Gray For Pay

January 13, 2011
Category: Wellness

I don't know if this is surprising or not, but more men folk are dying their hair than ever. Specifically to hide or fade away the gray. The NYT article seems to suggest that, like everything else these days, the economy is to blame. With so many men out of work, the older boys find themselves competing with much younger, darker haired fellas and because of this, feel the need to look a little more youthful. The good news is most guys are choosing to keep the gray with demi-permanent products that moderately cover the gray and gradually fade away as hair grows in. Salons have seen a noticeable spike in older men coming in and looking to get their hair colored and/or gray faded to away, much more than in the past.

I can understand the need to give yourself a vanity confidence boost, especially when a job is on the line, but I thought we'd all come to terms with gray being a particularly hot look. Does this mean that Silver Foxes are on the endangered species list? I doubt it. Seems like just a year ago that look, and shortly before that the salt and pepper look, we're both in fashion. Personally, I welcome the day I start to gray. Just as long as it means getting to hold onto my hair a little longer than my grandfather - bald at 26.

I feel like I won't get many arguments from this crowd, but let's break it down. How many of you love a good head of gray? Moreover, how many daddies out there dye, have dyed, or plan to? And be sure to explain yourself so we get all the deets.

Tags: Aging, hair, gray
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Post written by RobHeartsDH (View Author Profile)
About this author: Rob lives in Manhattan with his black pug Riley. When he’s not thinking about daddies, he enjoys writing, eating burritos, watching copious amounts of television, and thinking about his next meal.
View all posts by RobHeartsDH


Cover the gray? It took me 50 years and a lot of good and bad along the way to get where I am today, and no amount of hair coloring is gonna cover that up! :-)

I've dyed my hair for work - theatre performance.
I've dyed my hair to compete for retail work - whatever will pay the bills.
At least the theatre is play hair colour if it is needed.

But would I dye for other reasons then stage work?
Well - the agism that exists in metropolian areas is such that a few times flirting ...
at some point the quality or intensity of the flirting embarrasses the younger man
and I've had comments ...


OUCH! I feel the fear pass right through me, and then I'm free.
It's their fear of aging. Not mine. A couple times it went thru me and I panicked and dyed.

Least we forget - WALL STREET went after raising the bar endlessly for makeup and image for women in society. When they found out some straight man and more gay men had disposible income and were ripe for victimizing their shaky self-esteem - they went after us and created a billion dollar business in world wide men's cosmetics. Encouraging the fear of aging. I have lost my self-esteem a few times and dyed my hair for confidence. I prefer my salt/pepper look.

Travel to S E ASIA or Central America/Caribbean. There gay mind believe grey is sexy, less likely to be drunks and abusers, and they think older men in good shape are also kinder and wiser and therefore sexier because of the virtues involved. Never had that happen at home!

Western trips to different countries - I've found the younger gay men sometimes very cruel and fearful. Not always, but sometimes is more then I want to invest my travel dollars towards.

In south east asia and Cuba - I have found a respect (*and not for my wallet believe it or not!). I didn't date hustlers. I had meetings with a guy at a spa or table next to mine, or online as I was travelling. I felt genuinely appreciated. I've have a few really nice friends I will return to see overseas. Great and developing friendships.

So when you are in Phuket, making love in the water under a pink, purple, orange sunset - far enough out from shore, or simply no one is there - it is one of the best erotic pleasures of male bonding I've ever enjoyed. Kissing sucking and fucking in paradise. HOT HOT HOT !!
Yes he was a younger guy, 28. Thai. Beautiful and Versatile. With his own job.

Peak experience. I left a gift 100$ after 5 days together in his apartment - but I would have paid more if I was in a hotel! It was a gift for him to have clothing and a cell phone.
But what host/hostess gift isn't a thank you before or after an invite to eat or visit with others?
Miss Manners says -- IT'S MORE EXPENSIVE TO STAY WITH FRIEND THEN RENT A HOTEL ROOM. Groceries, the meal bill you pick up for 4 people, the flowers and alcohol.

