Fantasies and Porn

January 19, 2009
Category: Dating

Kirk,

I have always had to envision a scene from a porn flick in my head to get off, with every guy I've ever been with. I've talked to therapists about why I can't get off just on the present situation and the person I'm with.

A lot of times, I'm with someone who isn't physically attractive to me, but some aspect of their personality, or their voice, or their touch turns me on. So I watch a hot scene I've pulled up while we're having sex to get off. I thought it would be helpful to have porn going while having sex with someone- not to distract me from the sex I'm having, but more of a focusing tool, (a little ADD here,) and a mood setter. But I'm always afraid to ask for fear of insulting a sex partner.

Sadly, I've barely had the opportunity to be with a guy with whom I find really physically hot. This would be the bodybuilder, muscle boy types, And while I am muscular, and attractive and hot to many non-muscle types -  the muscle men I like don't find me attractive. There's probably some esteem issues mixed in there to.

Any advice? Is it OK to be fantasizing about porn while I'm having sex with a guy. Would you be insulted if I turned on porn while we were having sex?
 
Dear Porno King,

Sorry to start off with a crass, potentially offensive generalization, but my experience of therapists is that when it comes to sexual advice, you’re often better off asking a hooker. So you’ve knocked on the right door.

Lots of gay men are neck-deep in porn, so you’re not alone. I love porn and think it can be a really valuable tool. But it sounds like porn has you by the throat. It’s powerful information that you’ve never (really? not once?) been able to get off with a man unless you were imagining a porn scene you’d watched. As much as I love porn, I think you should do some radical sex experiments to try and shake up that paradigm. Not because porn is bad, but because interacting fully with the man in front of you can melt the walls and change your life. I don’t want you to miss out on those experiences, and it sounds like you’re craving a new dynamic.

I’ll be honest here and say that when I get into a sex vibe with a man who seems determined to have porn playing, it can be a turnoff. Unless it’s REALLY interesting porn. Otherwise I end up wondering if the man I’m with is insecure about connecting with me. We are so inundated with ringing phones, moving images, television and computer screens. Sex should be like theater and church – one of the rare times when people actually turn their devices off and have a blood and guts interaction with another human. You mention that you have ADD. Overloading on porn, while it may feel “focusing” in the short term, just crams more quick cut imagery into your poor brain, which is trying to keep up.

I have a couple of ideas for things you might try.

First, try giving your porn a breather. Clear your head of that imagery. Try jerking off to something lower wattage – like a movie with actors you find hot. It might sensitize you a bit to subtler types of eroticism. It sounds like you’ve built up a tolerance to porn. Try having a solo sex session with no porn whatsoever. Play with yourself in front of the mirror. Use toys, nipple clamps, wear leather, jock straps or weightlifting belts -- anything that has erotic charge for you.

Second, try making a sex video of you playing with yourself and jerk off while watching it. Indulge in the crazy narcissism of it all. Then try making a sex video of you playing with one of your play buddies. Feel out the situation to see how much you want to reveal to him about your project. Understandably, most guys don’t want to hear that they’re not muscular enough for you to be turned on by them. Just tell them you want to make a video. In some respects, men truly are as simple as dogs – jingle the leash and we’re ready to go. Make a video with someone and then watch it together while you jerk off together and continue playing. Even if it’s playing in the background while you guys are having sex, it’s a closer approximation to having a direct human experience. Most guys love the idea of seeing themselves having sex. If video is not an option, due to modesty or lack of a camera, try having sex in front of some full-length mirrors. It allows you to fixate on a visual image outside of your bodies while you stay connected to the person you’re with.

Another thing you could try is jerking off in a dark room. Say out loud what goes through your head. Describe it. Recreate the dialogue. Instead of resisting the idea of having these porn scenes going through your head, embrace it. Engage with the images in an active way by narrating what you see. When you find someone you’ve had sex with a few times and trust, try doing this exercise with them. You don’t even have to tell them you’re narrating porn loops. You could just make it sound like storytelling. Everybody loves a good dirty story. Maybe you’re a dirty talker! If you can develop an agility for dirty talk, people will fall at your feet.

