Act Your Age, Not Your Dick Size

March 23, 2011

As a member and contributor to this site, I guess it's no secret that I like older guys.

At 27, I would say the median age of the guys I’ve dated hovers somewhere around the late 30s/early 40s mark. It might even skew a little higher than that. And while I have no problem with someone not wanting to date me because ‘I’m not their type’, or because they ‘think I’m too goofy,’ or ‘don’t like the way I eat burritos’, I do take issue with someone not wanting to date me because of my age.

Yes, I may have been in pre-school when you lost your butt sex cherry to the Cure’s ‘Love Song’, but I have a working penis now, complete with a brain that can process a hell of lot more than we youngers are given credit for. Sure there are things you’ll have to school me on, but the great thing about youth is that we’re very open and susceptible to new ideas. Heck, we even welcome them.

Connections aren’t built on whether or not I saw Madonna’s first VMA appearance or whether you’ve watched every single episode of Saved by the Bell three times over. They go deeper than that. Like we've chatted about before on here, the gays have one giant shared experience between them: the joys and pains of coming out. Common ground is inherent in our community which is why a 10-20 year age gap is significantly lessened by our gay initiation.

Now here's the part that really gets me. More often than not I've come up against concern from guys I've dated about the age gap. This is a valid concern and something that definitely should be discussed openly and honestly. There are a few obstacles that can arise, but as long they're addressed early on, they can be easily remedied. It's not like we younger guys don't think about these things too. However, the use of the age card loses all validity when the maturity of the younger far surpasses the actions and treatment of the younger by older. I've met a lot of older guys who are incapable of honesty (with themselves and with those they date), who think that an unreturned phone call or text is an acceptable way to end a relationship, and more often than not, these "mature men" end up using dating tactics similar to that of a sixteen year old girl.

And each time they fail to see the irony in this situation.

It seems that there's a fear of what friends will think or what the future will bring, but I would argue that that is true of any relationship. What's more, these fears usually arise so early on that they oftentimes prevent the relationship from coming to a potentially beautiful and long lasting fruition.

Now lets start a lively debate. Hunters is this a common occurrence in your lives? Daddies have you ever let the fear stop you from developing something more meaningful with a younger man? Tell us your stories below.

Together we can make things right.

Tags: Older/younger, dating, Relationship Etiquette
Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Share this
Author
Post written by RobHeartsDH (View Author Profile)
About this author: Rob lives in Manhattan with his black pug Riley. When he’s not thinking about daddies, he enjoys writing, eating burritos, watching copious amounts of television, and thinking about his next meal.
View all posts by RobHeartsDH

Comments

At the ripe age of 55, I have enough life experience under my belt to realize that age is not the issue for me, but maturity is. I have dated many men my age or older that continue to think and act like they are in their 20's, and I have also dated over long times, men that are in their 20's and 30's that had more maturity than I !. Age is not the issue. I find that a lot of Gay men have been so consumed by trying to be something that is not them.. the labels they wear on their clothes, the clubs they dance, and the crowd they associate. Instead, the men that I find attractive inside and out are those that have taken some time to explore their own likes and dislikes, and are able to communicate that with me. That being said, there is only so much reflective time that a human can have if they have not been on the planet very long! It is in communicating those issues upfront and being honest about them, that true respect and passion can grow. I have found, if I want to kill a great relationship, no matter if it turns romantic or not, is to either cover up the truth or lie about it... sure fire way to kill Trust, and if you don't have trust, you are left with role, and that gets old and stale fast...

Maturity is never regretting the past nor fearing the future but rather FOCUSING on TODAY. Maturity is finding a person with no smile and giving them YOURS. Maturity is allowing other to live their lives the way THEY want to (that's tough with family but is necessary for our own sanity.)

@Seattlewolf ;) Thanks, you hit the Trust issue right on it's head.

Why don't we just leave the labels for the clothes designers?

Well, Rob,
I am one of those Daddy identified guys out there who has considered men both significantly younger than I and significantly older. What I have discovered is that the fears we carry with us have no age. The desire to be attractive and interesting to others, and found wanting in some indefinable way is a massive barrier to many, sometimes even myself. I have found just as many men who are much younger in years than I who are laden with these sorts of burdens as I have men older than me.

One of the biggest difficulties we face in this digital universe is the easy anonymity that it confers, which allows us to manifest both our best and worst behaviors. On the one hand we feel free to indulge our fantasies and wishes with regard to playmates and potential partners, but we are also free to be casually cruel and thoughtless.

