Myths of Dating

November 17, 2009
Category: Dating

This blog post is about how to meet a single guy for dating, courtship and a long term partnership. Though hooking up with guys can be fun and exciting I’m in the “how to” find a Boyfriend/Soulmate/Partner/Spouse/Husband/ trade-- the love business, so to speak.

Four myths of dating.

First: “All the good guys are taken.” What a bummer this one is—I can assure you that not all the good guys are taken and in fact there is a great pool of adorable, smart men waiting to meet their future mate. Some of them are reading this post right now.

Second: “I can’t deal with rejection” Reality check: rejection is part of the dating scene. It’s a great equalizer—gorgeous guys, and men from every state of life have gotten rejected. It sucks but ultimately the best answer to rejection is a four letter word, “Next!”

Third: “Men will flock to me for dates.” If only! Ninety percent of men are not going to approach you-you’re going to have to approach them. Even hot guys have to make the first move. I promise you’ll develop a sexy confidence –a quality many singles are drawn to.

Fourth: “Dating is not work.” Dating is work but with a great dividend: a boyfriend. But it’s also has to be fun; otherwise, you’ll never be motivated to take a risk. Suggest to your date fun places to go (amusement park, wrestling competition, gallery opening) and to do (drive to the ocean, horseback riding). No need to turn first dates into exhaustive talkathons. Get out there and have some fun.

Dealing with Resistance. My partner and I met at one of my weekend dating workshops. He had every impulse to cancel out the night before with all the negative thinking: “I don’t know anyone.” “Can I spend a whole weekend with gay guys?” “I’m too tired.” “There are a million things to do around the house.” Sound familiar? Since he’s cheap and there was no refund, he got in his car and the rest is history. Ninety percent of life is showing up. The weird thing about resistance, if you’re aware of it, it’s the first step in overcoming it.

Celebrate diversity and challenging the notion of “my type.” To have a type is to have specific preference or desire regarding the image another gay man projects. Don’t close yourself off to dating men who are outside your type “He’s not the right guy—it will never work”. Really? If I could predict what would or wouldn’t work in matching guys, I’d be quite wealthy but dating in many ways is one friggin’ mystery! An Evangelical meets a Hindu, a man with a high libido meets gentleman with a low libido, an S/M enthusiast meets a pure vanilla man, a Democrat meets a Republican, a Jew meets an Episcopalian. All these pairings are still together. I know some non-types and opposites really don’t work but be open to the mystery! I’m a 5’8” slim Irish-Catholic heritage guy(extrovert) from NYC—and I met a 6’3” younger, bald Quaker(introvert) from Pennsylvania Dutch Country. On the surface it might have looked like a odd match but it works. So if you never thought you’d date a Muslim, a Baptist, a Trans Man or a Big Bear, it’s time to challenge your thought process.

Four Pointers to jump-starting your love life:

# 1 Avoid Attitude
People can smell attitude a mile away. If someone starts with attitude, you can imagine what they’ll be like in six months. Have an open heart and open mind.

#2 Have an Action Plan!
Take three dating actions over the next three month and start going on real live dates. Besides the Internet there are scores of places to start the husband hunt: gallery openings, Frontrunners, churches( The Cathedral of Hope in Dallas— those irresistible single men) /synagogues/mosques, gyms, jury duty, rodeos, golf tournaments, HIV support groups, opera clubs, political campaigns, dog runs/walking your dog, cruise ships, retreats, Gay single Dads, charity events antique shops/stores. Volunteer. Join an organization. Get into the dating mix. Let your world be one great dating stage that you strut across.

#3 Date-in-the-Flesh
The Internet is great for making connections but you have to get a date in-the-flesh date as opposed to just texting, phone calls and emails. There is no better substitute than seeing, hearing, and smelling another man.

# 4 Sex
The first key to being a successful dater is: no sex for the first three dates (or more). Cry. Scream. Curse me. But you’ll see: it works. Wanting sex is as natural as wanting to eat, but intimacy cannot be rushed. Some men have told me that the “no sex on the first three dates” guideline has taken the pressure off to have sex when they didn’t want to.