Not to get all technical on you, since it sounds like you have therapists for that, but it seems like your pleasure center has gotten intertwined with porn and muscles. This isn’t a problem unless nothing else will get you off. That seems to be the case. Check out the amazing book “The Erotic Mind” by Jack Morin. He covers some of this territory in more detail than my column’s space allotment can address.

I’ve known a lot of guys who stop doing crystal meth and have a horrible time learning to have sex again. The ringing, twitching peak sexual experiences they had on crystal are impossible to recreate without crystal. They have to learn how to reorient their pleasure center so it’s not dependent on one single factor. This single factor can be all sorts of things: drugs, porn, a certain type of guy, sex in public places, a particular fetish. The thing that turns us on most can end up being a prison.

One of the glorious things about being gay is that so many gay men have incredible sexual gifts. It’s our legacy — a collective sexual knowledge that has been passed from hand to hand over centuries. At the risk of sounding jingoistic, gay men have better sex than anyone. People envy us the freedom and variety that we take for granted.

I have a longstanding belief that when I’m in a sex space, the man I’m least attracted to will end up being the best sex I have all night. It’s been proven time and again. Always take a chance on the ugly guy with gumption. He knows things you don’t. But it requires letting go of the porn loops in your head and being in the moment. That’s your challenge, as you know. Good luck.

Kirk

Kirk Read can be contacted at kirk@daddyhunt.com and welcomes letters seeking advice for this blog.

Tags: Advice, Dating Tips, Hunter's View, Sex, Relationships
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Comments

FYI: Narcissism, contrary to popular notions, has nothing to do with loving or making love to oneself. As a clinical diagnosis the term refers to a disorder in which individuals experience a sense of having no inner, “real” self. Consequently, they tend to compensate for this by becoming especially charming, dressing stylishly, and otherwise presenting an attractive image to the world. This becomes pathological when they consistently avoid letting anyone get to know them well, fearing that anyone who gets close enough would then know what they themselves deeply feel, that there is no one there under the attractive surface.

Jacking off looking at a video of yourself (or looking in the mirror) seems to me a natural behavior for homosexually oriented men, one of the special perks of inhabiting a body that is of the type likely to inspire sexual desire in oneself.

That is a really terrific exchange that I can identify with, from both perspectives. I too have had times when I've used fantasy and porn to get off, using my partner, maybe one that I settled for at the end of a bar night and not quite my type, as a physical placeholder for me to mentally attach a 19 year old blond tight end to. Poppers are porns partner in crime, they take my mind to that detached place where the john actually turns into the marine or the police officer for that 10 to 15 seconds, long enough to come. I agree that the best sex is where you connect totally with your partner, and make them feel like the most important person in the world.

Self esteem is definitely what turns guys on, so the more you love yourself, the more others will love you. Sometimes without taking to the level of clinical disorder, as talked about in the excellent response above, it is helpful to "fake it till you make it" and act confident about yourself, in a humble and modest way. Guys never know you are faking your confidence. Those techniques have gotten me pretty far with my average sized body and penis. I'm not saying to act like an arrogant dick, thats a big turn off especially people who have self esteem.

I can relate to the writer's question - though to a lesser degree. This can be an issue for me especially if my partner and I have been apart for a while (which happens with our work situations), and I've been getting my erotic charge from porn, or chat rooms, or c2c... But I do always find that when I give myself a porn timeout and allow my sexual response to reset on the man I love, the heat always rises again!

Porn can be a debilitating addiction for many of us because it's an immediate sex high and produces a private release with little or no effort, emotional or otherwise. It's habit-forming and just good enough to mask a lot of underlying insecurities in the short-term, but like all addictions can be a very undesirable master when it takes control of our eroticism - not to mention most our waking hours. By the time we realize it's no acceptable substitute for love (or the next best thing) we may be too far gone to just put it all in a box out in the garage and go find a real guy to get it on with.

Sex with a dude requires participation, and some degree of comfort-zone invasion if you don't see sex as a terrific way for two or more men to communicate and celebrate each others attractiveness and general being. In real time, your inhibitions have to drop significantly so you can be aroused enough to cum, and if you're with another guy you'll find he's more of an emotional bust than your remote control ever could be.