Now to answer the question at the end of your post, I have more often than not been the brunt of being left standing by the younger Hunters out there. Perhaps its a function of the massive availability of men to chat with, perhaps something else, I really don't know the answer to that bit of it. I daresay you are probably a wonderful exception to that, since its clear you enjoy communicating and seek to increase that.

I will say that I have more often than not been disappointed to discover a lack of willingness to engage in a real conversation, by the younger men who message me. It seems to be all about the minimum wordage needed to get to the "point".

In any case, our committing to being clear, honest, and courteous to each other would make this all far easier on everyone.

This is a very interesting blog - thank you RobHearts for starting it. I may be 64 on the outside but inside I feel barely in my 20s, not feeling that I know it all but that there is still so much more to learn. And ultimately age does not really define anything. I came out in my teens (best decision I will ever make!) but many of my contemporaries have come out much later after straight marriage etc. As one guy in his 60s recently said to me. it's like being let loose in a sweet or candy shop. Having gone a bit wild in my 20s I was over it long time ago and am looking for something stable. My problem is my fear of gettting involved with younger guys which is based purely on my own experiences when younger. And of course I have since learned that there are many younger guys of quite astounding maturity who simply want to settle down with a stable older guy
I am working hard on this one and now I'm open to the possibility of relating to anyone, younger or older.
I find the most ageist guys tend to be those over 40 - you often read on profiles about guys "apologising" for being 50 "but I do look younger"! It seems to be an absolute cardinal sin to get older within the gay community so thank God for sites like this. I'd like to see older guys give themselves more respect for being simply older and by valuing themselves will automatically gain greater esteem from our younger friends.

I see what you are saying to a point, but at 47 years old, I would not date an 18 year old. I will not “hang-out” with 16 and 17 year olds because they decide to chat with me online. I’m sorry if that is upsetting for you and your readers but I believe we do still have the right to have preferences in who we wish to date or not date. I’ve enjoyed reading your posts and as other comments have said—you have a lot to offer in a relationship including your ability to communicate so fluently. I’m guessing that I wouldn’t be in your preference pool because I don’t have the typical gay body type which guys can’t get past. (No, I’m not so large that you can’t walk past.) What amazes me is, I can and have changed my weight… but you can’t willingly change your age.
Let’s meet for a cup of coffee and see what happens. HA HA

I agree with the author, just because a man may have been in his first job while you were still in your cot doesn't mean he's above schoolboy games. In fact it seems to be that todays youth is just as mature as their older counterparts.
The only difference is that one set is just starting to form life-typical habits while the other set are very much set in their ways. Which raises the question, is it less about maturity and more about adaptability??

There's a danger in using "Maturity" as a general catch-all for "good qualities" or "things I like." The personality traits I look for in dating someone-kindness, alertness, generosity - don't usually correlate with life experience. Other qualities which usually do show "maturity"- having found a career path, having a more predictable schedule or finances, having a deeper understanding of people - don't matter all that much. A lot of the fun of having a younger companion is to be around as they grow, and occasionally being helpful in that process.

More important, I need to keep changing if I don't want to start growing moss, and "immature" challenges to my endless, finely aged wisdom are extremely useful for that.

It's practical concerns that worry me. If I start dating a 20-year-old, then when he's approaching 50 I'll be approaching 90, and I don't really see how that's gonna work.

This post brings up multiple points for me.

As a lad in high school, it quickly became clear that older men had no interest in anything other than my body. Then from age 18-22, things only got worse. It says more about the maturity of a man over 30 who actively pursues anyone under 23 than it does about the younger man's. I always felt like I was babysitting the men in my life who were in their 30s, 40s, or 50s. And the real MEN in those age ranges wanted nothing to do with me, for good reason. For all my hard-earned maturity, I was still just a kid who needed to figure things out before I could really connect with someone.

I must raise the issue of any sense of community among gays. We have our subsets with their rules and dress codes that exclude the others and fight amongst themselves. We have the newbies who are lost and clueless as to how the world works, but not so much as even in 'my day' of the late 90s. (Damn kids and their internet!) But where are the older men who guide and aid the newbies? I've never seen that support that I naively expected when I came out 17 years ago. And the younger guys I talk with are usually highly suspicious of any man who isn't trying to bed them immediately, or completely oblivious because they're horny. That's not a judgment because I was there too! So where is the community of gays that support each other instead of tearing each other down or playing sling roulette?