Jim Sullivan, dating and relationship expert, is author of Boyfriend 101, A Gay Guy’s Guide to Dating, Romance and Finding True Love and is currently working on his second book project. Jim maintains a private coaching practice on dating/relationship/life issues. He holds two master’s degrees, one in counseling from New York University and one in religious studies from Manhattan College. -

Tags: Advice, Dating Tips
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Loved your comments about the 'my type'criteria. I'm not good about guessing Chemistry, but boy when it's there wow and wonderful. I've had to learn to give interactions a chance.
God bless, I chuckled, laughed and yelled approval at the monitor. Thanks for posting this, sometimes it is just plain great to have to read some wisdom it in print. Somethings I'm doing right, somethings I need work, but makes me feel like I'm on the right path. Zeph

Great advice. However, I don't think you'll have much luck finding an OPENLY gay man in a Mosque. Just sayin. You might have slightly better luck with Republicans.

I am relatively new to being open again to dating after several years of (enjoyable) singlehood, but you're advice about making the first move seems right on target. There are these "gropes" and low-key responses that are seemingly flirtatious,( masculine men don't like to be to be viewed as "needy" I suspect) but it's surprising how few say what they really have in mind. I wish people were more clear, even blunt about what they want, but I confess I am the same way. One must do battle with a certain ambivalence about "dating" because, yes, it always entails possibility of the dreaded R word: rejection. One question: should'nt a first "date" be more like a cup of coffee somewhere? You seem to suggest "going to an amusement park" or "horseback riding." How is it you want to get on a roller coaster with someone you don't even know yet? Isn't there a comfort zone that has to be first reached initially? To me, a gentle, friendly start seems best rather than strapping on roller skates with someone so fast, but perhaps your advice is best. This "dating" thing seems complex. No wonder so many just go for a roll in the hay instead.

Listen, you sound to me exactly like the kind of guy who will benefit from the comment or advice in the have to clarify that your singlehood was "enjoyable"..... and that "you suspect men don't like to be viewed as needy", .....seems to me you are still in the preppy, immature level which makes a lot of us gais seem petulant and even fastidious....the let me put on my mask to show you my face stage...... which must be shed before being really prepared for the responsibility (and the joy) of intimacy... I am older & have lived somewhat through that....and I know that it will make you loose some opportunities. This is not so much to criticize it is to encourage you. Good luck!

I'm with skinnyguy on the Muslim/mosque thing; you are just being mindlessly PC. And I am a Republican whose boyfriend is a Democrat. According to CNN exit polls in 2008, around 25% of gays voted for McCain. So we're easier to find than gay Muslims, whose lives are often literally in danger in the lands of The Religion of Peace.

You're kind of being overly optimistic, aren't you?

- "All the Good Guys are NOT Taken" - In my experience, the good guys ARE taken. Most of the time, I try to talk with guys I have interest in and they snub me, like I'm the lowest caste and they're up in the upper echelons. This kind of goes hand in hand with some of the other stuff.

- "Dealing with Resistance" - Well, I can see the point to get out there and make yourself known in the local gay community would behoove one in their search. But what if you live in the proverbial "Buckle on the Conservative Belt"? Finding an environment where you'd know that the other person is indeed gay and not homophobic or a gay-basher would be difficult to find, no? On top of that, out in public not only do you run the gamble of trying to initiate something with someone who could despises you (for retarded reasons, I might add), but there's still the craps shoot of whether they'll be interested in you or not. It goes hand in hand with the "dealing with rejection" thing, I know, but you still end up embarrassed, as was my experience when I tried to confront a couple of men I had crushes on when I was in high school.

- "Challenge 'Your Type' " - Tried it years ago, try again every now and then; no luck. Based on my observations, sex, and just having a physical attraction, is an important part of having a healthy relationship. I mean, if you have a situation where one person isn't attracted to the other, then they'd either feel like they were obligated to sleep with the other person in order to maintain the relationship (which isn't a relationship, in my opinion, if you feel obligated to do something for the benefit of maintaining it), or risk having the relationship fall apart because both partner's needs aren't being met. So, going off of the "mutual attraction needed" idea, then you come to another problem: you're attracted to a "type" that seems to only be attracted to a similar "type", and you don't fit that mold. You're at a whole new conundrum of whether you need to change yourself (be it physically or otherwise) in order to be considered attractive to the type you're attracted to. Is it really worth it to pursue such extremes for a relationship that more than likely only based on that? Let's take my problem for example: I'm cubbish, young, etc and attracted to older ("daddies"), muscular men. For years, the only kind of guy that fits that "type" are attracted to guys that are, at the very least, "athletic" be it younger or not. So now I'm faced with either the option to change who I am (going to the gym and lifting weights, running, etc) in order to fit into what that type likes. Yes, I'll have better chances of finding someone that I can have truly healthy relationship with, that will like me as a person instead of a "body type", but fact still remains that I had to change who I was, whether I liked who I was or not, in order to get his attention.

