When in Denial, Just Delete

March 13, 2011
Category: Dating

Whether it is hair dyes, skinny jeans, fancy cars, choices of dating and life partners, adding inches to our natural endowments or subtracting inches from our middles, we've all at some point manipulated something about ourselves that we think will make us more appealing. If not to others, then to ourselves. At least, that is our belief.

My mustache, like fingers in winter gloves, can turn pretty frosty. Depending on the day and my mood, a little white in my flavor-saver, isn’t such a big deal. Other days, I really want to look the age that many people guess me to be, which is usually about 10 years younger than I am. It’s a compliment to my genetic heritage and daily moisturizing.

When I peruse profiles on Daddyhunt I sometimes notice a huge distinction between a stated profile age and the actual age of the person. Specifically people I have known for years. Somehow over time these gentlemen have dropped 10-20 years and are miraculously 39 again! Mind you, when I notice this, I make sure to raise my chin so I am looking through the bi-focal portion of my no-line lenses.

Deleting 10 years off your age is like shaving your eye brows, and hoping that no one will notice what you've done.

Aside from it usually being obvious, the problem with deleting time is that the truth will eventually come out. You can’t lose 10 years without someone finding them for you. Whether it is a "curious" boyfriend who doesn’t mind riffling through your wallet or a relative who enjoys rubbing it in your face at a family function, the years will come back with the extra baggage of guilt and shame, making your true age that much more of a burden.

Is it really worth it?

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Post written by Mr. Ron (View Author Profile)
About this author: Mr. Ron is a member of Daddyhunt and the President of the LBGTQ Leather Club SCORPIUS of Cincinnati.
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Comments

I used to take a few years off my age as I approached 40. Have not done that in years, and am proud to be 63.

You earned those years. Wear them proudly.

I've never really felt the need to "lie" about my age. I'm a lucky man that who at the age of 37 doesn't look his age. I always get people saying I'm about 29 or 30. I love them for it & are friends for life!

But seriously why do men, not just gay men feel the need to add or subtract their age or other aspects of their body? Waistlines I can understand lol I've been battling the bulge for the past 10 yrs and I'm finally winning!

I've only ever changed hair colour once and I went platinum blonde was a great look for a red head. But the up keep of trying to stay blonde was more then it was worth, let me assure you now, blondes do not have more fun. But as a natural red head, I've never had more guys in my life asking me out and wanting a one night shag then after I hit 35.

Oh well can't please everyone!

to be honest, I did try the blonde look once..the spray on variety..I looked like an old hustler...LMAO. It was more out of curiosity than trying to hide my age. There was only one other person who saw it, the friend who sprayed it on.. and I killed him so no one knows but me..lol. and now you....lol

Really appreciate your post.

Call it "southern heritage" or just the way "my momma raised me" ... I've never miss-stated my age on any profile I've ever posted. I'm not even sure if I look my age, look younger than my age, or older than my age ... just am comfortable with the fact, that it is what it is.

I am often bit "taken back" when from time-to-time someone actually challenges me if my age is correct, seems like so many guys feel it's necessary to "subtract" a few years that it's assumed everyone does it, so I guess if I say I'm 53, then there's a large number of people in online gaydom who assume, I must be older.

I'm far from immune to the "pressure" that is placed on us all these days to be "beautiful" and "fit" and "young." It's a reality of the commercial marketing we all experience. And maybe I'm just lazy, but many years ago, I experimented with covering the gray, and just came to realize it wasn't something I had the time or the energy or the money to keep up with.

So I try to take care of myself. I keep myself well-groomed. I wear clothes that I like and have challenged my best of friends to spare no feelings should I ever succumb to try and be anything other than what I am (a mature man in his 50's) to set me straight.

I think I've even learned to not "wince" when I meet someone younger who tells me how much they like "older guys!" ... and instead take it for what it's meant to be ... a compliment!