The only issue with age for me regarding older men is aging. I appreciate and value the thousands of years of tradition of older men teaching younger men the ways of the world and thinking and sexuality. But after I see a man with an age close to that of my parents, I can't help but wonder if I'll need a group discount at the assisted living center for my possible hubby and my parents.

My points are this: gay men need to man up; the gay community need to act as a 'community'; maturity is ageless; life experience and stage in life is more important than age; and I'm not bitter, just looking for the grown ups!

At age 20, 30, 40, and 50 I can say the game has not changed much, men that are sexually interested are after sex and little else. The only thing that is different now, is how I percieve that interest; as a young man I took it as negation of my value as a person, and felt vicitimized. As a 'mature' man, I accept that the majority are uninterested in anything beyond getting-off. Instead of being the vicitm, now I am judgemental :(
This kind of behavior is not a GAY thing it is a GUY thing, at least in western culture. The very vocal minority of us that want something more than a 'hot new buddy' every night, are looking for something that never occurs to the silent majority. the difference between gay, and straight men is we do not have to negotiate with women to get laid.
While I do not have much faith in the idea of long term monogamy, I do think that those of us that look for more in our beds than an endlessly changing chorus line could stop thinking the gay community is a place to look for that. The community exist primarily to give us a collective voice and mitigate the kinds of physical and social violence that used to be practiced with impunity. The world of gay bars, discos and gyms are not the Gay Community, they are their own tiny little worlds. There are all kinds of communities out there to participate in, but if it's gay community you want, then get involved in the politics because that is all there really is.

The age thing is a very big part of many typical gay men looking for that perfect man. Also a big part for the typical gay man is that their perfect man have a condo on the beach, a billion dollar trust fund, a minimum of twelve soft inches in their shorts and at least two jags in the driveway. That of course is an exaggeration, but not by far. I have witnessed first hand many men with some wicked expectations. Once I was asked to dinner. I counter offered to meet for coffee. I was told that was not an option, he wanted to see if I knew which fork to use. Needless to say, I dumped that dude. Then to the other extreme, a very good friend of mine was asked to dinner. They met at a nice eatery and had a nice dinner. When it was time to leave, my friend thanked his date for the wonderful meal and hoped they could see each other again. The date said you will be spending the night with me. That was a statement not a question. My friend said that he didn't think that was going to happen. The date directed my friend's attention under the table where the date had a gun. My friend is seen as drop dead gorgeous, and look at the problems he has because of it. It makes most of our problems with being judged by appearance rather than taking the time to get to know each other, rather minor. These expectations may include age and may become an exception when another of their expectations is met and exceeded in quality. Example: Man 1 age 55, only wants age 20-27, slim, white, blond, blue eyes. Man 1 now encounters Man 2, age 51, light brown hair, green eyes, slim slightly muscular and has 13.5 inches in the shorts. All of a sudden, those inches exceeded the expectation and Man 2 becomes an object of desire. It seems to be a focus for the typical gay man to feel that he is entitled to the best of the best and everything he wants, which is mostly superficial. Did the typical gay man's mother give him everything he ever wanted and now feels that entitlement in his personal life? A real man would like all the superficial things, but would also appreciate the brain, heart and love of another real man. This shows that the exceedingly desirable men have a lots of problems, but just the opposite of man who are not popular due to superficial issues. Different issues, both cause problems.

my thing is not about the age range really. mine is are you mature enough to handle a relationship? common courtesy goes a long way. do you take care of yourself physically and mentally. can you handle a relationship with an age difference? whats age got to do with it?

Age discrimination flows strongly in both directions. I am 65, love men of all ages and colors, and for much of my adult life, I been excluded due to some type of intolerance-homophobia among the ranks of the gay world! . I am very hairy, short, and now much too old for most. I am still very handsome I am told, intelligent, world traveled, well-educated independent, wonderfully passionate, financially stable, and thankfully, quite able to keep up sexually with most men of any age. I came out of the closet at 42 because of so many reasons--equally justified and stupid, and since then, have dealt with the varying forms of discrimination in the gay world--which actually is no different than the straight. You contact someone and among the very first questions are, " Picture please and your age!" Somewhat understandable, as we all have likes/dislikes, and differing ideas of beauty--but my age is most often the primary reason for an end to contact. Thankfully, in Asia my age is an asset, but it would be nice if it were also true at home. BTW, I have no desire to be someone's Daddy, but just a friend, and equal as best can be created, companion, and or lover. Once in a while I do meet guys who can bypass all the ageism bullshit and accept me for who and what I am, as I try and practice day to day with any man I can legally connect with. Relishing age difference, balancing those differences, and appreciating mutual worth is what a good relationship is about. Gotto get the door open, not slammed in your face, in order to meet and successfully connect with people--it goes all ways...