Plus what everyone else said about the whole "opposites attracting" thing. Finding a gay Muslim, a gay Evangelist, etc.

But that's the thing, though, isn't it? If you have to change in order to earn someone else's affection then that's called "conditional love", which is worthless. Yes, growing and changingis part of life, but that comes with interacting with other people.

Let's say, for example, you like younger guys with a slight build. Would you want to pursue an intimate relationship with an older bear? And before you say it, yes a platonic relationship can be built. But it's up to the discretion of both parties if they want to establish that bond.

Another type of barrier: The other guy isn't into you. That's a barrier; should you try to overcome it? If it were me and I wasn't interested in someone, I would rather they just accept it and leave me alone than for them to try and pursue me.

I don't mean to take away from the encouraging message. Yet, after years of this crap, keeping an open mind, looking at differant people, doing deep personal work, by myself and a Therapist. Getting to know myself and my wants & needs, adapting it to those in my range. Trying to change my look, go to differant venues, being unfailingly courteous, kind,witty, smart, serious & responsive. Selective, available....etc...I couldn't get a man to piss on me, if I was on fire. I am told repeatedly how good I look, how desireable I am, what I good catch I would just never seems to be enough for all these other gay men (who I see searching high & low, with a laser beam of uniquely specific requirements, that reduces me to nice decoration, but NEVER serious intentions). I made mistakes, corrected them, I'm mindfull of not just my behaviour & it's effect, but, also sensitive to the object of my desire's behaviour. I try to be flexible, also, to stand firm, and mean it. It seems to have no effect at all. I either have pathetic luck, or fated to be alone...Yet still I dust myself off and try, with new eyes, all over again....I don't have any advice, if I had it I'd use it myself...I would like to hear if anyone else could make sense of this long standing nightmare of mine....and No I am not going to a Mosque...just call me wrong. So?

Jim, Thanks for this article.

Seriously, even if I wanted to buy any of your books, I would not want to do it after having read your article here. What's good in it, ain't new - and what's new ain't any good.

"All the good guys are taken." - No one would really start with any dating effort whatsoever, if he really believed that "All the good guys are taken." This is a popular, useless sterotype, and debating is mostly used to fill your page and add up to your word count.

"I can't deal with rejection." Nope, the best way to deal with it is NOT to call out for more of the same by shouting "NEXT". (Are we in a dentist's office, here?) You want to develop your own mechanism of avoiding rejection, and coping with it, when it happens. You want to know why are you being rejected. You want to look into it, and see, if there is anything you can do within the reason, in order to avoid repeating the same experience over and over again.

"Men will flock to me for dates." - No one seriously fears this problem at all. Just like no one seriously fears that he would drop dead, if his income was doubled, tripled or quadrupled, and he now has all that extra money to spend, and all those wonderful extra choices to make. The difference between the very hot and desirable guys, and those who are not is that the former MAY choose to approach the latter, if they want to, but they really do not have to. They'll get a date anyway, because they are going to be hit on by the other guys anyway. The not-so-hot dudes HAVE TO approach other dudes (like it or not) or they'll never start dating at all. That is a real reality check. Though, it may not be what you, and possibly many other guys want to hear.

Do you really seriously think that all those hot guys slave their lives away in gyms purely because they want to be healthy? Do you really think that they are doing very serious overtime because a Saturn can't really bring them from A to B, so it really has to be the latest Porsche? Nope. None of the above. You are doing all of this, so that you ARE the one who is the most desirable dude in the pack, so that the others vie for you AND you do not have to vie for them.

Dating IS work. Sure, it is. So is going to a bar for couple of drinks, too. Making it fun, is where it becomes very problematic. You are using your first date to get to know your date, and to introduce yourself to him to. What you may call 'fun' may very easily be his ultimate definition of boredom: a wrestling match? A gallery opening? You do not know that guy. You want to dedicate an hour or two over the drinks and/or a light meal, coffees or whatever to get to know him, so that you can see where his and your idea of what "fun" really is, overlap!