Porn makes no judgment about your attractiveness or performance - why not take the quantum leap and do yourself (and all your future partners) the same favor? Why not give yourselves permission to have lousy sex if that's how it's gonna turn out? Aren't you there to just have a good time? Sometimes great things happen in that space where we thought an earth-shattering orgasm was supposed to be...

Hi, I'm into pretty full on sex and I love rimming. I've been fantasising about rimming a guy's arse till he opens up and lets me take his shit. I really want to try it out, but am worried that I'll catch some dreadful disease. To be honest, though, in all my years of rimming dirty arses, I haven't caught anything. Is scat dangerous from the point of view of catching anything, including HIV?

Well, we have to remember that the poop shoot is designed to eliminate waste. Thankfully, most of shit, is, well, shit!! But mixed along with these undigestible waste products can be blood (from hemorrhoids, cracks or fissures in the anal canal, bleeding from higher up in the GI tract (anywhere from the duodenum of the stomach on down!), bacteria and viruses.

That's the rub. Some of these germs (bacteria, parasites, amoeba, viruses) can potentially spread something to you. Hepatitis A, for example, can be easily spread from the ass (fecal contamination) of an infected person to the mouth and gastrointestinal tract to an uninfected person, unless of course, you've already been vaccinated against hepatitis A, which is highly recommended. As can herpes, and syphilis, and giardia & amebiasis. Infectious bacteria like campylobacter, shigella, and salmonella, can also be spread through rimming or other mouth to anal contact. Unfortunately, no preventive vaccinations for these nasty germs. And no amount of douching, enemas, and scrubbing can prevent these germs from getting spread, if they are there. Douching and enemas and scrubbing can sometimes make it easier to get these infections. But the germ has to be present in order for it to be potentially spread.

HIV is not quite as straight forward. The virus must make a direct line to the uninfected person's blood supply through a fresh cut in the mouth; HIV is not effectively transmitted in this manner.

Hope this clears things up a bit!
--mark (a.k.a rocpitbull)

Hi Mark
thanks for your informed reply. That helps me a lot. In particular the information about blood and HIV transmission. From your reply it sounds as though rimming is potentially as dangerous as ingesting scat in terms of passage of bacteria such as salmonella etc. I've been vaccinated against Hep A and B. I suppose I'll just keep it to a minimum, try to stay with safe partners in the sense of guys I trust to be honest regarding their health status, and deal with the rest as it comes. I love rimming so much and I fantasise so much about scat with one or two of my fuckbuddies that I don't think I can entirely exclude it. One f/b shits into my mouth from his beautiful hairy arse, but so far I haven't swallowed his lovely earthy load. Maybe next time ...
pete

I am into alot also, the few things I do not get into are scat, blood, and permanent boldily harm, guns, knives, nooses...........
I see no problem with someone expressing themselves in sexual fun.......... On the whole I am a regular guy , nice house an ok job,,,,,,, yada yada yada........... but when it comes to high fun sex I am ready............ here are some samples of my thoughts....
It was a warm day as I walked through the neighborhood. The sun was really hot and it was a very humid day. As I walked I was sweating from the heat. I took off my shirt and continued. I walked for about 20 minutes when I found myself at the end of the developments. There was a dirt road, I guess the start of a new developement. I proceeded down the road..... there were a few half built new homes....then I came upon an existing falling apart cottage. For some reason I felt drawn to the cottage and went into the yard to look around.

No one was around so I dropped my shorts so I could take a leak. I pulled out my cock and pointed it at the ground and started pissing. I heard a rustle in the bushes and then a half naked man came out and looked at me pissing. "nice cock" he said......... he came closer to me and stood right next to me as I finished pissing. "thanks" he told me. " I think I need to take a piss too after seeing you" he said... so he wipped out his cock..... it was about 9 and thick... he massaged it in his hand until it got hard......... then he pointed it just past my feet and started pissing.... I watched his engorged cock as it shot a huge stream of piss, never ending it seemed. Nice stream" I told him.. "Do you want some ?" he said... Sure... and I got on my knees as he aimed in my mouth, also getting some on me before he reached it.

He pissed for along time and I didnt think i could take it all so I pulled away and he drenched me all over with it until I was covered . "we need to get u cleaned up now..." he said.

