Gays, Please Stop Saying...

January 5, 2011

If I hear one more gay call something fierce, I may smack a bitch (though smacking bitches is probably a little outdated too). Let me rephrase for 2011: If I hear one more gay call something fierce, I may punch a nut.

Lake Superior State University recently released their list of words and phrases that should be banished from 2011. And while I'm partial to "fail" and "BFF" I do agree that they've served their purpose and have been rightly overused this past year. Other words rounding out the list include, "viral", "refudiate", and "man up." (You can view the full list here.)

Since the gays have a language all their own, seems like it's only fitting that we have a list of our own as well. "Fabulous" should have been retired as soon as Will & Grace went off the air, and yet it still seems to pop up in our modern day lexicon. Along with the aforementioned "fierce", I'd like to throw in "werq" (including the accompanying snaps), "girl/gurl", "I die," and the whole using she when referring to a he thing. That last one, I have to admit, I was never on board with.

What gay words or phrases that we hear or say ad nauseum should we leave behind in 2010?

Tags: retired, words, phrases
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Post written by RobHeartsDH (View Author Profile)
About this author: Rob lives in Manhattan with his black pug Riley. When he’s not thinking about daddies, he enjoys writing, eating burritos, watching copious amounts of television, and thinking about his next meal.
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"Ms. THING"... I hadn't heard that for eons, and then from outta nowhere BAM... "Ms. Thing" - I say public executions for using that one!

Thank you for decoding that comment. I had no idea what that meant.
And "ew".

Yeah, really. How about stop being uncool, nelly, queens in general? Let's also retire designer clothes, barbwire tatoos and lame chicks who make "music" - Madonna, Janet, Britney, Xtina, Beyonce, Fergie, Gwen, Lady Gaga, etc.

ohhh thank YOU so much!

=i guess i like ole lady expressiion:

"whaah?" - "pardon me?" - "whatz that yu sayz"
- "huuuh?" - "x-scuse me?"=


I can get tired of an overused word or phrase as fast as anyone - I think "work it" should have died a quiet death once "Supermodel" fell off the charts - but let's not be so fast to toss out everything, and for god's sake, if I hear one more call to get rid of "nelly queens" I think I'm going to go postal (to drag out another old, once overused phrase).

The nelly queens were the ones out there, from Stonewall to Jack McFarland, leading the charge to ensure that we can't be herded into a paddy wagon out of our favorite bars and booked for indecent behavior just for dancing with another man (and having names splashed on the crime page of the paper and careers ruined in the process). We've had this discussion over and over, and it's appalling how fast the "I-go-to-sports-bars-nobody-knows-I'm-gay-unless-I-tell-them-can't-stand-nelly-queens" types are ready to throw other gays under the bus.

OK, so it's not so dangerous any more (in most places in the U.S.); then again, look at the number of kids who've been bullied to the point of suicide because others just thought they might be gay. This attitude buys into that same twisted viewpoint: that everything would be A-OK for us if people would just butch up.

Sometimes the world needs fabulous. And a lot of it.

so true --- DITTO !!!

Thank you!

my sentiments exactly. FABULOUS!



BRAVO! Well said . . .

Thanks, Cowboy, I'm right there with ya!

And for the record on the broader discussion, "fabulous" was never all that cool. (and neither are pugs.)

I agree, most people who use that rhetoric is dead or can't go to the bars because they're ridiculed by young A&F wearing A-holes who's nose is too far up in air, that you would need a spatula to pry them off the cieling.
Come on, Daddy Hunt Bloggers, Hate is Hate. If you don't like the talk, walk away. They will get the hint or clue soon enough. Sometimes thoses who are just coming out, hear those phrases and new ones and think that's what it sounds like to be gay. So.... be a role model, use your thesaurus and find more creative words, that would probably catch on and then they will be tried of hear it too.