"Dealing with resistance" is far more complex than bumping into a cheap dude, who will go for it, no matter what, since there is no refund. (Do you really seriously, want to date a cheapie?) Many people, if pressed hard, one way or the other will overcome their resistance, and show up. They will also both resent it (openly or not) and rightly start believing that they are only very desirable since they have to pressed into showing up. If a dude has no genuine interest in showing up, and/or has not manned up enough to know what he really wants to do with his life, he is really best left alone (or with his nanny?) to grow up. Working towards breaking someone's resistance is really teaching by giving a bad example. You are signaling that each and every time he is expected to do something, you'll go into an elaborate set of actions to break his resistance, and 'make him' do it?

"Celebrate diversity!" Sure, we do! There is nothing wrong with it, so why not celebrate it? No doubt, even the most unexpected pairings have worked out, AT TIMES. And some hard working folks have also won lottery, and do not have to go to work Monday morning. Yup, anything and everything may happen; so it does! However, if you have been around the block for at least couple of times, you must recognize the fact that by far, most people define their happiness as the achievement of their dreams and plans. Getting whom (or what) they wanted to get in the first place is how they define their happiness.

"Attitude"??? This bit should really read: "Do not sport a bad attitude!" A guy who is just open-minded and open-hearted may be a perfectly good airhead, too. An attractive and desirable guy has his values, his ideals and his views, and whereas, he may not be inclined to stuff them down your throat, he isn't afraid or even uncomfortable with expressing them either. If there is no common ground between the two guys, at least to some extent, they really are wasting each other's time.

The mosque, sinagogue, etc. dating environment needs no further comment.

The rule about not having sex on the first three dates is just another urban myth. This rule works very well for the guys who either have low libido and/ or are very conservative in their views, tend to be hypocritical when it comes to sex, or are sexually negative people. (There is nothing wrong with being anything of the above. For you, this rule may very well work!)

For all the others, "playing hard to get" is both a tricky and an unproductive strategy. Your potential dates will start fearing that you have hidden issues when it comes to your sexuality, and that you are secretly looking for a 'platonic' or even worse 'a mostly platonic relationship' without saying so upfront, and being honest about it.

You will be more likely than not perceived as being manipulative, and prone to be granting sexual favors only in exchange for something else. Trust me, this will have many guys running for shelter before the end of your very first date.

Not all gay men are sexually compatible. People know that, and most of them also know that the sexual compatibility does not stop at the borders of being 'a top' or 'a bottom'. There is much, much more to it.

Few guys are willing, in this time and age to take their time, money and energy, and invest it all in dating a guy without making sure that there is at least, a good, reasonable chance that the sex bit may work just as well.


I hate to rain on your parade here, but this was the worst, most useless and misleading article I have ever read on the DH blog...


i really enjoyed your article, i mean it was all the stuff about dating we should all know and a great refresher course. i think it is sad that there are so many people on here that are quick to complain about how horrible it was, got some advice for those guys, if you can give better advice, you should have included it in your comments. the world is way too polluted with negativity, why add it here on a page where someon is just trying to get us modivated to find a partner or just get out there and be available.

after ending an 8 year relationship, dating sounds a bit scary to me and after reading this i know that the right attitude for it.

to all those guys that hated this article, maybe changing your outlook on life might help you find mister right.

I hate to break it to you, but negativity is a part of life. You can't have the positive without the negative because the negative helps you appreciate the positive all the more. Like my parents taught me when I was a kid: "Bitter medicine makes you appreciate sweet candy all the more".

As for your comment about us being negative, I've spent the better part of 8 years searching for Mr Right. Had ups, downs, and best I can I show for it is a 2 year long-distance relationship where I've never met the guy in person once. I would say that maybe you should follow your own advice and YOU give some advice, because those of who have been making bad comments here are still looking for a beacon of insight.

Well this man here will bee having a celebration to mark our 7th year together this Dec! But it took a very long time and lots of work, (dating is NOT ALL FUN AND NO WORK!) before meeting my guy. Being positve when going out is a must! But negative feelings are a part of life and dealing with them and negative comments are also a part of life

If you took the trouble to read my comments, you would see why I disagreed with the OP, and what I my advice would be.