Wow...quite a response thread. By and large, I'd have to agree that to the extent "ageism" is applied, it's invariably against older...this is after all a "youth obsessed" culture. I completely agree that there's benefits brought by both older and younger to a relationship, if they're open to it. But that doesn't override other preferences ---both physical and emotional--one has. The biggest problem, I believe, is not that "age" is a good or bad criterion, but there is so little in the gay world for casual, comfortable meeting and communicating among all gays of all ages. It's either about the sex (which is fine on a level) which has much more limited aspects for a lot of people; or, it's not at all. How often have you been at a bar and saw someone you'd like to talk with but they never moved; or you didn't. And that's in an already pre-defined environment! There almost should be two "sets": anything (usually meaning sex) goes; or "no sex under any circumstances for at least 3 encounters" just to talk.

It really shouldn't be this difficult.

I've been in LTR 's with big age gaps and also dated a lot of younger men .
The bottom line it takes maturity on both men's behalf to understand each other and there age gap . Though also respect the difference because of the age gap .
Simply example would be a younger guy often needs company of his own age peer group and to hang with them,maybe go out to bars etc and dance once in awhile.
You must stand back and remember what you were like at his age ,let him live those same experinces .
I've learned you can be there as a loving partner for a younger guy but there are somethings
in life every man needs to learn and experince on his own ,you can't tell them your making a mistake by taking this path or making a discision you disagree with from your own past experince.
This can be very hard as a older partner to step back and do nothing and watch .
All you can do is unconditionally love and support him ,be there and support his own growth .
You needs to often think like a ''Dad'' though in a mutual realtionship.
Don't try to mold a 30 yr into the mind of a 50 year old ,it disaster bound to distroy a realtionship .
You can have a wonderful realtionship together and at the same time enjoy your own times a
part doing the things you enjoy doing with your peer group ,you just need total tranparency and honesty at all times .

Lots of good, common sense in this discussion!

I have always, as a matter of preference, enjoyed the company of men around about my own age, whatever age that is at the time. (Currently 69.)

I have admired, but never been sexually attracted to, men outside my own age group. Until......

Ten years ago, a man very much my junior (25 yrs) made an approach. He was not only a m2m virgin, but very insistent on pursuing the contact with me. I found it difficult to accept that he might be interested in me and fearful that, after some time, I might be hurt by being discarded. It took a lot of time, honest talk, and heart searching on my part to believe what he was saying. That was ten years ago and we are still lovers!

My point is, a lot of us oldies need a little understanding. We have been so used to the youth culture which worships the young body and rejects the older that it is unsurprising that we are, at least, very cautious when approached by a young man for a sexual encounter/relationship. I, for one, never make the first move to a man under 35.

There is also another matter for young men to consider: I have been approached too often by young men who show keen interest. After some time it becomes clear that one of the reasons that they are interested in me, and sometimes the main one, is for "financial support". That amounts to prostitution in my book and I immediately terminate the contact for the lack of respect it shows to me as a person. It is probably the worst form of age discrimination that I have encountered - Old Man = Money. Sorry, but I am actually not desperate!

I often think age is just a number. As a young guy who has mostly dated older guys, it is often hard to find someone who is mature, responsible, and has thier life together. I often end up babysitting older guys who should have it together in thier 50's and 60's. And also, a lot of the magic seems to be gone in dating older men. I often find that older guys tend to treat the younger guy like they're in the way, or feel like the younger guy needs to support the older guy financially and emotionaly. It is hard to find a secure guy at any age, but I am still looking.

Jaded!!!!

Wow! Were you there for my last breakup? Seems he, the younger at 21 wanted to break up because of the age difference for most if not all of the reasons you and others gave earlier. I could understand that but being together almost 2 years and apparently missing some other things I went on a 3 month binge of trying to 'fix' something that was ultimately not meant to be. As it turns out he likely was already involved with a guy ONLY 3 years younger than me. I am now 57, was 54 at the time and once I figured out he'd lied to me about why he wanted to break up made it so much easier to forget whats his name. I would mention it but like Paul Harvey with the stupid burglar stories he told I won't give it just so he won't get any benefit of the press, good or bad. No matter the age, race, even type differences people will talk, they always do (don't they?) about gay relationships. Read my profile and maybe you'll figure out what I mean. Have a great life ya'll. We do definitely deserve them!