For men in the west - I rarely ever get offers from greyhunters in my area or country.

When travelling - I'm overwhelmed with the respect and the appreciation and intelligence I am met with.

Long story short - at 56 I'd love to find a guy 35 - 55 as a partner and save $10,000 in legal fees for immigrating a lover from abroad. It would be great to find a guy that at any age likes me for the inside and outside qualities. To date and if it got to be great ... in 12 - 18 months ... move in together.

And I will save the money, just in case a local guys doesn't appear and make therefor -
'Make it so, Number One!'
In the

You look very young in your photo.

You say you welcome the day your hair starts to gray.

Lets wait 12-20 years and see your remark on the subject ?

In other words if it happens to you I bet your off to sally's for chemicals, faster than one could say just for men.

Wayne Burke

Wayne, if our blogger is on DH chances are he is attracted to guys with gray hair. Therefore, will feel confident having gray hair. So no need to be snarky.

Thank you for the reply,

Most of my adult life I found gray or white hair a good thing till it happened to me. I used color for a few years, even went blond, till natural started to be more in line with my lifestyle.
very interesting, I LOL so deep and hard for some time... Here in deep S.Central Texas I had never seen, or heard Snarky before. Made me laugh hard for some time,. till my eyes water. Also I have studied British slang, words, and culture. Never run across or backed into snarky, before today. very big grin.

By the way, my hair cutter did show me how to color the hair and leave just enough gray or white in the front and side, to make it blend in to a more natural real look. also color can take off 10-20-30 yrs off you real age, or your looks.

Also Men if you do opt to use color please do your self a favor and do not try to go back to a dark color you may have been born with. This is a common mistake and easy to spot. what you do is go blond of some shade and it looks natural on older people.
signed partly blond, gray in the front
Thank you again. Wayneburke

I was convinced to color my hair with a washable rinse once, but did not like it..I love my George Clooney cut, salt and pepper hair, short, cropped and stylish, especially when a wear a matching grey suit. I continue to get compliments. I will never color my hair again. I love my age and my looks...Chic, sophisticated and stylish...

I'm a little on both sides of the fence. As far as my general attraction, I've always liked guys older than me, which includes that salt/pepper look. I definitely think its sexy, but its what IM" attracted too. So I prefer guys not to dye it, but if you do, just do it correctly.

At 36, my hair is practically completely salt/pepper. It started in my mid 20s and I'm still adjusting to it. I've already been called daddy by the young and told by some older guys that I look older than what they're interested in, to which I respond "we all have our preferences." And I KNOW I'm too lazy to dye it. WIth it all being said, its grown on me and I know I can still attract a few folks here and there. So I say go with what feels right. I have days I want to dye it and I have days I love it. But I'm glad I still have hair at all at the moment, cause I already feel it thinning!! LOL


When guys are hooking up then some things will seem important at the moment in regards to appearances, hair and so forth. Thats where bumping across guys during the routine of daily stuff beyond the computer will develop friends where the look of things doesn't enter into it as far as who everyone can trust and bond with over time and then the sense of trust can be a sexy thing in itself. It's natural to take notice of a particular look when engaging in entertainment where the characters remain on web cam or in a movie.

Nice n' Easy Medium Ash brand of choice and I love it! I was cursed with a youthful appearance. In high scholl, I was bullied for looking like a 10 year old. When I was 28, I was still being 'carded' in bars. At 40 years old, I was still asked for ID at the liquor store. Now, my hair has turned gray, but I'm not about to surrender to old age. LOL
Forget it!!!! I think I look fabulous.......and so does my hair!

Mmmm, see THAT's the bottom line problem...that ONE line "I think I look fabulous..." So does Donald Trump...and anyone who associates Dave Annable's (Justin on Brothers & Sisters) gray hair with "old age" IS feeble because he looks HOT! Peter Graves was a fantasy to men now in their late fifties and his hair was totally white! The color of one's hair has NOTHING to do with age just as muscles have nothing to do with sexual prowess or the size of one's dick, their ability to please a partner...CONFIDENCE and self esteem, humor and intelligence, compassion and generosity, however, are measures of a real man. Saying one's hair color "surrenders" him to old age is like a fag wearing Prada saying his shirt is better than a taylor made Egyptian cotton shirt with NO label! It's superficial...