He lead me to the back door of the cottage. The door was open and it was very dark inside. I went in first.. once I was in he follwed me....then I heard the door shut. There were no lights and it was too dark for me to see anything. we wondered into the next room. once we entered he grabbed me and put a blindfold on me. Then he put my wrists in shackles.. I still had my shorts on so he pulled them off, and shackled my ankles.

"What are you doing? " I asked he was silent and said nothing other than just "do what your told" and he spanked me hard! "OUCH!" THAT HURT..... Then he said " we havent even started yet" as he evilly chuckled. Then he came over to me and placed a gag over my mouth. At this point I knew something was not right... I squirmed and sweated not knowing what was happening and fearing what could. It felt to me like I was in the middle of a room, I could feel a slight breeze once in awile around me.

I was shackled and spread eagle and blindfolded... I still had the coating of piss all over me and I was sweating........i heard a few noises in the room, couldn't make them out too well......then I felt the guy put a wet rag over m y nose and tie it around so it stayed there. it was soaked in poppers and soon I was drifting into a state of hungry pig. I felt like the room was getting small and warm and I was raging hard and hungry for sex.......I heard Him say "stay there I will be back" and he left the room...... I must have been in the room alone for 30 minutes it seemed.... with the constant aroma of poppers on the rag........ at this point i was so crazed for sex and all I would do anything.

I heard the door open.......then I felt hands all over me........ my balls were being squeezed my cock pinched, then I was being spanked on the ass.............. someone was putting clothespins on my nipples and on my balls... I was moaning and trying to talk...... they disregarded anything I said...........then I felt some hot piss all over my body stinging where I had been pinched and spanked and where the clothespins were.......then from behind I felt a thick cock at the entrance to my hole...... I heard one guy say "hold him still" then he shoved his thick cock in my hole... I wasnt prepared for a big cock and at first it hurt a little, but no one could here my pleas.......

Once in he started fucking me deep and hard...... I kept moaning and grunting as he did... then the more i made a noise the more they resoaked the rag with more poppers until I shut up. After the first guy pulled out another one entered............ he fucked me even harder, I think he was bigger as well, I started really moaning . as he fucked me he spanked me and pinched my nipples.. making me know I was his prey.... after he pulled out they grabbed hold of me and unshackled me..... then I was taken over to a bench and placed on my stomach and reshackled onto it.......the bench was such that my ass was free and easy to fuck and my mouth was easily accessed also. They took off the blindfold and I saw about 20 men, black, white, smooth, hairy and various size cocks.. mostly hung...... all staring at me like I was a peice property, and meat for use...... They again resoaked my rag with more and even stronger poppers and ties it tighter to my nose.

Then they took out the gag from my mouth and I heard them all say..." you ready pig?" then before I could answer there was a cock in my mouth and one up my ass............... this went on for hours .. at times there were two cocks in my throat and up my ass..... at various times I was pissed on and spanked and flogged...... I was being used by them all... they all shot loads of cum and piss up my ass, down my throat and all over me. when they first started it hurt as the cocks entered me............... but the farther into it we got the less it hurt and I began enjoying every bit of it .. as one of the guys was pulling out of my mouth I cought a glimps of the room..... there seemed to be a whole line of men in the background watching and waiting for their turn. At some point I either fell asleep or went unconsious.

I woke up later............ the room was empty I was no longer shackled but just left on the bench............... my holes and body were sore from all the men...... I tried to stand up but I couldnt..... I saw a note on the stool next to me.... I grabbed it up and read it.............it said "Thanks PIG. your a great peice of property... Be here saturday at 1pm............" Then they all signed it. there must have been 50 signitures. first names and nicknames only of coarse............... I finally got up and stood.... the blood rushed back and I felt whole again......

(I COULD NOT WAIT UNTIL TOMORROW

I had been talking online to a buddy (SIR) and he invited me for a few days, After having worked out my schedule I agreed and drove down to see him.

The plan was when I came down we would go out to dinner and maybe catch a movie, then just catch up the weekend.

I finally pulled into the driveway; he came out and greeted me. HE got my suitcase and took me into the house. WE walked in a he put my suitcase down.

Then he walked over to the door and shut it and locked it.

Then his mood and attitude changed from buddy to dominant SIR. He grabbed me by the arm hard then looked piercingly into my eyes and said "ok boy STRIP!"

