The Modern Gay Fairy Tale

June 19, 2012

We gays are often portrayed as courting drama . And while many of us avoid it at all costs, I can't help but wonder if it's inherent in our programming. Show of hands, when it comes to relationships, how many of you had a healthy, visible real life gay couple to look up to? And now one more time, show of hands, how many of you spent your formative years hiding, lying, and/or putting on a show to avoid your big gay secret from coming to light? Okay, hands down. I can't imagine many of you raised your hands for that first question, and that's no fault of yours. When I think back to my gay childhood there are certain things I cling to and they all revolved around story telling. Whether it was in the movies, on tv, or in a book, the love stories and relationships that I looked up to were all pure fiction. In the absence of a real gay relationship they're all I had. But the one common thread, and the unfortunate mark of any good love story, is that they all have obstacles to overcome. And there in lies the problem when holding your real life standards to the stories you grew up with.

I could go on about this topic, as I have at length with plenty of friends, but I'd love to hear from all of you. Do you often find yourself seeking relationships that are either unrealistic or require some miraculous turn of events for them to work out? Like the cold and distant fuck buddy who one day wakes up and is ready to be your boyfriend? Or the married man who leaves his husband for you? Or the troubled porn star/escort/stripper who quits the business to be with you and only you?

Sound off on your theories below and let's get into it!

Tags: dating, Drama, Theories
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Post written by RobHeartsDH (View Author Profile)
About this author: Rob lives in Manhattan with his black pug Riley. When he’s not thinking about daddies, he enjoys writing, eating burritos, watching copious amounts of television, and thinking about his next meal.
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Comments

If you don't have anything else to offer in a relationship besides yourself, it will never work in today's society.

Relationships are extremely fragile under any circumstance. It's a constant effort of compromise that, more often than not, breaks up. Of course, we hear about the long-term relationships of many, many years; percentage-wise those are probably one percent. We just have to do our best to make relationships work....it ain't easy!!! I had one relationship that lasted 15 years during my military days and beyond. I kept on compromising to his demands but eventually I just had to say "you've got 30 days to move out." Following that, I was lucky enough to find a sweet boy who really loved me and made no demands. Unfortunately, he was not well when I met him and eventually passed away just over four years of our being together. Even after 20 years, I still have his photos on display. It was a good "marriage" in spite of the medical problems.

We all like stories and movies of eternal love I still enjoy them .
But if those stories were true and a everyday events in everyone's life they won't sell.
That's why they're called ''stories'' my favorite saying is only in the movies.
I think it no different for gay or str8 couples but the marriage vows and children often slow down the option of separation and force str8 couples to work on there relationships
Where it's so easy for non married gay men to part when things get tough between them .
I been in 2 ltr's one 8 yrs and one 10 yrs and both were a of a lot of work .
The first yr of lust was wonderful then came the work.
Was it worth it yes and would do it again with another man.

Unrealistic or require a miraculous turn of events ...Moi? >sigh< Yes, of course. The worst part was it actually took a serious turn of events before I realized that was what I was doing. I had deluded myself that a 9+ year "apt. mate" situation was going to turn out the love affair of the century, then that the "boy" who had attached himself to me was eventually going to love me and then ... well, you get the picture.

When I finally worked through the cr...ud, I realized (and this is NOT true for everyone - but it was for me) that I knew exactly what I was getting into and how it was going to be and how it was going to turn out.

And this is the painful part - I also realized that it had become my world view - in other words, I felt that this was all I was worth. When I began to take on more self-worth, the fantasy about who/what/where/when eventually faded away. Of course, the old tapes try and replay every once-in-awhile, but I'm pretty good now at realizing where it comes from and what to do about it.