There is no 'negativity' here whatsoever. Simply, a well-based argument against the superficial, mostly useless stereotypes the OP has been promoting in his article.

If the advice given by the OP works for you, great! More power to you!

It really does not work for many simply because it is based on largely false presumptions.


I`m seeking a guy Named Ricardo v Abero who was born in iligan City Philippines and has recently spent time in santa mesa, manila.

can anyone give me information on how to contact him?

Thoughtful and sensible. I can see why some guys would throw a tantrum at reading this: they want what they want when they want it. But for anybody looking for the real thing, this post is spot on.

In my late 50's I decided to start dating again and hoped to find a partner. Odds were not great but I plunged in. I hoped I had learned something from my two previous LTRs. Avoid narcissists, avoid boys who are not yet men. I divided guys into relationship possibilities or playmates. None of the relationship guys panned out (no spark), but a DaddyHunt sex playmate --not my usual "type" btw-- with plenty of spark turned into a regular fuckbuddy, then a friend, and then a lover and now, two years later, we are a duo. We are not "married" and don't live together, and may never, but we are definitely in love with each other and unsingle, boyfriends, in each other's lives in a big way (both live in SF), and very happy about it. Very lucky.

So, good things are possible, even for older guys (he's 55)!

But I don't have a recipe, a formula, or even advice that would work for everyone. Some traditional rules I kept, some I broke. We have had some tough times to work through. I have really relied on my friends to help me. And I think God has had a hand in this, too. It feels like grace, like an unexpected gift, to both of us. I was not looking for a guy like him, and he was not looking for anyone at all. But here we are. And he may in fact turn out to be the great love of my life: a happy, smart, funny, independent, decent and (to me) sexy man.

Compromise and patience? Lots. Flexibility and changing your mind? Lots. Learning to accept what you can't change, both in him and in me? Lots. Figuring out what's essential and what you can let go of? Lots. Ability to laugh at yourself and let him do that, too? Lots.

But laughing and a unique sense of belonging and well-being? Lots. Mind-bendingly wonderful sex? Lots. Lots! Actual affection and respect for each other as men? Lots. Common values and tolerance for differences? Lots. Easy companionship and intellectual stimulation? Lots. Desire to make each other happy? Lots. Gratitude, expressed often and clearly? Lots.

My ex grew into his current very good partnership over five or six years of roommate friendship that eventually turned into full-on romance. My best friend knew within ten minutes that his partner (now of ten years) was The One. Another friend dates constantly but without making a long-term connection. So what are the rules? Who knows?

Part of this is character and choice and behavior, but part of it is out of our hands. Or so it seems to me.

Wow. What a storm this blog has caused... Hot topic. Much to respond to, potentially...

For whatever it's worth, I've been in a relationship for four years now...a wonderful, loving, sexy, communicative, warm relationship. My partner and I met after I'd pretty much decided that God/The Universe/The Creator/Whatever wasn't interested in my being partnered with anyone. I'd had some brief LTR's in adulthood...nothing over a year and a half, and it seemed to me that it was just not meant to happen. I met guys through work, friends, on the street, on the net. The relationships always began intoxicatingly, SEXUALLY, and then became sexual/emotional roller coaster rides to hell in short order. For a time, it seemed easier to simply go out and "get some" when I needed it (I'm no "looker" in the standard sense, but I live in a big city, so it wasn't impossible). Fun while it lasted, but even that behavior lost it's allure as I moved into middle age. Easier (and cheaper!) to stay home, jack off, and read a good book.

In my early forties, I'd pretty much given up dating and resolved to be grateful for all of the other blessings in my life, and that's when he showed up. No brass bands, no fireworks. No week knees, not my "type". We met quite accidentally while having dinner with a mutual friend, and a small quiet voice coming from somewhere inside (somewhere north of my dick) said, "Huh..." That's it.

I got his number, called, and asked for a date. As I'd kind of made a decision to be happy alone, I figured I had nothing to lose. He said yes, and we met a few weeks later. Lovely dinner. Rushed, fumbling, not particularly exciting sex (though sweet and kind of honest). But the TALK was good, and it was very EASY to be with him, so I asked for another date. On that date, I asked how he would feel if we set sex aside for a month or so (note: I have not had coaching sessions with JS...the idea came from a shrink I had once...I remember I threw my snotty kleenex at her the first time she suggested it. Actually, what she suggested was, "No sex for 90 days..." I wanted to throw the whole BOX at her!). I assured him that I was interested in exploring sex further, but told him the truth: the pressure around sex was clouding the issue of my simply getting to know him, and THAT was my first order of business. I figured if this put him off, he wasn't the guy for me. Period.