And I did. His voice was very powerful and a bit scary............

Once I was all naked he proceeded to collar me. Next he said "OK BOY you are to remain naked and collared all the time we are in the house. You are my possession, property the whole time. And will do and take anything I tell you UNDERSTAND BOY? "

I of coarse said YES SIR being half scared and half excited by the thought.

For the next hour he offered me food and drink and we talked. While we were catching up and talking he was rubbing his crotch and looking me over.............

Then he grabbed me by my hair and yanked and said "SUCK MY COCK BOY!' So I undid his jeans and pulled them off to expose a thick huge 9 inch hard cock.... WOOF.... I was in heaven.............. I put my lips over it and it throbbed and I took it all down to the base and went up and down on it getting it wet from spit for what seemed forever............man it was good............

"GOOD BOY" he said..................

He pulled out a Cigar and lighted it then he smoked it while I was blowing him................the smell of cigars made me very horny and I sucked him harder and harder. After a few minutes he looked at me and said "OK BOY..... TAKE MY PISS AND DONT SPILL A DROP OR YOU WILL BE SORRY" I said YES SIR..........

I felt his warm piss, bitter from the cigar fill my throat.... he really had to go allot and I could barely swallow fast enough to catch it all. HE pisses for what seemed forever..... But I took it all and did not spill a drop...

"GOOD BOY..............What would BOY like now?"

I pulled my mouth off and relaxed then said to him I would like to have a real drink and see his place.

HE was more than happy to give me a drink and did, and then he took me around to show me his place. We started upstairs and he showed me the bedrooms and bathroom and he put my suitcase in his room. His bed had leather sheets and was paneled with deep cherry paneling. And his furniture was very much like furniture you would see in a castle. And on the bed posts you could see handcuffs and ankle cuffs dangling loose. He then took me downstairs and showed me the den and office and kitchen etc..... He refreshed our drinks....making mine stronger every time he refreshed it that night,

After a few sips I began feeling a little odd. I was very light feeling and everything in the room seemed to fade out except for him and his voice........... (I figured the drink was just too strong) so we moved on and he put a leash on me.............then lead me down the stairs to the basement. Coming from the doorway to the basement you could see an orange red glow from below and very odd music playing, like Gregorian chant and demonic mood sounds. The surroundings became more and more faded out and all I could focus on was what was in front of me (HIM)....... eventually we got to the bottom of the step and I saw an open door way, like the door to a castle. The music was louder and he took me in............ As we walked in he shut the large wooded door and locked it..............I knew now I was going to be used.

he took the leash off and lead me over to a bench, he bent me over the bench on my stomach and put my knees on the padded knee rests and then my arms on the arm rests and cuffed and chained them to the bench so I could not move..... I was high and only could hear his voice and see him in front of me.........

He said " YOU ARE MINE NOW BOY!? EG

He then put a blindfold on me and tied a rag soaked in poppers over my nose. Not only was I high already from the drink (he must have put something in it) but also higher from the poppers....... I was so high I would do anything,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

He began to touch me lightly and make me feel at ease, then he cam to the front of me and grabbed my hairy hard and said open your mouth. I opened it and he shoved in hid rock hard 9 inch cock. I devoured it and sucked it hard like I could not get enough I sucked his balls and all and got it to the point of almost shooting then he pulled it out,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, he then moved away and soon I felt his hand on my ass and he began to spank me........at first light then he got harder at it until I wanted to scream and yell.... and I did ........ He paid no attention but stopped and then began to insert his cock in my ass and thrust hard...............................he fucked me harder and harder his 9 inches hitting my bladder and making me feel every inch. At times I yelled out ........... But when I did he spanked my ass as he thrust me. He continued fucking me for what seemed and hour then I hear him yell in excitement and he shot a huge load inside me................. I felt it as it oozed in side me and settled into my ass. He pulled out and said GOOD BOY!

Then he let me rest for a minute............ I heard him making noise as he looked for something. Pretty soon I felt him put something up my ass, then something around my cock and balls. I asked what is that SIR? But he said nothing.....