Sure it would be lovely to have the fantasy become reality - but, if it did ... It's no longer fantasy and probably no longer interesting. That said, of course a little fantasy goes a l o n g way in the bedroom ... I'm just saying .... :)

I was lucky enough to find that special someone with whom I could share my life. During our "courting" I had serious doubts about our relationship continuing, for reasons I will not divulge. We moved in together after 8 months, even though I still had doubts, wanting the kind of relationship my parents had. The first two years were difficult but we always managed to work through any issues without animosity. One year later, my partner got a job transfer to another city 200 miles away. Thankfully, our relationship was strong enough to endure the long distance (and weekends and holidays in each others cities helped). One year later, I moved to his city, found a great job and we continued to share our lives together. In 2000, my partner was diagnosed with lymphoma. After a few months of chemo, he went into remission, but the cancer came back. After more chemo and radiation, he succumbed to the cancer and past away the weekend before Thanksgiving. Our dog and I were alone..I sold our house, moved to an apartment and doggie & I started over again. Doggie past away three years ago. What I went through with my partner and his cancer...I would do it again in a heartbeat. I am now dating a wonderful man, we've both been through a lot in past relationships, keeping our guards up, opening up slowly. Looking forward to another chance at a loving relationship.

This brought tears to my eyes. Maybe someday there can be another love in your life. Not to replace the one you had for that should always be a part of you, but one that will fill you heart to overflowing and happiness for the years to come.

Sadale

WOW- you and I lived the same weekend before Thanksgiving.Three days after our 18th anniversary we found out he had lymphoma- 3 months and 19 days later he was gone. I have spent the last five and a half years learning how to breathe again. I was lucky; we became best friends over six months of long phone calls. Both of us saying-no freaking realationship ever again. Just looking for friends. We agreed to finally meet-we would know who each other was by the cars we drove. In those long phone conversations we didn't ask what each other looked like because we were just looking for friends. When we got out of our respective cars we both had the same reaction- oh shit- I'm going to love this man. We were best friends-and partners. Like I said- I was very lucky. We set the ground rules at the beginning-agreed to stand by them and each other whatever it took.It was hard work sometimes-easy most of the time; but I would do it all over again even knowing the ending. So I'm out here tap dancing on thin ice-seeing what the world has to offer..
I am so glad you met a new guy. Let him in by taking one brick out of the wall at a time- grab that chance with both hands-you deserve it. Chaz

What a beautiful, touching story. My eyes are watery. Thank you soooooo much for sharing. I wish you every happiness.

hang in there! I wish you both the greatest of happiness.

hang in there! I wish you both the greatest of happiness.

but once you have found a guy that makes you smile, and not because of great sex two or three times a day because that will slow over years... nothing, seriously NOTHING in a fairy-tale comes close to detail all these damn pitfalls .. they actually point you the wrong direction altogether ... my LTR fell apart because I lacked the strength to dually buttress his grief and keep the universe together when his dog died. it's probably a unique situation, but it taught me something I hope helps you or someone else: happiness truly deep down and the relationship between two people has less to do with sex, money and looks, but simply having someone there to catch you... to really catch you.

Yes I had great gay role models! Jim and Steve over 40 years in a monogamous relationship. Matt and David 32 years before David passed away. Monogamous again. Bob and Tom 17 years and counting, beautiful men and monogamous to the day one of them died or are still working at it!But many men I knew would say they were not telling the truth, because some think it is impossible to love and have sex with same person and not cheat on them at one time or another.

Oh yes I have also know many wonderful couples who have been together 28, 13, 41 17 years in open relationships. But I have also see the hurt, heartache and the break ups that happens in some of them. Yes, you can have the arrangement but some day someone with a bigger dick, a better lay, more money, younger or better looking is going to come along. Then where are you going to be or where is your lover going to be when one of you just by accident falls in lust/love with someone else? Where will your strength be to fight to hold your happy every after together? Just maybe you will have to say good bye to him and your happy ever after!

What I have seen is that it depends on what you both want and who you surround yourselves with. If your friends are supportive then you may have a chance but if your friend are envious of who you love and what the two of you have then there may be a break up in your future. Maybe someone wants one of you and are willing to break you up, you might be doomed. But if the people around you want nothing but the best and love seeing what you share, you may have a chance.

How much are you willing to give and how much is your partner willing to give. I heard from most people that its a 50/50 thing but they are wrong in my experience as a marriage counselor. It needs to be 100%/100%. Both have to give all they can and work at it all the time. You can have the happy ever after if you both are willing to work at it for ever after!

Maybe we did not have all that many roll models as we were growing up, but it only takes one couple to show you that it can work! Just maybe it is not some made up fairy tale. That it is possible if you both want to have it!

