Where Would We Daddies Be Without Our Mamas

May 6, 2011
Category: Dating

I think Honest Abe summed it up perfectly when he said, “All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother." I'm a self-professed mama's boy as well, and as Abe so poignantly said, I wouldn't be who I am or where I am today without her. From accepting me as a gay man to sending me chicken soup when I'm sick, she's always been there to support me. And with Mother's Day coming up, I thought it only fair that we pay tribute to our loving mothers, but in a very Daddyhunt way.

Like I said before, my mom's been great with the whole gay thing. After she got over the initial shock, she was waving rainbow flags all over the place. She even came to a few gay bars with me. But it took her a little longer to get used to the idea that I had a predilection for older men. Probably because in most cases they were closer to her age than mine. Which is understandable. Even with my straight brother she tends to be protective. It seems though that outside of the gay world though, there's still a stigma against May-December romances. When I was 20 I briefly introduced her to an older gentlemen I was dating and while she approved of me dating a man, she worried about me being taken advantage of by an older one. Of course all her fears, much like her initial ones to me coming out, were not particularly realistic, but at the time they seemed so. In recent years, she's made peace with it and realized that it's not something that's going to change anytime soon. And while I haven't brought a guy home in a while, I know that when the time comes, it'll matter more about me being happy than being with someone my age. And for that I am grateful.

But what about you guys? What kind of experiences have you all had with bringing a younger/older man home to mom, or the family at large?

Tags: Family, moms, mother's day
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Post written by RobHeartsDH (View Author Profile)
About this author: Rob lives in Manhattan with his black pug Riley. When he’s not thinking about daddies, he enjoys writing, eating burritos, watching copious amounts of television, and thinking about his next meal.
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Comments

Well... The year was 1993, I was strapping young lad who just came out to his parents. My mum cried for 2 mins & my dad didn't speak to me for 6 mths. Think it hit him harder, that his only son is gay.

As for bringing someone home. Well my last bf was 21 we were together 2.5 yrs. That was 2 yrs ago. I brought him home & Mum thought he was the son she never had. So all in all good experiences or relatively good at least they weren't cataclysmic.

It's been a process... as a family of "born-again-christians" you can imagine how my "coming out" went... 20 years (didn't talk for 6 years) & 3 relationships later we've all learned how to handle the situations at hand. And while I STILL love my mom dearly, she now understands that... she doesn't pay my mortgage (I don't live with her)... she doesn't buy me food or clothes (I work)... and she doesn't have to live with MY CHOICE for partner. So, we get along just GREAT!!!

Bring him home - not a chance, but let me explain... My mum & dad were always quite cool about my sexuality, I told them quite late in life (26 years of age) and though my mum didn't want me to tell my dad I was gay (she told him), she later admitted they had an idea. So its taken 20 plus years further on for me to feel comfortable enough to be able to talk about my life without feeling she might be embarrassed or worried, but to bring that special guy home is still a step too far... For her and me.

It was the year 2000; I was 51 and my youngest brother was 34, so it was a double whammy for mom. On the occasion of the birth of her only grandson (yes, there's a straight guy in the family.....lol) the family was gathered together from all parts of the country in celebration. We are an "old country" (Portugal) family and Catholic so I really expected lots of wailing and gnashing of teeth. It didn't happen. She suspected my brother but was disbelieving of me since I had spent 24 yrs in the military. Mom broke out the bottle of Port and we all toasted the "closeness" of the family. Pop had died many years before so he didn't get to participate....just as well as he never had a kind word about "queers." I honestly suspected he had played the game himself since he had lots of guy friends and, from what mom revealed, he had an eternal hardon....lol I guess that's where I get my great libido, even at 71.

My mother was taken by cancer when I was about 26 or 27, so I've spent more than half my life without her. A gay friend talked me out of coming out to my parents a year or so before she died. Few parents are perfect and I think mine did the best job of raising me they knew how. From a psychological standpoint, they could have done better, but once I was on my own, at 19 years of age, I began to find myself and was able to become my own person. I loved my mother & know that she loved me. She wasn't much of the chicken soup provider, didn't bake cookies for me, nor was she inclined to nurture free choice in my developing personality. But she definitely had her good side and losing her was very painful. We were on good terms well before she died, but I had to keep my personal life to myself. Times were different then, so I neither cast blame nor feel guilt for my part in having a secret life. I remember my mother with love, accept her shortcomings and remember that we loved each other. That's good enough for me. On Mother's Day, I usually dedicate a new plant or flower bed to her memory & have warm thoughts as I work with it thru the season.