Yah, it hard to see a hot masculine guy and as soon as you meet, the purse and pearls fall out of his mouth, but that is the challenge of meeting people. Enough of jumping into bed, find out who you are fucking!!!!! Talk to them!!!!!! There is nothing worst that just having sex to a silent man and find out he talks likes Joanne Worley, ooops, too old of reference, Bobby Trendy.

Or how about the phrase "straight-acting?" Few things piss me off more than seeing or overhearing some poor schmuck describing himself that way. What the hell is that supposed to mean? I mean, not only does it reek of insecurity and a complete identity crisis, but what do you suppose it does for the rest of us? Might as well just throw that bus in reverse and roll over us one more time while you're at it. I like masculinity in a man just as much as the next gay guy, but for crying out loud, just do it and don't talk about it in a way that justifies you in terms of your lifestyle being better than someone else's.

Amen Sister! Oh... that's probably not okay either.

But seriously you make an excellent point. The youth of today (does that make me sound old?) have no idea of the work that those queens did to pave our way (and still do). And many of them don't even know what Stonewall was or who Harvey Milk was.

Thank you for standing up for all the people in our community!

I'm thinking "straight acting" should go on the list. I mean really gentlemen, what does that even MEAN? Though it is true that in common parlance such words and phrases as we're talking about tend to fade out of usage on their own, (I mean who calls anything "phat" anymore?) Within the LGBT community, and especially us fellas, do tend to take to something and hold really tightly to it for longer than is strictly needful.

I agree. I mean, really, just how "straight" do they look when they're on their knees sucking cock? If you're really "straight acting" then you aren't having sex with another man.

As J.D. Slater once put it, "Did you see the guy walking around here with a big box of clues? Because apparently some people are missing some..."

While I would hardly consider Lake Superior State University the epi-center of lexiconography from any culture - Gay or otherwise - I do agree that there are words that are over used and MISused in our everyday vocabulary. However, they cannot be primarily blamed on the Gay Community as a whole (I hold my breath everytime Sarah Palin is on TV - in more ways than never know what the F#@k she is going to screw up saying...).

The words that you are making a big deal about are part and parcel of our Gay History. They have been around since Gay Men (primarily) and Lesbians first started gathering socially. They were used to as a form of self-mockery, to unleash the anger and socially-inflicted loathing heaped upon us by a homophobic society who thought of us as unworthy to live much less have any significant value in the latger society. Therefore, in order to "cope" with this hatred, we turned this outward loathing into comedy by using such terms as "MISS Thing" (not Ms. Thing), "Girlfriend", etc and taking on feminine mannerisms such as "snapping" and "pearl clutching" by gay men. As time went by and society has become more accepting of our Community (sorta) these gestures seem out of date and passe. However, they are part of our History and our struggle and they should not be forgotten. If the words bother you, simply eliminate them from your vocabulary, but don't forget about them. They hold very powerful meaning to many of us who lived through a darker period and fought so that you younger boys can have the rights you have today.

Remember: It was the Drag Queens who stood fast against the police raids at Stonewall in June of 1969. Are you suggesting that they be eliminated along with these words from our History as well?

Bitch, Pul-eeze!

... hmmmmm...

... not to go all...
... tears for fears...
... on this...
... but there are many...
... i could "shout"...
... about...

... though my biggest peeve...
... lately...
... is the inappropriate use...
... of "hate"...
... and its variations...
... to immediately dismiss...
... dissent and opinion...
... and avoid discourse...
... by unjustly categorizing...
... the thought...
... and its holder...

... and more generally...
... any words...
... issued to needlessly...
... denigrate, demean...
... disparage...
... or disfranchise...

... may our speech...
... be an accurate reflection...
... of our ideals and intent...
... so we may easily...
... know our friends...



Random... ellipses... are totally... passé. Especially...... the ones with.. any... arbitrary......,,,,..,.,., number.....,, of '.''s and.... ','....,..,,,... Like, what's the comma about.... anyway?