The question is do you want that type of love? Are you doing what you can to be the role models for the new generation coming up? How much love are you willing to give to have your "happy ever after"?

I vote for love, companionship, honoring, respect, dedication, protection, togetherness and the gift of total devotion! I feel these are some of the ingredients to a happy ever after. for our generation and the next!

Sadale

I used to dream that I would find the right man, get "married," and raise a family. I was a virgin until my late 20's because I was holding onto that dream. But then, I started dating and I realized that I was not the settling down type. Whether it was because of my stubbornness, pride, or personal insecurities, I felt that it was not fair if I pursued a relationship with anyone.

So, I lost my virginity to an acquaintance, and since then have had occassional hookups. Granted, I'm very selective about the men that I share my body with (and use protection of course). Sometimes, it will be months (or even years) until I pursue any entanglements. If you speak to any of my hookups, they might tell you that I haven't let go of that old dream because I'm so friendly. But they never realize that I'm just being courteous and treating them with respect. I'm not invested in anything beyond our brief encounters. Sometimes, I wish they could reciprocate the respect that I show them.

Recently, I've found myself in love with a tuxedo cat that hangs around my apartment. And I dream about inviting it into my place. But it will never work out. I don't think I'll ever be into pussy. ;)

Where is my fairy god mother? Tomorrow, June 20th, I turn 52. It also marks three years that I had sex with a man for the first time. I was married to a woman, in the closet for 27 years. Bunch of kids, grandkids. Came out, divorced shortly after. Living alone. In my adolescence, been with lots of men, all ages, all scenes. Thought it would be a cinch to get a bf. Lots of fish in the sea here in Los Angeles. Nice guy here, could never be an ass hole, parents raised me right. Like to have coffee dates first and hold off on the mattress. That seems to be a fairy tale, lol. Hoping some fairy dust will blow through my window, land on my body, and attract some nice guy on the line at the local market. A guy can dream...can't he?

I can't speak for others but I'll admit that I have had a fairy tale love. We met in January of 2008 and at the end of March that same year we had a ceremony at the LGBT center in San Francisco. From that point on we went to bed and woke up every morning next to one another whether it was in our own place, across the country, or even on the other side of the planet. And when we would separate for the day we were always there to greet one another at the door with an "i missed you" and a kiss upon one another's arrival home. I was very fortunate to find someone who loved every part of me, the good and the bad, UNconditionally.

It's been just over a year now since he passed away but I take one day at a time and I live every moment remembering the most truest love I've ever experienced. And I can't help but to go out each day into the world and have a strong desire to show and share this kind of love to every human being I encounter. The interesting thing about it is that it doesn't ever seem to get tiring. In fact it just seems like it compounds every day.

On a side note, I just want to mention that my favorite fairy tale retelling is "Tangled", the story of Rapunzel from Disney's view. I always tear up at the end even though I know what's going to happen. :)

Have a great day everyone!

Is the writer of the article up for grabs? If so, i call dibs.

You have great taste. But I'm afraid you'll have to get in line. And it's a VERY long line. I think every man here at DaddyHunt has called dibs on Rob at one time or another.

Been looking for over 10 years, haven't even found someone interested enough to meet me, much less anything else. So goes the story of my life.............

An unfortunate side effect of Disney in my youth is that I'm still looking for that tall smooth slender white handsome prince, and I'm old, fat, bald, and hairy bear. I was told that whilst working on "Beauty and the Beast" one of the writers proposed after the beast was magically transformed into the stock prince, Beauty could have said "Could you keep the beard?"

I would love to find my prine forget about that bitch princess I am better than she is

Story telling is a universal human quality. It may be the one thing that sets us apart from other animals. Stories explain social rules and roles ie. Rapunzal waits to be rescued and the witch gets shoved in the oven.
Any one [regardless of orientation] that attempts to make their life fit inside a fictional narrative is going to suffer as a result. Stories are for telling us about consequences not how to catch the gold-ring.
If anything seperates us from straight folks, it is our attention to a narrative that does not fit and trying to bend it to our will. True-love, happily ever after, soul-mates, they are literary devices as much as the 'warrior-king' and the 'evil-stepmother'. Fiction is instructive, entertaining, but rarely profitable. If you want a great story write one. Dont try to live it unless you like tragedy.