"...more often than not, these 'mature men' end up using dating tactics similar to that of a sixteen year old girl." Tell me about it. I've lost count of the times a daddy has struck up a conversation by commenting favorably on my profile, leading to messaging back and forth. Next thing I know, he's giving me the cold shoulder when my face picture doesn't meet whatever fantasy was setting his pants ablaze. All of a sudden I'm not good enough to chat with anymore? I've since set my face picture to public, just to weed out the ones who can't get Brad Pitt off the brain.

My mama raised me to be courteous and say, "I'm sorry, I'm flattered by your interest, but it's not going to work." Quick and direct, but polite.

I'm sorry that you have been treated this way but I don't think it is an age thing. Older men are chosen and/or rejected on the basis of face pics too.

I have sat with some younger folk as they cruise sites with pics and they can be quite cruel about some older men whose face pics don't take their fancy.

It works both ways...suggest you keep in trying. You will find someone who doesn't do this sort of thing!

Odd, it has been my experience as an older man that younger men are the problem. So many have no desire to talk to me or date because of my age
The ones I have been with turn out to way to immature for their age. Usually, I get they want me to be young when not in bed or they pull silly crap with me.

Maybe I have just dated the wrong ones.

What a lot of thought-provoking, sincere comments on a relevant issue! Great post, too!

Speaking of age differences and behavior, Rob seems to be the only contributor writing anything at all for quite a while- what's happened to all the older guys who are listed as blog authors?

In the end it's all a matter of being honest. I agree that age is just a number. Maturity is what counts.

We all have preferences when it comes to body type and age range but what ultimately determines if it is going to be meaningful relationship are much deeper aspects: being on the same page mentally, spiritually and sexually. Age difference has nothing to do with that.

:-)

I also like men about 10 years older than me. But what I'm finding out just in this chat group the "Daddies" seem to be looking for 1 night stands with perfect "hunters" and that is just so crappy. Honestly if your only goin to sleep with some one 1 time what does it matter their body or personality. Heck from this group all I expect is maybe possibly a chat friend or a social friend after hitting up all the "Daddies" at least 4 times each with either a grope or an actual Hello message.

Age should never be an issue. My first real boyfriend was forty-eight when I started dating him at age twenty, and we had a blast. I'm the first to say that I've never really been into people my own age, only because I was running my own business in my early twenties and was into "older" culture in terms of things like music and theatre, so I wasn't really afforded a lot of opportunity to meet people my own age or younger to whom I could truly relate. I mean, yes, it's very easy for people to simply brush it off as, "You're just looking for a daddy because your own father wasn't present in your life when you were growing up," but that's not it. My father was very present; I just didn't get along with him. Also, I'm not gonna drop names, but I had an affair for three years with a certain celebrity who is known for liking younger guys (I was twenty-seven and he was sixty-five at the time), and it's not because he was a celebrity; it's because we were completely on the same page in a sexual sense and really dug each other. The problem was that eventually I got too old for him and when I turned thirty he gave me the old heave-ho. What amuses me is when people say to me, "It doesn't bother you that these guys are robbing the cradle?" because I always reply, "They're not robbing the cradle. I'm robbing the rocking chair."

Love the banter-------an old one here

Im literally a Daddy..of six...and I often let my concern for their reaction hinder my getting too involved with someone close to their ages...but then it dawned on me..that they all chose partners that maybe I wouldn't have chosen for them (any other dad on here knows this dilemma)..and I totally support and encourage and love them....my other hindrance is I don't know if I usually trust the motives of the hunter...if they are after a sugar dad I ain't gonna be it...but I'm starting to learn that (thankfully) some young cuties really prefer an older man...including the writer who started this train of thought.....so I proceed..with caution...lol

one thing that I look for in a younger man -- is he available/willing for me to take pride in him? not as in , "gee, I have a trophy fuck!" but more along the lines of taking pride in his accomplishments: finishing school, starting a career, making a team or reaching a goal. THIS is something an older man can offer a younger guy. And it works both ways. Nothing makes me happier than seeing a young man achieve a seemingly impossible goal for himself, especially knowing I may have helped/inspired/encouraged him along. No, I''m not talking about the rockin' bod he has, or the dick on him, or even his ability to turn heads when we're out. This is real daddy-pride in the accomplishments of a younger man whom I love, care for, nurture and encourage.

any boys ready to step up?