Well, I guess I STILL being bullied!! Pleeeeeese Mary!

I used to dye but I feel as I'm getting older (51 now), that my skin is more sensitive to the nearly-always toxic chemicals found in hair coloring. My hair is full, not thinning, and is salt & pepper. Because my hair grows well, were I to continue to dye it, you end up with these nasty-ass roots showing up in short order which just has a big phony look. Too much upkeep as far as I'm concerned. I have my hair, plenty to run your fingers through and it feels great. I'm happy with that.

Strictly speaking as a healthy younger guy into older men, there is absolutely nothing hotter than a hot silver fox completely owning his grays. They're not all Anderson Cooper but confidence is most definitely key.

I have used hair coloring for about 10 years. Since I keep my head shaved I just color the moustache, goatee, and eyebrows. It works wonders, I am going on 51, but most people think I am in my mid 30's. I do like a silver fox and do not care if anyone colors or not, as long as it is done correctly. I will keep fighting the gray as long as I possible can.

You DO know that you are eventually going to "LOSE", right? You WILL BE old one WILL die one doesn't have to be "bad" on the way...

This SilverDaddy with a full head of salt and pepper hair is monitoring this conversation with great curiousity. I've been giving consideration to having some of the grey professionally colored -- just feel that my hair color makes me feel 'old' (and at 60, maybe I should face reality and accept that I am....kinda). The grey hair has been attraction to several fine, younger men -- for which I'm grateful. Then again, when walking with my 85 year old father the other day, someone asked if we were brothers -- not sure how to take that one (except he looks great for his age).


I never have and probably never will like grey hair and am grateful that I don't have any.

I figure its a natural part of our procession through life, and in fact I feel like I personally EARNED every last one of my gray hairs. Not giving them up, evah.

No, Rob. Silver Foxes are not on the endangered species list. However, companies who want to hire them are virtually extinct. It has been apparent for at least the last 20 years that companies would rather hire younger folks. They perceive younger folks as needing less time off for medical reasons and being more dedicated to the pursuit of their careers because they are still building them. Also, there is an assumption that younger guys will be more able to learn new things and use new technology than older guys. Finally, if two candidates both have good experience, many companies just assume that guys with less experience will cost them less, and don't see the benefits of hiriig the more experienced guy past a certain number of experience years.

My company "perceives" younger folks as inexperienced, less dedicated to perfection in their careers because they are at the 'stepping stone' phase. We assume that 'older guys' have already learned things that younger ones are still approaching and that new technology is just that, NEW to EVERYONE. Finally when two candidates are "equal" in experience, THERE IS NO "guy with less experience" and no "more experienced guy", they "both have good experience" so the criteria is NOT age...the truth of the matter is companies hire younger men because they get them cheaper...they also GET less which eventually shows in their product or service and GOOD companies hire men based on productivity and value.

At my age my hair white/gray at times,wish I could use a silver gray to make it look more natural.However in my early years reaching high 30s got to use Just For Men hair coloring.
So at 60 said well I guess will leave at a natural stage so it is what it is, feel comfortable with it.
However the picture above looks so youthful not knowing his age.It depends how you care for yourself. If you exercise and keep yourself fit and eat the right foods your body shows it.However each to his own, if one has to be vain in order to look youthful so be it.

grrrrrrrrr ... salt & paper please come to the front of the line!!!

Oh, you kids....I was born just ahead of the baby boom, so I've already had the experience of seeing how different lights (and different cameras) can play cruel tricks with colored hair. Look at all the trouble Hollywood is now having with digital cameras making actors' HDTV makeup look like "clown white." I think it best to work well with what you've got.

The economy isn't to blame--the neverending pressure to stay young and attractive isn't nearly as devastating as suddenly finding yourself in a situation where you have let yourself go beyond the point of no return.