I have found via several long term relationships that the essential part of any healthy relationship is Self Acceptance and Self Esteem. If those are in doubt, the predisposition of the couple sliding down that slippery road of "role" based relationship is going to happen. But when you start the relationship with the understanding that you have found someone that you want to share your explorations of yourself and life, and that person proves themselves trustable to telling the truth, no matter the issue, and you don't take things personally... then two people can continue to grow and evolve, supporting and contributing to each other. If the relationship is based on roles, then who doesn't get bored and want some action that is stimulating? The problem I have seen in my practice is that Gay men (self included) were not given the chance to explore ourselves, accept ourselves, celebrate ourselves in the communities we grew up, so where would we have learned those tools? Then, when we do engage in our community, it is filled with other men/women disabled like ourselves in the area of self acceptance. At that point, we are only left with the tools we learned; hiding, getting validation outside of ourselves, labels, emotionally unavailable and role based relationships. Recipe for dysfunction... and role modeling for younger generations to repeat via observation. I would hope that over time, and acceptance, we would all take the time to figure out what we bring to life, our uniqueness, and be able to have fun with that.... instead of the judgmental, critical, role based relationships endemic to our community.

I would think it difficult to be in a "fairy tale relationship" if one is more honestly interested in fair men or fairy tails. I don't have a clue what keeps two men together over the long run; sometimes it's love or common passions in life, but aren't some relationships mainly motivated by a fear of living alone, a need for security, or a financially attractive arrangement? What dismays me at times is when someone in an "LTR" says to me "Oh yes, we're STILL together." I congratulate them, but then ask, "And you still have sex?" The answer all too often is "Oh heavens no...we're both bottoms" or "We haven't had sex in years!" This gives me pause. An LTR sounds beautiful; an SDR (sexually deficient relationship) not quite as much. Granted, sex should not be the centerpiece of your union, but if it's not on the table at all my appetite wanes. Flowers and wine are wonderful; I'm an Irish guy so I LOVE romance, but I don't wish to live with a sweetly affectionate room mate who ignores the "hard" facts of life. That may seem shallow, but I've lived with sexual firebrands and also once with a man who was a great friend but there was no sexual spark; both ended, for different reasons. When it comes to sex and romance, guess I'm in the market for a Hybrid.

I had exactly what I wanted. We met online when it was a very new thing and moved in with each other 3 months later. My family and All of my friends were supportive. Virtually all of our friends liked us both as "that couple". We travelled, met new friends wherever we went and enjoyed taking care of each other. It wasn't always perfect but we expected to grow old together and be there until the end. We were together for more than 12 years. Sadly he passed away unexpectedly a few years ago. I went from In A Relationship, to It's Complicated, to Single and have been so ever since.

I don't want to exactly replace what I lost as I'm not sure if I can have that same feeling again. But I do want something new. Something I can call my own. A love that can go on and on and I can smile each day knowing I have someone to come home to. No rush. It will happen when it's supposed to.

My beautiful man of 20 years died a year ago. I was 12 years younger than him but knew instantly on meeting that he was why I had stayed single until I was 28. He on the other hand had not only been married and had two children but had also had a number of shorter term male relationships. Life was not always a fairy tale, ups and downs were around each corner, more so in the earlier years of the relationship, probably more to do with my immaturity than any lack of commitment on his part. Our sexual relationship stayed hot and steamy right through, and no, we were not exclusive, but what we did have was a deep and abiding love for each other. My mother always advised me that if you loved something and didn't bind it too tightly it would always come back to you. I miss him greatly and will never forget what he said to me when he was diagnosed as terminal, "I'm not scared of dying, I'm scared of leaving you, the one I love". My parents, to the best of my knowledge, were monogamous. They had a wonderful life together but also not always smooth sailing, so my mother's advice was not based on the view of an open relationship. We all need space to make our way through a life that is fraught with different needs and temptations - don't suffocate each other, rather help each other to grow and be there to pick each other up.