Lol..it is a compliment. However, I joke with my friends in that even at my age, I am "chicken" to someone...lol. I have never lied about my age. I figured with all the events ( AIDS,etc ) that have come down the pike and I am still here and healthy and functioning, I earned bragging rights...lol

Whether its our age, race, biceps size,dick thickness your actual partnership status or "real" hair color, its all gonna get found out in time. So why not save everyone the hassle and bother and be straight up about yourself from the get go? Of course the answer is that most men, (quite sadly) are still insecure about themselves in some substantive way and feel the need to compensate. The real truth here is that we all want love and affection and you will never get the real thing from lying to the people you want to love you. How do I know this? I learned it myself, the hard way.

Put out the truth, the people you care for deserve nothing less, and a lie is a lousy way to start a relationship.

Some people make age an issue... no matter which way it goes! Each year, a couple of months before my birthday, I have the tendency to start saying my "future" age. This way after my birthday passes I've already trained myself to say the correct age!

I had a crush on a bartender who was a couple of years younger than me (not more than 3 yrs.), and he liked men of a certain age, which I did NOT know... So imagine my surprise when the young fellow caught an attitude because he found out my birthday was coming up in a couple of days. I was to turn the age he thought I already was... Dealing with his surprising little mood swing made me realize how unattractive he'd become. Apparently, you ONLY become a daddy on YOUR birthday, and not before, WHO KNEW?? LOL. It made it easier to sit at the opposite corner of the bar with the bartender who thought I was hot before my birthday. GRINS

It's only a number... I guess he got over it! But I still give the tip to the other bartender!

He got mad at you for not being old enough? That's a first...lol If he got upset about that, doesnt sound like he would be fun to be with anyway. Glad you and the other bartender clicked.

If you have to resort to lying or changing your looks in order to "fit in" or get with someone, they aren't worth it in the first place. And, if you don't have a problem with fibbing about/editing yourself, then you probably aren't worth it, either.

It is too much work to keep track of lies. Personally, I don't have that kind of time...lol
My motto is " What you see is what you get"

The years turn relentlessly. I'm 66 and still consistently mistaken for a decade younger and until 4 (or is it 5?!) years ago I colored my hair. It looked good for several years until I decided, like others who have commented here that eventually you can't keep up with it and the truth will out anyway, especially after my beard stopped taking the color!! I realized I didn't want to end up looking ridiculous like those sad old men with dark hair and gray fuzz at the neckline. My grandfather was white at 21 and died in his 70's with a full head of hair. I guess I inherited that cause when I quit coloring, I became an overnite "Silver Daddy"....not without some trepidation.
Then I discovered all those younger men on various daddy sites who think I'm cute or hot or sexy...a few have even said gorgeous. I know better, but I like it.
Now my problem is distance. One of the biggest frustrations of the internet is that it opens up a world of men I can't get at....or they at me and I'm not one to offer free travel (not rich enuf to do that anyway). Locally, there's a permanent epidemic of ageism so age has become a lonely place for me.
No matter what anyone says, the reality is that if an older man has not been materially successful with little to offer but love, he won't get that either. The biggest no no of gay life is getting old.

unfortunately, we all like to categorize people on what we think they should be based on their physical characteristics. if you are a certain age, then you SHOULD be.... if you have a certain income, then you SHOULD be.....
Aging is a part of life. As a culture, we like vintage wines, vintage cars, vintage wood, etc. Not sure why when men get to the point of vintage, attitudes change and all of a sudden, the older person has done something wrong by getting older.
I always remind the hunters that have an attitude about my age that they will be my age one day, if they are lucky and what goes around...comes around....lol

Men who think they look younger than their age are deluding themselves.

well...especially when they shave 10 plus years off of their age. I am still surprised when I am told I don't look 57. I'm not sure what 57 is supposed to look like. In my book, I just look like me..lol

What people are is on the inside underneath the skin where physycially everyone is the same skeleton as everyone else but the difference is in the spirit and soul of the person. I've been used to plenty of criticism where occasionally one person out of a million will encourage you to not change for anyone and thats where its better to be ganged up on for what you are rather than have mass appeal with help from a teleprompter and speech writers while talking totally differently when the camera is not watching.