Well, it didn't put him off. He looked at me with such relief, that I laughed. We both laughed.

And then we had several dates a week that first month.

There were dinners, plays, movies. There were even sleep-overs in that first month (with pants on...though somewhere we negotiated shirts off...). And there was lots of (what used to be quaintly called) "necking" and lots of kissing. Lots! Man, KISSING is really fucking awesome and satisfying. Of course, I'd known that before. Somewhat. But this was a whole new level of knowing. A kissing epiphany!

When the month was up, full out sex was something I actually felt ready for. And it was a very different experience. I felt incredibly (for lack of a better word) PRESENT with him...

Four years later, the relationship is one of the healthiest relationships (and one of the healthiest FRIENDSHIPS) I've ever had. Lots of work. Lots of pow-wows to talk about potential resentments or problems that might come up. Lots of sex. Sometimes. Less, others. Lot's of talking. Lot's of saying nothing together. Lots of travel. Lots of adventures (more than a few of them ain't all vanilla in marriage!) It doesn't look ANYTHING like I used to think a "relationship" would look. And HE doesn't look anything like the man I thought I'd end up with. But here I am with a partner I can now see spending the rest of my days with.

All of this is a long winded way of saying I'd mostly roll with what JS is saying. May not work for everyone, but it sure worked for me.

Whatever your path to the right partner for you, may you find it soon and walk it with grace.

Everybody breathe...

I'm not saying that all these "techniques" and "rules" won't work for some, but I don't think going out with a goal in mind ie. to find a boyfriend is very successful in most cases, what happened to just going out and socialising and meeting new people? The relationships that I have seen most success in are the ones that just happened naturally.
In my opinion, good things tend to fall into place.
But I am not saying that people should just sit around and make no effort to meet new people, maybe just ditch the formulaeic approach, maybe??
Again, this is just my opinion and I'm not saying it will work for everyone!!

I think your advice is sound, but when the chemistry is right, I think it is important to act on it -- not string it out over several dates. If two guys prefer to let the night pass and rekindle on another night, great; but if the chemistry is going, get the juices flowing, and the rhythm moving.

But, I've always avoided "instant combustion," by inviting tricks (b/f's) to linger over a cocktail, wine, beer, or juice -- in order NOT to pressure one into instant homoeroticism. Invariably, by taking half-an-hour or longer to talk to each other, to eye each other, to caress with our eyes, and seduce gradually -- heightens the intensity.

Too many of us were weaned on the bathhouse / sex club "act" without persona. By hospitality (one, both, or neither) we discover clues for closer sexual intimacy by knowing something about our partners. How a guy talks, thinks, smiles, laughs, reacts, tells me how great he'll be in the sack. They often tell us what their fears and anxieties are, which then reduces the fear.

And if I'm any judge, they keep coming back. Men want lovin' -- even if it's for the night, afternoon, or morning.

I'm clearly living in a different universe then the original poster of this blog. Most all the people I ever hear from either in response to me initiating contact with them or vice versa are interested in nothing further the hooking up; relationships are the farthest thing from their minds or worse yet "cyber relationships" WTF attraction is there for that?

Also they all are waiting for "the one" to suddenly appear on their own doorstep; guys think 50 miles is a journey into another dimension.

Very few have any concept of what it means to commit to a relationship, nor do they know what it means to stop being "me, myself and I" and becoming part of "us". What it means to be part of a relationship escapes them completely.

What a Hot Potato this blog is! There are as many 'right' as 'wrong' ways of going about dating, hooking up and everything in between.

This may be an off-shoot of the original blog, but still on-topic:
I've met some very nice men online & in person through this site. But I am amazed at the number of guys I've initiated contact with who do not respond, even if it's to say, "Thanks, but no thanks."
I've certainly been contacted by members I'm not attracted to, or who live too far away for anything but cyber sex and relationships, and I always respond; I would never ignore or not acknowledge someone if he took the time to message me.
I contact someone. I see he's checked out my profile. There's no reply. Am I alone in thinking this is rude? Is it typically an LA behavior, or does it happen elsewhere?