Well written friend. I appreciate reading your words. We lost Mom when I was 9, cancer also. Dad (Bill) chose to be absent, long distant truck driver. Thank God for 50, 40 wasn't bad either. The years help to fit the pieces together after all, things that made little sense and were confusing early on.

My family was fundamentalist in nature and yet there was no extreme antics worthy of an "Oprah Winfrey" show but that may have been because Mom was going in and out of the hospital every couple years for diabetic related issues that I felt were partly because of the mistaken idea that prayer will fix all things. When someone beleives that strongly in something then you can't convince them to visit the doctor more often when they are the head of the household and Mom was the strength in the house while Dad was passive and not involved so there was no pressure to be a football fan and all that sort of jock silliness. I saw her pass away in 1996 adter decades of that back and forth health stuff due to relying on the idea of miracles. Moms influence was not aggressive at all and so the Momma's boy idea was suggersted at school where I got pinched in class because I would never report any of the jocks for pinching me because they saw me as the pansy of the school and the only cigarette I ever smoked was when the captain of the football team stopped me from heading home from school and made me smoke a ciggy. I simply gagged and they all laughed. I headed home and never smoked again. Am lucky to have best friends that are like parents who had very successful lives being respected boss's and mentoring people and so forth. I am glad Dad was passive because I would have not caught the football properly in the first place - hehe.

I am 51, the oldest son, one of 14 children. I was married to a woman at 20, had a bunch of kids. Knew I was gay but religious pressures...Bed was dead so on my 49th birthday I had sex with a man for the first time. A few months later divorced. I came out to Mom over the phone, she lives in NY I am in LA. She gave me an earful for 2 minutes, worried about diseases. Since then she NEVER asked me about my personal life until last month! I speak to her every other day about mundane things. Out of the blue in one of those conversations, she said..."Do you have a boyfriend?" A smile came to my face, a weight was lifted off of my shoulders. NOW I can chat with her about my friends freely. Thanks Mom!

Now at 44, I also came out late in life (2.5 yrs ago) I did what every good son would do, Not !! Being my father's only son, To me, It was a given of what I had to do, what was expected of me, to marry and have a family. I also got married, wife already had two kids, Love my life as a Father, not crazy about being a husband, althought she was a sweet person just not what I wanted.

I would still craved to be with a man. Finally, I separated and decided to keep it real with myself and came to terms that I am a Gay man, the best decision I ever made. It was liberating to me and it didn't matter and still does not as to who accepts me or not. I'm comfortable with myself. Coming out later in life I think prepared me for all that may come along with it.

That Spring I met an older Italian man, who I thought was amazingly handsome, 6'2, muscular, beautiful blue eyes, and just strikingly handsome. Later that summer, I had gotten sick and while in the hopsital he was at my bedside for all the time I was there. He did not miss a day. At that point my family started to put two and two together, they started to have an admiration for him for being there for me. I also gained admiration for him because it was obvious he really care for me. Unfortunately, we did not last long after that.

However, My Mother, who I find to be one of the smartest people I know, she knows but just won't ask me, There is this unspoken thing between us. If she would ever ask me I would be honest with her. I think I owe her that much. She has shown me that she loves me unconditionally thoughout my life but as my best friends states, why tell them what they already know. She just needs to see me, love me, until that special someone comes along, no need to go there yet. Gracias Mami, Te Quiero Mucho...

I have read,with interest, the above postings. I had a very loving, but head strong dutch woman for a mother. I was married for 18 years, then divorced with two kids. A few years later, I was in a relationship with a man 10 years older than me. After my mother got to know him, (my dad had already passed away), she loved him... I used to jokingly say, she loved him more than me! Anyway, he broke up with me suddenly on Thanksgiving weekend that year....just a few days after I had found out my daughter was pregnant (and not married)... My mother often stopped at my house when he was there and so I had to explain both things to her... She just hugged me and said, "What? Did he just get tired of you?" What a great MOTHER! Miss you!