I'm a 50 year old guy. I'm always attracted to younger guys but there is a concern on my part that a 25 year old who contacts me won't be mature enough or committed enough to make a relationship with me work. I am very youthful looking and most people guess my age to be ten years younger...even though I'm balding. I welcome a younger guy's energy and youthfulness. Maybe I don't get more younger guys approaching me because I look younger than my 50 years? In any case, I'm always open to seeing where things can go. I would agree that a 25 year old can be as mature as some of the men I've met in their 40's and 50's. Good question to post!

In my experience when I get brushed off early on in communication, it has little or nothing to do with me and everything to do with what the other guy thinks about himself. It took a number of years and some follow up before the pattern was revealed. But we all have an unpleasant idea or two about ourselves; some of us know its crap, and others fear it will be discovered.

A problem with 'net dating' is we bring the same lousy social skills from Bar-cruising with us. We are suspicious that this guy is wasting our time at best. As if the five minutes or five years we spend with a guy counts for nothing if he is not holding our hand at the last breath.

At 51 alot of the men in my age bracket still act like 12 year olds that just discovered what a penis is for; and that is the model of social values that we are living with and passing on to the next generation. Fortunatly the times are changing, many of the younger guys I meet have better sense and better manners than my contemporaries.
Like all of us I have my 'preferences' about body type and perceived social identity, and plenty of reservations about guys right out of high school too. But I will try to give anybody a chance to prove my expectations false. And that is not a waste of my time, it is good use of it.

This is very well put.

Great piece!

I really enjoyed reading all the posts here. Makes me feel happy to be loved by the same man for 10 years yesterday. And for those who are not loved at this point hope when on 4th of April Neptune moves into Piscis for the next decade love will knock on your door.

I never felt that I was a " Daddy" and inside myself don't feel like one until I met him and he knows it. But he loves to play that game putting me in the Daddy spot and I do it with pleasure to complement him (eight years younger than me) but looking at least 20 less ..Asian men have that luck.. but we get the "hairy belly" they love aren't we lucky.

What turns me on in a man who looks somewhat younger naturally (not with Botox :-) but has lived and has joined the mental ranks of his real age and all that brings with it.

Question: Why so many bears do only want play with another bear. Am I the only one who's attracted by the opposite? When and (if) we play with another couple, it's so rare to find a bear who has a partner who is not another bear:-). I think I should create a mixed race couple site :-)

Last but not least for the owner/webmasters of this site I't like to say:

Not all Daddies have a 20/20 clear vision even with glasses why make the primary photos of people SOOOOO small really? What is it? Visual greed to force us to join or what?
It makes me unhappy and even less likely to become a paying member.
One can not be a paying member to all most relevant sites but still I would not love not to need a magnifying glass to see who profile I am visiting.
Thank's for your consideration.
Love health and peace to all here.

congrats on your ten years together.....lucky you!!

>"Common ground is inherent in our community."

LOL

I'm sorry but that's the biggest load of bull I've read in a long time.

I for one have always tended to be more attracted to older men my whole life, but now that I'm about to turn 40, I have been finding older men more and more immature like they are regressing mentally. I have dated men much older than myself, usually at least by 10 years, and only once long term (14 years). In the last few years I have tried to carry conversations with men in their 50s who approached me first, but who can only seem to write single word responses and then gets angry at me when I stop trying. Usually I hear the complaints that I'm age prejudice or that I'm rude or whatever. When I hear that, it floors me every time. Who stood who up? But in the same tone, I have experienced the same thing with some younger men as well, but they usually do say they aren't really interested. Rob, just think what its like to be trapped in between where the youth and older man are both usually immature. I will say that while immaturity may be trending into the wrong direction overall, there are exceptions to every rule. It's those that are the exception who have to be cherished and held onto.

it's called PREFERENCE.

When i was in my 20s i was always interested in someone who was not interested in me and thought it just gross to be with anyone over 30. As I got closer to 30, I had more experiences that gave things more leeway and I realized what I really don't like is gray hair.

Now I am well over 35 and have had profiles from guys I am attracted to saying NO ONE OVER 35. The exception of course is if the guy has a tight toned muscular body usually fairly hairless.

It is what it is. I used to think that younger guys wanted older men because many fathers are absent from sons lives while I grew up with the white picket fence and my parents are still alive. I now believe it's just preference.

Still I am inclined to believe I will be single for the rest of my life.

I fell in love with an older man, and still am. Just remember, if you're 20 you'll likely become 30, if you're 40 you'll likely become 50, if you're 60, you MAY become 70... and so will the older guy you fell in love with! Life has enough circumstances, than to fiddle faddle over age.