Also: Saying 'blessings' went out with Wicca. Radical Faeries, sit the f* down and hit this shit before it goes out.

... the comma...
... is merely dramatic...
... pause...
... holding for approximately...
... two heartbeats...
... or the reader's...
... attention span...
... whichever is shorter...

... because drama...
... with many gays...
... never goes out of style...



Things may be haywire sometimes these days because of not enough bitch slaps. A spanky could steer them away from dangerous elements before they go and explore and get stuck in the same bear trap that the older one already learned from.

How about "mess" as in "Girl, she's a mess!" or "You is a hot mess!".
Another one; "Ho". Way, way. way, played out.

That article that you wrote was true and fierce. ;P

I dunno I think there's a bit of lady phobia attached to all of this? But agreed a lot of these words are pretty stale dated and might not reflect our current times. Perhaps there is a lack of creativity in describing people - underlying these expressions? I know a fellow who calls everyone she, which I find charming and humourous, but confusing at times LOL! The use of "She" maybe generational too? "She" can also indicate a gay guy who is included and accepted and also be used by fags as a demeaning term of exclusion. Language is never as simple as it appears or sounds.

I sometimes call super butch women "Him" or "He" and got my dyke friends to do the same, which they love!

I've only heard the word *fierce* used in one instance, and that was a song released in 1984 by the girl group "Klymaxx"...where Bernadette Cooper, the lead singer, in a song, describes her hair as being *fierce* 26 years out and about I have *never* heard anyone refer to anyone else as "fierce", other than that one instance

Oh good lord... KLYMAXX! Now they were FABULOUS + FIERCE!

Live and let live.
When we start censoring what one can and can not say, are we no better than the society that tells us how we can and cannot act?
Its almost as if being gay is a bad thing. Its bad enough when it comes from the straight society
but from our brothers and sisters?
We should embrace our history and roots. As stated above by cowboyinbrla , it was the nelly queens who stood up for our rights when no one else would.
Thanks Ya''!!!

That word "discrete" which shrieks of internalised homophobia should come out of the closet and be spelt "indiscrete".

Actually the word "discrete" means two things that stand separately from each other. The word you are trying to say shrieks (can we use that word on here or is it banned?) of homophobia is "discreet", and that word does not have anything to do with homophobia either, it has to do with keeping one's business to oneself.

Let's be honest. 'Discreet' means "I'm married and cheating on my wife, so that's why I don't have a face picture posted." Given that it packs so much content into one word, it's really pretty useful.

Whatever you leave behind in one year will return with the next cycle of the social tide in a couple decades. The lingo going around the roman bath houses 2000 years ago may have been similar until the barbarian hoards came rushing in while the Roman senators were being fed grapes by their perfumed boyfriends. Maybe the United States is entering the same sort of sedated slumber period that made the Romans susceptible. Couldn't hurt to snap some folks out of self absorption mode and see that functioning as a team is what gets things done for sure.

Why don't you start by stopping your public complaints about other people's behavior and look at your own?

Your post is just a way to assert some (undeserved) "superiority" over others. Look at your post: Your discomfort is with guys you perceive as unmanly, a discomfort that is possibly misogynistic at root, a discomfort with something feminine in them that you (misguidedly) believe reflects on you.

Live and let live. It takes all kinds to make "the gays": butch, femme, top, bottom, show queens, gay jocks, leather and lace.

I don't say "gurl" or "fierce" or "hot mess" but I don't post blogs putting down people who do. If you don't like those words, don't say them.

Nice reply. Totally agree.

love it!