I have really appreciated reading all the thoughts and experiences that have been shared on this thread. I have reached midlife and only now am beginning to explore life as a gay man. I have had two serious relationships in my life. One was platonic but in every other way that man was my partner. It tragically ended with his suicide many years ago. The second relationship was with a man who is happily alive and well and living with his partner in another state. But that relationship was the most important one I ever had because my friend taught me to accept myself as a gay man, come out to others, and finally live my life as I should.

Now that I have embarked on this voyage of discovery I am finding it very useful to get the thoughts and experiences of other gay men. This is especially true at this particular time because I have met someone and we are at the very beginning of getting to know each other. We have communicated via instant messaging, e-mail and phone conversations and will soon have our first date. That will determine whether we will move forward, but I am excited to even be doing this at all. The voyage has meant sailing on vast open water with no land on the horizon for a while, but I am determined to keep sailing until I make landfall on a coast that is not only friendly, but life-affirming and brimming over with wonders as well. Then I will make my way inland with a man I love and who loves me to see what we can discover together.

For the rest of you I can only wish "fair winds and following seas" on your own voyages. Thanks to the Internet and modern technology as well as a more liberal and accepting climate in many places, we have better prospects of having a good life with the man we love than ever before. This website is one manifestation of the progress that has been made, as a "late bloomer" like me can readily attest to. I am glad that is so.

peosonally i think some of us are not ment for the coupled life.. i think im to selfish .. im ok with being alone though.. i do hold out hope though .

It's funny cause at age 49 I still believe in finding that prince charming, not exactly like the one in a Disney movie, one can be charming from within and allow it to flow outwards, the charm I am still looking for is a guy who is charming within, who is willing to make it happen, who will be faithful and till death do us part, yeah a fairy tail. But here is something I am going to do about it and I hope to do this not only for me but for all of you who still believe but never had the chance, I am thinking about making a book about a gay fairytale that will make many be identified in such a way that it will make you feel good about who you are today!

First I wanted someone to save me from my father, then I wanted a partnership in music (like Benjamin Britten & Peter Pears, or Francis Poulenc and Pierre Bernac - composer/classical singer pairs.) From 1976 to 1999 I found nothing like it. Then, Dennis found me - and though he didn't sing, he supported my composing through his knowledge of music, computers, software, literature, and skill. We only lasted six months because I started getting splitting headaches when I was about to orgasm during sex. I thought I was bored with him. When he said "Let's break up" I was relieved. Turned out to be a problem with medication I was on. If I had it to do all over again I would have spoken to my doctor (but doctors only practice medicine - who knows what answer I would have been given on a given day). You only know so much. Dennis moved on quickly to other men, but we are still friends.

There was life before Dennis (abysmal), life with Dennis (the best ever) and life after Dennis (good.) I've finally started dating after a 12 year absence. They have been a string of losers (including the one who wanted me to do crystal meth with him...) I'm not waiting for Dennis again, but I deserve someone quality - don't you?