Age is not just a number and it does matter, but as many others have pointed out, it doesn't have a lot to do with maturity--if by "maturity" we mean the stuff that we should have learned from our parents and kindergarten teachers. Stuff like honesty, decency, kindness, politeness.

We all know assholes of all ages.

Although I think Rob is right when he says that it is possible to overcome the obstacles if they're addressed openly and directly, there are big differences that matter.

For example: If you're in your 20's, you're probably starting your career. You are realizing what it means to work for the next 40 years...all the while hoping you won't actually have to. If you're my age, you're at the peak of your career and, for good or for ill, work consumes a lot of time and lot of mental energy. The difference is not insurmountable, but we can't pretend it doesn't exist.

Another example, this one more practical: When I was 25, I went to bed at sunrise often and was happy to sleep most of the rest of the next day. Now, I rarely see midnight and can't sleep much beyond dawn. If you want to dance 'til dawn, you might be dancing with someone else. Our circadian rhythms change as we age...and really, is there anything more heartbreaking than to see an older man partying on long after he should have been asleep? Again, this is not something that can't be dealt with by two men who love each other, but it's real. And it matters.

One more, and then I'll shut up: My parents are healthy and active, in their early 70's. It's very likely that they will live for another 20 or more years. That means that an old person (me) will be responsible--emotionally, financially, practically-- for two very old people. While I wouldn't expect my partner to be either emotionally or financially involved in the care of my parents, he should expect that my attentions will necessarily be diverted, at least for a while. How many times do you want to go through that experience?

Gaga was right: Baby, we were born this way. We can't choose with whom we fall in love. But as we're falling we should keep our hearts and our eyes open.

Well this is an interesting subject. It'll be more interesting if I can type right. sorry am older ha 63 this year . please eccuse my typing teacher said years ago take another subject!
Well when i was younger I thought it would be great if guys of the same age would be atracted to each other. but usually was hit on by some older and them of same age seem to advoided me. of course I wasn't the good lookin stud I am now(LOL). now and then a young guy has hit on me but (I mean under 20) It sorta is off puttin with all the online stings by the police. One wonders how much they entice first! I try to back away gracefully puttin blame on self but realize they could be wrong. and plenty of times have i shied away from guys if vibes weren't right. also made some mistakes not heeding vibes. Now I am hopeing to attone for some of my sins so to say. I met a man 24 yrs younger than my self and after second encounter am trying to become more than just sexual interests tho that willl be included. smile. But I have never been monogamous(?) and don't really expect same of him . Matter of fact if I could introduce him to some one closer to his age and they would hit it off that would be great.
I have had so many real guys in my life over the years i stll can have fun with me myself and I. peace hugs Uncle

oh i remember now what i wanted to ask where are these guys with 12" soft or 13.5 members. about the only 12" or more that i have known was two guys with 6 and seven together!

In some ways the very basis for this web site is also its liability as it sits on the edge of fantasy. For some, that maybe the goal. For those that want more, it's possible to be side-tracked by the fantasy. Those of us who are looking for long term relationships must set aside the age attraction and seriously consider other aspects of compatibility. Age is definitely not the same as wisdom, empathy, intuition or thoughtfulness.

The profiles here are non-descriptive when compared to dating sites. I've assumed (perhaps incorrectly) that means a higher percentage of members are here for fantasy sex, one night hookups, or just exploring identities. But those looking for more than fantasy would increase their odds of success by capturing more of their personality in their profile.

I agree with Bruxelles that age differences are real and do present challenges, but it is possible to have a wonderful monogamous relationship across at least 11 years; I had such a relationship for 13 years. Since then I've dated a few men. One was 9 years older, attractive and more energetic than I, but regrettably lacked basic life management skills. The last fellow I dated was 22 and I was surprised how well we connected. I truly enjoyed getting to know him, and would have looked forward to knowing him more. Ultimately, the age and experience related differences were too great for him, and he ended it. With a 30 year difference, I can't say I blame him.

Overall, I find it's difficult to find friends, must less partners, regardless of age. It's easy to be "chummy", engage in "man-talk" or have a "roll in the hay". But finding real compatibility is a challenge. I have three close friends, ages 56, 52 and 25. I hope some day to find a partner that is compatible and who has the empathy, intuition and desire to work through the inevitable differences, age or otherwise.