Superb reply :-)

Really, it just seems that 'some' Gay guyz haven't had enough of the shame-game put upon us by the het-dominant culture. Enough! WE of all ppl ought not shame those of Our Tribe because of personal choices in words and phrases! I mean, aren't we the ones who beseech the hets to 'embrace' us as their equals? But how can they when we're playing the same shame-game with Our own kind over the silliest things (the way some guyz dress, the way some guyz speak, the way some guyz like only big dicks <g>, and so on)? So then, how dare one from Our Tribe put down others of Our Tribe merely because certain words or phrases used by others seem somehow 'inferior', when all of us have paid our dues to be here by virtue of having survived so much that the het-dominants could throw at us as we were growing up, and afterwards. Really, we need to be less critical and petty when it comes to judging and shaming Our own kind concerning just about everything that we do as individuals, as there's no such thing as the 'ideal' Gay person.

Ponder this, and live fierce ;-]

I am okay with anyone saying what they want within their own private circles for sure. True progress is never from having a mass mindset where a majority conforms to a mainstream behavioral, psychological and linguistic policy. Just wait awhile and the present mainstream fades as always after a new gimmick is experimented with for awhile which also drives a marketplace of organic products and professional solutions to happiness and pacification at exorbitant rates to fill the pockets of various forms of snake oil salesman that change their stripes every decade or 2 in order to sell something that seems fresh and new. If everyone was talking the same from coast to coast then we would have a scary movie scenario like in the "Stepford Wives" where all the wives were replaced with robots for optimum service with a smile.

My, my,my, but some of you take things way too seriously! This is meant to be fun, something to make us think of the words WE used one too many times and to smile about it, or groan, but c'mon men, lighten up! You all need to be "bitch slapped"...still my favorite term. lol should be banned but that's it!,,,lol!

The way I understood the initial posting is that it was probably meant to complain about overuse of slang words, and not really meant to forbid any particular word used sparingly. How about "cute" misspellings such as kewl for cool, often misspelled as kwel (the name of a product to kill body lice), cum for come, and others? Mercifully, I don't often see alternating CaPiTaL AnD SmAlL letters as often lately...

Oh bitch, please! Stop all this unnecessary no ice.

Have we been reduced to talking about this? Gag me with a spoon........

; (

"begs the question" unless you're using the phrase correctly to describe a logical fallacy.

Fucking-A. Hella Awesome Blog I say. Actually...(now there's an overused word for ya...Actually) and another favorite of mine is OMG! Well that's a phrase Actually. Oops, there I go again. Happy New Year everyone!

"Like." She was like, yeah, and I'm like, whatever. Like, there should be a fine imposed for like, verbal pollution.


Please, please make the word "around" as in "We've had discussions around so-and-so..." go away!

Can abbreviations/acronyms be included in the list? If so, please add meaningless expressions such as GSOH and DTE. Other terms on my hate list are:

laid back
nice bottle of red
warped sense of humour
from mild to wild
love to laugh
don't take myself too seriously
like going out and staying in
walks along the beach
retail therapy
cuddle up on the couch with a DVD
bubbly personality

All the above too often seen in gay dating adverts!!!!

If anyone uses the word "fabulous" then they are going to be too busy preening and using the cell phone to notice you left the table to go to the restroom at the restaurant. Describing a personality type is silly because everyone you meet will see you as different from the way the last guy saw you based on his particular pet peeves and background and whether he is positive in spirit or just a tad negative in the choice of lingo to achieve a particular reaction to suit his personal desires of the moment. Some people imagine they are scoring points like a football game when they use words in ways to seem like they are coming out on top. It's all just cultural based at times where new phrases support a particular dogma. Just be yourself and don't adjust anything based on what people think who will never know you or see you in person. Real life is where it's at with real life friends that are ready to back you up as a good person beyond the games of rhetoric.

Usually don't feel the need to comment on posts (I prefer to let you guys run wild), but feel the need to step in and say that this was meant to be a light hearted post - as all my posts are meant to be. This was not a put down nor did it have any underlying femme-a-phobia hiding within. To be honest, I use these words too, as do many of my friends, and the post was meant to be a fun way to explore the ways in which we gays use language and how certain words tend to gain momentum and popularity, and ultimately become OVERUSED. In short, it was meant to be a fun group activity.

peace out.