I am supremely fortunate that I did get the fairy tale. I found the love of my life and to my great surprise, he feels the same way about me.
We separated after 15 of the best years of my life. We didn't find each other until I was 39 and he was 33 and both so jaded each of us had separately declared we were never going to do the "partner" thing again.
Then we met each other.
You know what, boys? Love has damned little to do with it. Love is NOT everything. Everything is doing the dishes, and going to work everyday, and, as one poster pointed out: being there to catch the other when they fall!
My ex was the first person in my life who didn't gleefully step over my body and go on their merry way the first time I failed, or fell. Instead, he propped me up, taking on some pretty huge burdens--completely reversing the "roles" we had seen for each other when we were setting up our lives together.
I had always been the breadwinner and the strong one, my "partner" clinging to my shoulders as I plunged through the world, being the white knight and valiant champion.
Even white knights fall off their horse occasionally. And whenever I did, the person I was with, well, left me to wallow in my broken-ness.
I fully expected my ex to do the same thing. I was convinced I was destined for a box under a bridge because something had happened I simply couldn't overcome.
Nope...he was right there. Because, we didn't expect love to conquer all. It's the everyday little responsibilities and rewards that conquer all. Love is the cherry on top, not the lynch-pin through the middle. It's seeing that something needs to be done and doing it, not bitching at the other guy to do it for you. But, it takes both of you to do that. Like the marriage counselor posted: it's 100% and 100%, not 50/50.
We met and waited a year and a day, as proscribed by Olde Religion standards, then got "married" at a souvenir shop on the wharf in New Orleans. Our witness was the counter-lady who sold us our engagement ring, sterling silver with turquoise for him and black onyx for me. She cried while we exchanged vows and ringed each other. And we ended up with the castle in Maine and happily ever after.
Yes, he's my ex now. Our marriage after 15 years could not survive my illness. I changed too much too fast. It was if he had aged 15 years and I had aged 30. He was willing to keep it going--for his sake, I was not. I had become a completely different person than the one he'd married too fast for either of us to truly cope. The love is still there, he's my absolutely very best friend and will always be the love of my life, but, gentlemen, love--all by itself--is simply not enough.
It's the errands and the groceries and the taxes, and the dishes and the pups and the house and going out and staying in. The bills and the scares and the triumphs.
So, the bottom line is if that guy won't take care of himself and take care of you everyday even when you don't particularly feel all that loving that day and you won't do the same, then "love" doesn't mean a damned thing.
All those other people who abandoned their champion the first time my feet showed any sign of clay "loved" me, it certainly was not enough.
But, that man in Maine still loves me. I still love him. And "we" still have the castle in Maine and now we have an "abbey" in Nevada. We still have our boys and we still concern ourselves with "the bills" and he's doing really well--I think he's in love again with a really terrific guy--and I'm content and comfortable.
---Once upon a time, and now, not the end---

I could always stand to be a damsel in distress who needs to be saved from some horrible tyrant... but then I flash back to reality and realize life is a whole lot less epic. But seriously, I always just imagined bumping into some guy when i am least expecting it, have a serious of silly awkward moments, falling in love and growing old together. I never wanted anything overly flashy or insane, just something solid and reliable. I attribute it to my grandparents who have been madly in love for over 50 years.

In my younger years It was always family that loved me.They were always loving but tied to others.Seems like I keep repeating the pattern,getting involved with married men that are tied down.Is it to much to ask to have a sane relationship with one loving man?

Fairy tales.. Damn you 90s for making me cynical about them. I still like them but I think I have outgrown the dream of dirty old man that'll come sweep me off this mud of a country.

Drama to one guy is just exploration to another and so on. If lack of drama means that someone is hiding in a barn and being afraid to be known to be gay then thats not a good thing to conform too much. Entertainment like movies and atmospheric restaurants are part of life drama that makes people feel a bit less mundane like if they were to just sit on a bench and talk in a socially correct style till they fall asleep so a little liveliness is good.

I believe that we are all aiming for one thing, and that is to find the right guy for us, and it is a fairy tale because love is magic, a spark in our hearts and that sweet first kiss! These are all part of dramas in our lives, and we need that sometime to have that affection, that feeling that we are loved... Hope to find my white daddy here.... Am I am waiting!

If you are chatting with various random people then that never works. There are many elements in society that can make things work great or simply get too analytical and picky with issues if they act like 2 therapy-group buddies meeting and just talking from scratch about mundane things like choices of bath shops and nutrition centers. Daddy types sometimes recognize certain elements that the average professional with cologne and 3-piece suit would not understand and where elements that draw certain types together might even be labeled in negative ways or clinical ways like claiming that someone who likes the holidays has a holiday tree complex when they are just being human and doing what makes people in their world of stuff feel all warm and fuzzy for sure. DOesnt matter what editors say on the Internet to make people without PHD's seem like they are cave men with big clubs that should put down their traditions and beliefs and surrendur to the power of the pen where it is no longer the case that the pen or text is mighty like it once was when so many people were not as aware of what goes on in manipulative media. Relationships will always blow up if its like the sort of random characters on "Will and Grace" where instead of commitment there is the constant expanding of social adventures where hopping from one bed to another is simply like doing a term paper or a book report on the art of screwing with people.

Call me delusional but.... I still think "Someday my Prince will come" and I am not giving up hope. I am older (59) and have not had a significant other in my life for a long time. By no means am I unattractive, it just hasn't happened. I am quite shy around people. I am not anti-social just afraid to approach someone because I am afraid that once they hear my age they will think that I am too freaking old. I, of course, would be really delusional to think I would be a catch for a 20 year old but even age appropriate gay guys who I have been interested in are not looking for someone their own age. It's their ego that willl not allow themselves to hook up with someone their own age. Go figure. So I will continue to be a fool for love and think maybe someday.....

