledgement of the other person and to confirm our place in the "pecking order." That sounds a bit high, but I accept the premise.

As to whether Hi!, Hey bro!, S'up?, Woof!, Grrr, or whatever are meaningless and stupid or not, I consider them more as opening bids in a bridge game (for those of you who still remember that game). Unless you have an blockbuster hand, you start with the lowest possible offering, throw it out there and see if there's any response from the other guy. This "auction" also includes, gropes, looks, etc. so the interaction might go something like:

Guy One: look at guy two
Guy Two: return look to guy one
Guy One: grope guy two
Guy Two: group guy one back
Guy One: "S'up?"
Guy Two: "Not much, how 'bout you?"
Guy One: "I've seen you here before. You're a good looking guy."
Guy Two: "Thanks, so are you."

Now that the ice has been broken, the conversation hasn't been cut off, and (importantly) no one's feelings have been hurt, hopefully the conversation will crank up to something interesting. My point is not that Hey dude! and S'up aren't stupid, they are; but they have their place, which is to create a reasonably secure and safe place to get to know someone. So...

How's everybody doing....?

Newspeak has arrived!

There is something to be said for a well thought out sentence and imagination. All it takes is 10 words or less to enchant.

... speaking in complete...
... sentences...
... hmmmmm...
... now that's a thought...

... i must have missed...
... the bylaws...
... declaring substance...
... directly proportional to...
... structure...


... a well thought out...
... sentence...
... and imagination...
... sounds a lot like...
... a bad day at court... ;-)