Peace
M

I usually have dated guys younger than me (I am 59) but not more than 15 years, but for the last year I have been dating one of the nicest guys I have ever been with. He is 32 years younger than I am. At the beginning I couldn't imagine it turning into anything serious, but I enjoyed his company so much that I tried to just enjoy it without thinking about it very much. Our relationship is so smooth and conflict free that I guess that was part of why I didn't take it seriously and I thought he was too young for me. Then in July of 2010 I became seriously ill from food poisoning and I spent 2 months in the hospital. I had 2 surgeries and lost 60 lbs - I almost died and was in very bad shape. When I came home from the hospital, I really thought that I would not see much of him - that the whole situation would be too difficult. He surprised me by insisting on spending a lot of time just helping me, giving me massages and helping me bathe and walk. He has been by my side insisting on being there for me ever since. I am pretty well recovered now and the relationship has continued and I have a tremendous new respect and deep feelings for him. Recently we were talking about this past year and I told him that I never expected to have anything lasting with him because there was so much difference in our ages. He told me that it was something that he just never had really thought much about and it just didn't matter and he was surprised that I had thought he was too young for me.

Although considered an old man at the age of 59, my mental outlook more closely compares to that of a much younger man. My very active career and lifestyle has always put me in a place where I associated with much younger men, thus creating my attraction and connection with them. Not to say that men in my age range aren't worth the same consideration.......it's just a personal preference. Like they say, "Age is just a number". It has to do with the maturity and the interpersonal development of each individual that determines their effective interaction with others.

When the connection and chemistry is there......who cares about the age? Give it the dedication and commitment it deserves and let the connection and chemistry drive the interaction. Every interpersonal relationship we have in our lives fills our treasure chest full of memories and experiences that make us the person we are......good or bad. The size of your dick becomes just a little more frosting on the cake when you let your brain drive your life.

Older doesn't necessarily means wiser.

Its more about attitude and character than an age number as everyone is here for just a brief moment no matter what the age. No one gets that old at all where millions of years passing by eventually makes a planet revert back to itself no matter how we try to maintain things to keep the earth from growing over the noisy sedated city populations. A society of compliance and conformity serves only the ones in power while stripping people of individuality leading to complacency and submission while feeling the inner beastie at the same time. The church failed to change me so why would a system of correctness succeed - hehe.

I was involved for 4 years with someone my own age and then 15 years with another person my own age. I didn't think I wanted to be with someone younger. But there I was, at the age of 50, "nel mezzo del camin", and someone 25 asked for my number. He told me I was exactly what he was looking for; I said, he wasn't. But then I thought, I haven't done well recently with what I was looking for, so maybe I've been looking for the wrong thing? Now, we've been together 11 years, so he was right, and I was wrong. Things change; life changes you. Donald Winnicott said that we have a true self and a false self, but when you get through a few decades, you realize that what you once thought was your true self might have been false, or at least might have become false.

I don't understand any of it.

I believe some of the problems that younger/older relationships face can be traced to something I have noticed a lot in the last five or ten years: young men want to remain "kids". As a friend pointed out recently ( he is now in his 50's), he was 22, married with a baby with another on the way AND running a business - and that was relatively common. How often do you see that these days?
I have a 28 year old friend who recently said, in a conversation about his life, "Well, I am still just a kid..."

Huh? Being a "kid" ends at 18, for lack of a better definition point. At 18, you are a young man, an adult. It's time to get out in the world.

Another challenge is that we have, as a recent major study pointed out, created several generations of narcissists, with a whole lotta entitlement issues. It's rare that I meet a young man under 30 who doesn't think everything should just naturally fall into their lap without a lot of hard work. And that includes a successful relationships. So, it's not so much about a generation gap - the natural differences that occur between generations because of shifts in culture, language and life experience - it's become about something much deeper, profound, and scary. We have, as a family member commented, created "a generation of kids that were raised by helicopter parents that believe the universe revolves around them, that played little league games where no one lost, and where somehow, having a cell phone and a video game is a necessity."

Now, the flip side of this is, with the endless emphasis on YOUTH in the gay culture, is the over 40 crowd that doesn't want to grow up either. They think its "young" to float through relationships. Rather than setting examples and behaving like MEN, they resort to the stuff you mentioned - ending relationships over text etc.
I am certainly not a hard ass, don't get me wrong! In my relationships with younger men, I am certainly patient with the confusion around career, finding one's place in the world etc. As long as someone is actively trying to ANSWER those challenges, and, in short, challenging themselves to grow and become a fully realized man - I am good to go. But more often than not, they seem to want it handed to them. They way they were handed a trophy in little league when they were a kid, because no one won or lost and you were praised just for showing up.

I am not a social anthropologist...and these are kind of simplistic examples, but I think you know what I am getting at. ;-)