I hope you find him! Keep looking and someday you just might. I will be looking for someday with you

Fairy Tale Romance and All That
“We gays are often portrayed as courting drama . And while many of us avoid it at all costs, I can’t help but wonder if it’s inherent in our programming. Show of hands, when it comes to relationships, how many of you had a healthy, visible real life gay couple to look up to? And now one more time, show of hands, how many of you spent your formative years hiding, lying, and/or putting on a show to avoid your big gay secret from coming to light? Okay, hands down. I can’t imagine many of you raised your hands for that first question, and that’s no fault of yours. When I think back to my gay childhood there are certain things I cling to and they all revolved around story telling. Whether it was in the movies, on tv, or in a book, the love stories and relationships that I looked up to were all pure fiction. In the absence of a real gay relationship they’re all I had. But the one common thread, and the unfortunate mark of any good love story, is that they all have obstacles to overcome. And there in lies the problem when holding your real life standards to the stories you grew up with.”
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Homo: ah, the gays, they are wonders, you’ll agree. They love the soap opera romance, even as it makes them sigh and cry and die, over and over and… As True Romantics they blindly believe in the Religion of Romantic Love. Just listen to any empty-headed pop song for the blueprint of social construction/propaganda. “He’s the only one.” “My one and only.” “Forever and ever.” Ja, if you are talking about anthropology of teen dating. Unfortunately, it’s not just gay pop culture: this “idea” has become one of the cornerstone shibboleths of the Gays: I gotta fin’ myself a MAN, or even more perverse: gay liberation means I got a RIGHT to a man. The fool’s rush to the altar has never been more popular. We say, give them their rights…but first consider:
Did it ever enter their lacquered little heads that Love (the hearts and flowers stuff) was a dead end in relationships? Romantic Love is an adolescent farce, a limbic program that is set off for procreation so that our species can have a varied gene pool. Thus the eighteen months of bliss followed by eighteen years of nightmare. At one time Homosexuals were not really called up for this duty, but the idiot gays have volunteered us all! (Just like with that army/navy thing, damn their fuzzy heads all to hell!) Despite all the divorce statistics, the drama and the futility, they still don’t see that homos been dealt a winning hand. Have they ever gotten a received idea they didn’t like? Ach. We say, go for it girls, but count us out on the registry.
Homos believe happiness for us, and we speak only for our small ancient band, lies not in chasing fickle hearts and wobbly rainbows (and a two drink minimum) but in building solid friendships with good men that last through life. Cock and Valentines are all very nice, but in the end we rely on neither for OUR happiness. Men who we respect, admire and love (agapeishly) we place on a pedestal. Relationships are unique exchanges between two individuals and therefore precious. We think the idea of finding one person to fulfill all or even most of our needs, interests and desires is a ludicrous set-up for failure. Sex and love, blind dogs that they are, trot to the tune of amity. We Homos marry our friends, our lovers must stand and wait outside until we drink the last draught at the Symposium.

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Hope one day everyone finds their fairytale ending... We all deserve it.

EVERY MAN CHEATS no matter how perfect their relationship appears. I refuse to imagine monogamy is part of any ones life. We are only happy if we are reaching for something more. If something is already in our grasp, it has already begone to lose its luster. As soon as that person you like finds out, they treat it like a cage and you're holding the key.

I'm glad the 90's cleared up the fantasy of relationships. The next generation is getting the truth about what's real, at a much younger age. This way, the cycle of bogus relationships can come to an end. They will no longer be programed to hope for something that isn't real, allowing their lives to be more fulfilling, rather than always feeling cheated in life.

You have no idea what you are talking about. You may cheat, but not all gay men do! Speak for your own inabilities to be faithful not mine or others.

One thing that is so sad. Too many gays offer the reasons why it wont work and very few offering the ways to help the dream come true and how to help the happy ever after be the norm! Way to many my have their glass half empty or manybe totally empty rather than looking at the glass half full to full. I am sorry for anyone who feels life is just a quick hookup and then death.