I believe that being genuine is an important characteristic at any age. I'd rather be criticized for being myself than being judged on an act that I put on for the community. We all have those moments when we have to be "on" but at those times..I am myself plus. It's all I can be..anything less is too much work.

not only are men trying to look younger, but they are dating younger guys.
they dress in fashions meant for younger guys. i don't get it. really.
i like my 53 years, i am not perfect, but i am truthful in my exceptance. yes, in the past i did all the things to stay younger. but one day realized who am i really doing this for? no one.
i didn't impress anyone. so i decided, except your fate and grow old gracefully.
so what you see in the pics gallery, is truly me. i like the men who look mature, and still take care of themselves,physically and mentally. men who dress approperatly.( i think thats how its spelled?). thanks guys.

I always think of being older as getting to the point of being more comfortable in my own skin. I accepted a long time ago that I am not built for the fashions of the period so i developed my own style. I do shave my head but because I like the look rather than hiding something.
Age isn't the issue, it's the attitude about age that makes it an issue

I had a great compliment on a date a few weeks ago. The guy I was meeting looked at me and said "60? But you have the body of a fifty-year-old!" I couldn't stop laughing for the rest of the evening, which probably ruined my chances in that department.

Most of what people say when meeting for hookups is pretty much a sort of perpetual dress rehearsal mode thats about as realistic as a scene from "pleasantville." The most clever minds are either in leadership or locked up so don't forget to have a bit of fun for sure.

I find it strange that guys straight or gay even talk about or ask another man his age. The only time that should happen is when you're filling out an application of some sort...Age is relative, there are many men that are 40,50 or 60 but are psychologically still 15. There are a lot of boys out there trapped in the bodies of men. It seems even more so in these times.

It's beyond me why a man is not truthful about his real age or would want to color his hair or alter anything about themselves to look younger. I think 'Men' wear character and their metal with pride, and with nobility, which reflects itself in how others in the community treat them and how he in turn treats others.

Exaggeration and fudging on one's profile is bad enough, but what's kind of creepy are those active profiles where the photo has not changed, sometimes for over five years and neither has the profilers age, that's even stranger than headless profiles, profiles of a torso, or of a dick or butt, or a blank profile that wants to communicate but isn't man enough to post a current picture of themselves.

I've done "fidging" on how I look, meaning I've been coloring my hair (and moutsache) for almost 15 years now. I've become my own worse enemy. The reason why I do it? In the hopes that the ageist, lookist gay "community" will stop dissing me because I'm not some "young" (I'm now in my fifties), "hot" doll. It's not that I want everyone to want to have sex with me - sex if fine, if it's quality not quantity (which is one of the reasons why I haven't gotten any nooky now for just over a year) - it's because I got tired of being treated like a piece of garbage by those in the gay "community." For years, I worked out, lifted weights, sculpted myself and ate rabbit food (one of the reasons why, in my early 40's, my hair started to turn gray, because I was denying myself nutrition) in the vain hope that I would be treated "nicely." I found out it didn't work. I was, despite looking "good" back then if I do say so myself, still rejected by the gay "community." Again, I wasn't asking for sex - I was asking to be treated with dignity and respect, but I didn't get that because while I bodily looked "good," facially I'm a plain-jane. I had friends witness how I was always treated, when we travelled to NYC to a popular gay bar (its name starts with an s and ends with a plash). They wouldn't believe that an "inclusive gay" place would treat their own kind until they saw how they were allowed to enter with a cover-charge of five bucks, but when I approached, the tender-of-the-gates looked at me with derision and said "twenty dollars." (Another friend, just like me who was there, was treated the same way.) My other five-dollar friends were incensed and wanted to give that door-guarding queen a piece of their minds. I and the other friend said to just forget it as we walked away - that's how it is in the gay "community." I got sick and tired of getting up every morning at four a.m. to go to the gym to work out for two hours with nothing to show for it.

Let's face it - queers (and I do use that term derisevly) are, in general, ageist, lookist bigots. They demand "equal rights" for themselves as a whole, but treat each other with disdain because it's all about being "hot." If you don't cut the mustard, you're out. The last time I went on a gay-bar outing even in my backwoods area with a friend who didn't want to go alone (and he's considered hot), I tried to join in on conversations even in a bar that was having a meeting of "bears-and-daddies" (meaning, and I say this derisevly again, a bunch of fat, old coots), I ended up sitting on a bar stool holding our coats while my friend was getting phone numbers left and right.