Grandmama used to say, "Life is a constant fight against entropy."

Of course, she also said, "Gravity always wins."


Well, I think I kind of have an excuse. Lost the hair on top, before the rest of it turned gray, or salt n pepper. I buzz it regularly, and shave it bald during the summer. my goatee/stache has become salt n pepper, and I'm ok with it. Yes, there are days I'd like to see what it'd look like, by taking some of the gray out of my facial hair. However, I made a promise to a close friend that I'd never color it, even just to "see" what it looks like.

So, when people suggest that I take out the gray, I tell them...

"I have earned every one of these gray hairs.. so %$&* off!"


I get complimented on my gray hair all the time, most recently by two strangers as I was traveling over the holidays. I'd never color it. I even went gray early (started in my late 20s) but never colored it. All of my stylists told me never to color it. My ex colored his hair. He could pull it off for a while but the older he got, the more obvious it was. You can almost always tell when someone colors his hair. It just doesn't look natural. I say embrace the gray!

Guys who dye their hair are the same guys that will lie just about everything else: dick size, age, intentions, etc. One should be proud of who and what he is.

WELL said!

I turned gray beginning in my early 20s. By the time I was 30 I was almost completely gray. I had begun dying my hair when I was 21 to cover the gray. Of course the harsh dyes destroyed my previously curly beautiful head of hair.

In my early 30s I asked my boy friend to help me cover the roots, and he said, "why don't you let the gray come through?" "I love the gray." So I did and have never turned back.

Now at 65 my hair is completely white and I am proud of the look. I get a lot of compliments from my young friends, unfortunately they are not hunters, so as much as I would love to have a relationship with them that doesn't happen. I'm still waiting for that hunter who wants a man to spend his life with.

Now what could be MORE SEXY than a handsome gray haired gentleman who is in shape... That to me is the bonus we have all waited for.... I colored my hair some time ago until I visited my family and noticed that they ALL had this terrific color. Well guess what I did too... retuned home let grow out and never did it again. I receive all sorts of compliments one being "what have you done? You have this glow about you" Well guess what the natural S & P enhanced my eyes, my skin and hopefully the rest of the goods.... Lets let nature take its course... and that goes for the balding process as well....!!!! Sean Conery has proven that to us hasn't he.... good at any age!

I started having noticeable gray hair when I was 25 with more showing itself every day. I even get gray in my beard! I come from a long line of men who were mostly gray shortly after 40, so it really isn't a big deal to me. If anything, I find people take me more seriously. I may change my mind in 20 years though. Until then, I have no problem earning my laugh lines that balance my dimples.

I would LOVE to look good with my gray hair but i am so fair that I just look awful so I dye it...have been toying with the idea of growing it out again the last time I did that a lot of men were like DYE THAT HAIR! Whatev fellas....Julian

There is truth in the adage "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" Same goes for sexiness I guess. "What you see is what you get" is also generally good when its true. More strength to Grey Power

I really like my sat and pepper hair, dyed hair does not look natural.............

I'm 63 and my hair is still thick, curly and dark with a only few strands of silver at the temples. I darken my mustache, which has always been blond and now has silver in it so that my belt matches my shoes, otherwise it looks as if I dye my head hair, which I don't. I'm not ashamed of my gray, but dark hair and light facial hair just doesn't look right.

I have found, since getting gray, I get hit on a lot more, seems the daddy look really works, and I'm in the business of hair....but on the other hand, I hate the gray hair on my chest, just makes for an old look, so that I do color....for a younger looking body, and have convinced many of my clients to do the same....created a new service here at my well as manscaping/bodywaxing, etc......and have to tell ya, my full white stache has drawn many admirers...very few men that color their hair, have it looking natural.....if you are really gray, and want to go for a more youthful look, just try a reverse highlighting....much more natural looking....and still gives a sophisticated look.....!

Some tell me I have a sixth sense that allows me to spot hairpieces and hair dye from great distances, and when I do, I can't help but think that the person has no confidence in who he really is. If you're hiding anything, I'm sorry, but we're probably not going to get along.

