Daddies Against DOMA

November 8, 2011
Category: Politics

The progress we've made in the past few years is pretty spectacular when you think about it. Today, the LGBT community is closer than ever to having full equality. We're almost there. And as the dominoes of inequality continue to fall one after the other, we have to remember to keep the momentum going. Which is why today, we're asking you to do one tiny thing to help eliminate the Defense of Marriage Act. DOMA, the unjust law that Republicans still continue to defend at the taxpayers expense, is just days away from the beginning of the end. This Thursday, the Senate Judiciary Committee will meet to consider Sen. Diane Feinstein's legislation, the Respect for Marriage Act. The problem is they still need to collect 50,000 signatures.

Sign the HRC's petition now to push forward the DOMA repeal.

Most of you already know this but in case you don't:

"DOMA is an enormous obstacle to equality for same-sex couples and their families, denying them key marriage benefits and imposing harsh, unfair economic burdens.

They are deprived of crucial Social Security survivor benefits after a spouse passes away. They cannot file joint federal income taxes, and they cannot take unpaid leave under the Family and Medical Leave Act. Some couples are torn apart by the deportation of a non-citizen spouse forced to return to his or her home country.

Because of DOMA, gay or lesbian service members – who finally serve openly, because we repealed "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" – will lose veterans spousal benefits, including the right of the spouse to be buried in a national cemetery. The law insists on treating lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender Americans as inferior."

Daddies Against DOMA Unite!

Tags: Politics, marriage equality, equality, DOMA, Repeal
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Post written by RobHeartsDH (View Author Profile)
About this author: Rob lives in Manhattan with his black pug Riley. When he’s not thinking about daddies, he enjoys writing, eating burritos, watching copious amounts of television, and thinking about his next meal.
View all posts by RobHeartsDH


I hate HRC, but I will sign the petition because it is important to the overall health of the gay community. I hope HRC doesn't put me back on their mailing list.

Totally get that. I know a lot of people aren't on the best terms with the HRC, but for now they're helping. Thanks for signing!

Agreed wholeheartedly. I'll be signing this since I'm against DOMA, rather than allying myself with the HRC.

Within 30 minutes of signing, I got an email from someone at HRC asking me to do something else. That's one of the reasons I don't like them. Do whatever is necessary to get your name off any mailing (or emailing) lists they might maintain.

Regarding the issue of DOMA, a lot of the debate is really about perception and framing. Members of the general public are more inclined to approve of laws and policies they perceive will protect children and that strengthen commitment to the idea of family.

Fact is most Americans don’t think about their own marriages in terms of rights. Those rights are assumed. Bringing the discussion of marriage to those rights just makes people uncomfortable - and that does not do anybody any favors. Marriage is instead about “fidelity” and “responsibility" and "commitment" and "what's best for the children". By focusing too much on issues such as inheritance, taxation, social security (all true and very real economic burdens that DOMA imposes unfairly on same-sex couples), HRC and other advocates risk loosing the general public or at least reducing their support.

Surveys show that members of the general public support "marriage equality" over "gay/ same-sex marriage" by significant margins (61pct vs 52pct, in one recent poll). That's not surprising when you consider that Americans as a whole believe themselves to be the supporters and defenders of liberty and equality and opportunity and justice for all. Historic and current failures to actually uphold these values in actuality not withstanding these are some of the underlying values we celebrate every Fourth of July.

And while it would be nice if national policy was decided on it's merits, we all know that is all too seldom the case. The fight over DOMA will probably revolve around three things:

Words. Framing. Perception.

DOMA hurts young children by placing them at legal and medical risk should one parent be incapacitated or unavailable to make the necessary decisions all parents must make. DOMA hurts people who are badly hurt or dying, by denying their partners access to them or the legal right to speak for them. If a same-sex couple with children breaks up, absent the legal institution of marriage and its protections of spousal obligations to minors, the children are at undue risk of economic hardship. DOMA hurts elderly same-sex couples by denying them the simple validation of the fact that, like it or not, they are what they have always been; a couple, a family. The sad truth is that an unintended consequence of DOMA is it directly attacks things conservatives and liberals both value, things like "family", "fidelity", “responsibility", "commitment", and "what's best for the children".

It will take more than the efforts of HRC and other advocate groups to win this. We can't rely on others to fight our battles. This battle must be won first in the streets, in the hearts and minds of the people around us. We are all part of this fight.

Hi, I'm from Bangladesh. I thought The USA is gay-friendly. But now I can see that The USA is a Homophobic. I am really surprised to know all about DOMA. Are Americans really homophobic like that? Jeez !

2011 almost 2012 and I find USA very homophobic....NYC/NJ areas....VERY HOMOPHOBIC...

Yes, the USA is so homophobic, we make most of the countries in the Middle East look like a Lady Gag circuit party bath house...

/eye roll
/face palm

Compare the attitude of Barack Obama to the attitude of the President of Iran, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.
He said there are no homosexuals in Iran.
Barack Obama attends homosexual events.

Sorry, have to wholeheartedly disagree with the USA being so homophobic. Granted there are pockets of extreme homophobia interspersed throughout the USA, but folks this is a very big country, bound to be anecdotal instances. As I correspond with wonderful men via Daddyhunt and other sites, I find in conversations that the USA is probably in the middle or upper third of gay supportive countries. The good men I have met through this site in the Muslim countries express tremendous fears of being discovered to the point of literally communicating in their closets, using fake photos, etc. for the real fear of being put to death. I am so thankful that honor killings does not exist in my family.