Sorry for sounding so bitter. I'm a nice guy (and people who know me will attest to that), but I got tired of being judged automatically because I'm not some looker.

if guys would stop putting parameters on the kind of men they want to meet we would all be in a better place.........yes

'Stop Putting parameters'- maybe someday HOTGUY4GUY, however in the world of same sex desire that's going to be a tall order. Man sex is recreational and not based on any firm commitments connected to commarderie, friendship,love, or commitments involving taking the Nutuials. This is why when it comes to sexual gratification gay men are the most selctive group of people on Earth. It's about getting that orgasm with the type you find most desirable. Nothing wrong with that, but it is the reality of and the basic social psychology of same sex relationships.

Good healthy Relationships do exist, but at this stage in our social evolution they're more the exception than the rule. Until we get beyond looks and the superficials of same sex connections, and the props that go with the social-sexual dynamic, men are not going to open up and actually look at men they may often not give a second glance; Not knowing that this could be the man, though not the most attractive in the room, that may be the best sex they've ever had, the best companion, lover and significant partner they could ever travel life's road together with and build a happy life.

Perhaps when gay (and Bi) men get beyond the superficials we'll see more honesty in the profiles, less fudging on the stats and men that are looking to have a grown up relationships become emotionally available.

This is why the best approach is to lie UP in age. Add 20+ years to your real age, and you will always look phenomenal by comparison.

Yes, it is very worth it to lie about one's age.
Otherwise people wouldn't do it.

Different strokes for different folks. If there was one way of thinking for the masses of followers then there would need to be some change taking place to make the masses snap out of the mass hysteria and just live day by day without so many babbling news programs that do nothing to change the reality of hoe lif eis short so just do it already for sure.

I first of all wanted to say that this blog's title bust me up!!! Mr. Ron, please know that I may find myself using it in a variety of settings and situations (family relations, the bitchy co-worker, enen housework.) Both as a coy comment or as a coping style...even just in the short term, it works!
Ok, now having read the blog and all it's comments, I feel the need to say something. This is foreign for me. I've always tended to only READ blogs, and the ensuing comments written by others, on a variety of subjects and across many groups within society. This has tended to be my way of keeping my" finger on the pulse" of society and the world we live in. This in turn helps me in my own personal evolution because it causes me to think. It's one thing to read or see the media's take on a situation that may be unfolding within our midst. I mean aren't the trends in our society the direct result of how a news report summarized an event? To however, read the thoughts and lived experiences from a) the blog writer and then the ensuing thoughts and lived experiences as comments from readers is truly an education.
This site caters quite obviously to gay men across the life span - Thank You! Well Done! For my own personal grounding and thus evolution I need and want to hear what ALL of you think "Young and Old", "Hunter AND Daddy." You cause me to question my own belief systems, and how I would've reacted given a similar scenario. This is good!
2. At the aqe of 45, one tends "to take stock." One tends to reassess how one's life has been lived thus far. From life experiences to lessons learned, how do they contribute, or not, as to how one moves forward from them? I mean, really by age 45, should I just start getting used to referring to myself as a "Daddy" when a) am told that I don't look at and b) I guess I still aspire to the awesome Dad/Son relationship...this time with benefits.......oink..... that I never had. A commenter (YOU GO "kiltiebear!") eluded to the fact that when all is said and done, all we want is to be loved. It is is SO TRUE! That's probably one factor contributing to the multitude of groups and their tiers within gay culture....in order to be loved..well... one needs first "fit in." To fit in, perhaps it would help to take on the mind set of those that one wants to fit in with. This in turn leads to judgements and/or being judged by others. Haven't we been judged long enough? I know I have!
I learned recently that my own happiness AND what that looks like IS SO KEY AND VITAL to my evolution. First and foremost I need to "fit in" with me! Yup, It has taken me to age 45 to figure this out. EbonyLeaf, you commented on being genuine. This for me was also key! (YOU GO "EbonyLeaf!) A true and pure genuineness directed to oneself leads to acceptance. This perhaps will contribute to happiness...I hope! My own evolution continues. I know that I don't have all the answers...yet...but for some reason this dialogue on age has truly helped.