If I could find a Gray Hair Daddy Bear that "ALL" Top I would pay for that

At sixty-eight the big white stache and beard continue to be a pleasure for me and the men in my life. I wish for all of you, the same good fortune.

Would never dream of coloring my salt and pepper short hair, its what the young guys like and I like younger guys. Soon to be 65 and having the best time of my life.

Grey/salt and pepper, I'm just glad to have as much hair as I do. Personally I feel dyed, especially dark, is extremely harsh and makes one look older.

Gay men are ALWAYS told what they NEED to be or look like to be considered hot or attractive.
Face it or not, you're going to get older and the grey hair will come...PERIOD!! I embrace every year of my life, having watched all of my friends die of AIDS WITHOUT them ever having the privilege to live long enough to GO grey!! In my minds eye they are forever young for that's when they died. I have learned to live my life and as I used to enjoy my chestnut brown hair, beard and goatee I am now enjoying my still dark stache and silver goatee with pride. I am STILL hot and I STILL get men and I still feel vital and alive. IF grey hair means THAT much to gay men that they don't want anything to do with me solely on THAT basis then move the f*ck on baby!! You may have youth (for awhile) but I got EXPERIENCE, and got paid to seduce and sexually please star, escort, doctor...What do YOU bring to the table other than your vanity? LOL

Salt and pepper is very attractive but some of us never quite get there. The temples are gray, yet the rest of the hair is still brown but without the intensity it had when I was younger, so I'm sort of torn. As far as competing in a youth oriented culture, eat healthy, know how to dress yourself, get yourself to the gym, not only do you look years younger when in great shape, you feel years younger and come off that way also. At 58 I have never felt better and I think, maybe it's just wishful thinking, but I feel I look better than I ever have. Who knew???



Just turned 61 yesterday. I have always looked 10 to 15 yrs younger than I am. I have salt and pepper hair on my head and stach, but my gotee is solid white. I dye the stach and tee a nice medium brown and leave the rest alone. I live in a college town and am surounded by young men, some are repulsed by my age and others find me sexy. I constantly get, no way are you 61 from strangers. I wear a high and tight crewcut, so the salt and pepper is not as noticable as if my hair was longer. If my hair every goes solid gray and my stach, I'll will stop dying it. I like the look of hair and face hair matching. I have no gray hair below and as I'm smooth all over don't have to worry about chest hair going gray. LOL I find all age guys attractive and am not one to judge anothers choice of to dye or not, but like others here, if u gona dye it, at least make it look natural.Keeping healthy and in shape will make what ever color hair you have irrevelent. As will being a nice person and treating others with respect.

I've had some gray in my hair since I was 22. I came to accept it early. Now I have a nice salt and pepper look. I grew out my beard this fall for the first time in my life (I'm 56). Had I known I would get so much attention, I would have done it a long time ago. The salt and pepper beard seems to attract a lot of men (and some women too...go figure! <grin>). Personally, I love it, and will never dye the hair on my head, or on my face. I'm attracted to men with well-groomed hair and beards, gray or not!

I like brown hair and a young demeanor - so I always die my hair when I go somewhere. Problem is that I cut it short and it grows out fast. How can we maintain eternal youth?

I hear L'Oreal is about five years away from developing a pill that would end grey hair.
At this late stage in the game, I'm not sure I'd use it.
Turning 65 this year, I'm toying with hosting a "wake' rather than a "birthday party."

You CAN'T.

I wouldn't even think of dying my hair. I value my "younger guy magnet." Who would have thought in the 1980s that looking older would be a positive in the gay community?

While I don't pay other people's bills, just my own, but I say "keep it grey!" White is nice too. I know it can be tough especially when you are looking for a job, but the same can be said for men with facial hair, even a moustache alone.

Usually when someone tells me they dye their hair, I say (politely) that they shouldn't, that it will look nice the way it is.

If grey says "experience" (like in a commercial), then that's what I WANT!