This issue, unfortunately, the USA is finding itself way behind the pack, that of gay freedoms and gay recognition. I envy the progressiveness of many of the European countries, we will be there someday, right does eventually prevail in the USA.

In terms of DOMA, time will make right. In this case, this clearly is a generational concern. As the olders die off and the youngers grow in population, the numbers are there for gay equality to happen. I am 55, 10-15 years ago I had no hope to be where we are today in my I feel full and true equality just years away. Tremendous blessings to all the activists, those who have given their lives, put themselves in danger, spent countless hours for our benefit. That includes all of us who live simple good lives representing ourselves as being good and loving people. It is hard for the rational to not look at us and see we are all the same, simply wanting to love and be loved.

Calling America "Homophobic" is a Massive Misnomer.
You think we are Saudi Arabia or any other Middle Eastern Nation, Most of Africa or a Good portion of Asia and South/Central America? ALL of which have a Great Deal More restrictions on GLBTs than America does. China is almost as bad as Saudi Arabia against Gays, and you want to call America Homophobic?
In America GLBTs have about 95% of the Same Rights and Privileges that Straights have.

But, Considering that Just 43 years ago, is when the Riots at Stonewall occured, and How Much Progress has been made, Calling America "Homophobic" is Just an intention to Incite tension, which is NOT necessary.

America HAS ALWAYS been SLOW to Change on Most Social issues. It took 100 years from the end of the civil War until the REPUBLICANS Forced the DEMOCRATS to Accept Civil RIGHTS, but the DEMOCRATS fought Tooth and Nail AGAINST them. But, BOTH sides have a lot of blame for things regarxding GLBTs, and BOTH Continually Vote AGAINST GLBT Rights.

IF we were Saudi Arabia, Iran, or even Palestine, then I could accept that America is Homophobic. But, considering that I have a GREATER Chance of being Randomly Mugged than Gay-Bashed in America, tells me a Great Deal about the Tiny amount of Homophobia this nation has.

Your points are well taken but your emphasis on REPUBLICANS and DEMOCRATS is misleading ... There was once a time when there were liberals and conservatives in both parties. The Dixiecrats (ie. Southern Democrats) were extremely conservative in the civil rights era -- Strom Thurmond was a Democrat for God's sake! -- but they did not represent the party as a whole and later became Republicans. There were still far more Democrats that voted for the Civil Rights Act than Republicans (albeit the Democratic majority was also very large and more Democrats than Republicans also voted against it). Better, I believe, to speak in terms of which faction was progressive and which was not - seeing as how the progressive viewpoint is almost always proved correct by history (the notable exception being prohibition). It's like when the Republicans like to say that they are the party of Lincoln ... Lincoln was a progressive, and would certainly not be a Republican if he were from this era.

I second the words of the last three posts! Very well done. I wouldnt trade the US for any other country and its obvious that a lot of others continue to feel the same way. thanks

i did trade the u.s. for canada, which has a much better track record than the us for lgbt rights. same-sex unions, for example, have been legal here since 2005 on the federal, provincial, and local level. there is nobody attempting to put in a constitutional ban on gay marriage here and god knows how long america will remain behind other countries, like canada, in terms of making marriage a legal option for all citizens. canada has also put into law a ban against all anti-gay discrimination, including hate speech. the u.s. did implement the matthew shepard act of 2009, but there is still no federal ban against anit-gay discrimination. for christ's sakes there are still sodomy laws on the books in numerous states that are used to persecute gays! living the u.s., i saw quite a bit of homophobia, much of which is institutionalized and ongoing. i was living in portland, oregon, argubly one of the most liberal, progressive, and accepting cities in the states, but a spate of gaybashing going on before i moved continued to make front-page news. the reverend fred phelps is a born and raised american who operates out of america and is one of the most vile homophobes in the entire world. 2010 was a terrible year for gay teens in america as five of our own committed suicide rather than go on living with the bullying that they had to endure based on their sexuality. the military policy of "don't ask, don't tell" continues to stir up caontroversy and hatred whereas in other countries, sexual minority integration is a thing of the past. here in canada, a study shows that performance has not declined since the lgbt began openly serving in the canadian forces in 1992. american politicians such as michele bachmann and mike huckabee have called gays sick and akin to drug users and unfit to adopt and serve in the military. american missionaries are responsible for the current state of affairs in uganda, including legislation whereby repeat homosexual offenders should be submitted to the death penalty. so homophobia does continue to thrive in america and not just in isolated pockets. the fact that this post was originally about doma, and by extension, other political issues such as california's proposition 8, lets me know that there is still a ton of homophobia in america. proposition 8 did not turn out well for the lgbt community in america, as you might remember due to the fact that a majority said "yes, marriage is only recognized between a man and a woman in california". as is often the case, americans have this mindset that although it is not a perfect country but it is the best that the world has to offer and so just put up and shut up because if you think it is bad, then go live somewhere else where it is even worse. trouble is that same mindset makes americans uninterested in the what happens in the rest of the world and that in turn makes them look ignorant when they don't have a clue that things are actually much better in other countries because they've never taken the time to find out, by travelling there, reading about other places, or otherwise. well sometimes if you think it is bad, then go live somewhere else, where it is in fact better.

Gay people are here helping to awaken the compassion in humanity. That is part of our purpose; and it is a noble one.

There is more love in our community for one another than there ever has been before. We have learned a whole lot along the way.

As we move through the year 2012, our contribution to helping Humanity find it's balance and true compassion for one another will be revealed in full color.

And, so it is. We can rejoice.

I wonder what gay men will do w/the "adulterous" situation which is part of the divorce/marriage code?..are all these men ready for the ramifications of their actions legally??????