He held my head and caressed it and made me feel warm and cozy in his crotch................. Then all of a sudden he stepped back and I felt the oddest sensation up my ass and on my cock... a light tingle.... felt nice..... Then he stepped it up and I really felt it. He had wired me up and took it up all the way.. I felt hard deep shocks and spasms run in my ass and on my cock at times they were unbearable but I couldn?t move on the bench........................... he re soaked my rag so I continued to remain high as he used me........................... while I was having the elctro used on me I felt his warm piss all over me as he drenched my naked body from head to toe until I was dripping with his man piss all over and in my hair etc.............................he walked over to be in front of me grabbed my hair and put my nose to his hairy smelly armpit and I smelled it then he yelled out suck it BITCH !

I began to lick and suck it as I was drenched in his piss and being shocked by the elctro............................. I was his total BITCH and I loved it...........

After I licked and sucked both arm pits................ he turned around and pushed his ass in my face,,,,,,,, without his telling me I went to town on his ass and rimmed him good like I could not get enough.............. I eat out his hole and did all I could to get inside it and do everything he asked of me.... I was going to burst,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, he sensed that and turned around,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, and then I shot a huge load I could keep from shooting ... I never shot such a huge load...............................

He took all the wires and stuff off me and uncuffed me and stood me up.................gave me a big bear hug and said MAN your good boy.......and I felt great and wanted and warm.

We went back upstairs to relax a little..... And talk he put on a movie and we sat watched the movie talked and had a few more drinks................then the door bell rang.................. Before he answered it he cuffed me tot eh table so I could not move. I was naked and collared and cuffed .............and he opened the door.

He had invited his buddies over... there were about 10 of them.

After they all came in they stripped and put their leather on and sat down...... my friend introduced them all to me... "This is my BITCH! ?He is here for all of us to use this weekend all the time.......

I knew I was in for it.................

We all talked a bit and got to know each other.............and before I knew it............ it had started again.........this last drink again was laced and I began to feel light headed and high.................. then I was un cuffed from the table and leashed and lead with the group to the dungeon...............

We barely got to the dungeon when again I was blindfolded and poppered up and places on the bench. the time seemed to stand still and I was used and raped and fucked etc non stop, periodically I passed out to wake to their still constant use of me,,,,,,,,,,, my mouth and ass were so sore from their repeated fucking and thrusting..... And the only relief my holes had was their piss and cum which I swallowed in both ends............I was the group BITCH and was used for hours.............

Through the whole weekend I was either in the dungeon being used or relaxing upstairs with them, usually with my fade in their crotches.........................

By the end of the weekend I could hardly talk or move and was begging for no more.......................

[This is my fantasy # 3] can anyone help it become reality?

__________________

It was a warm balmy night and I set out in my leather to the local leather bar for a few drinks. I got to the bar and it was only moderately busy. I walked in and looked around... didn?t see anyone I knew. I wondered over to the bar and ordered a beer. I sat by the bar and drank it... A little later I noticed a hairy biker top enters the bar and take up the seat next to me. He was dressed in full leather and smelled of man smell. He had a very hairy chest and thick hair arm pits... just what I like....

I looked over at him and he looked at me and said hello. I thought I was going to die he was so rugged and good looking.

I said hello back and we started talking. I ordered another beer and bought him a Jack and red bull. WE talked for awhile and hit it off. He put his hand on my thigh and I immediately got hard and my leather jock grew in size. He noticed and took my hand and put it on his cock................

I was so horny......... we had an instant connection and knew it was going somewhere. He finished his drink as I did my beer......... He ordered himself another drink then turned to me and said.........can I fill up your beer? I said yes SIR! He took my empty bottle and said he would be right back...........he then came back with a warm beer bottom filled up..........I knew right then he had pissed in the bottle for me.... he said here BOY drink this.... and I DID.

WE continued talking through the night and he periodically filled my bottle through the night.

I told him I love motorcycles but did not have my own.

He told me he was a biker and had a Harley. HE and his friends were going on a bike ride in the morning and he told me to meet him and I could ride on the back of his...............so I said I would.

The next day I met him at his home. I got on his bike with him and we took off.

HE said his friend was going to catch up with us later.

About 15-20 minutes later I heard a swarm of bikes and it turned out there were 30 bikes catching up to us. These are my biker buddies he said. And he motioned to them to follow him. We all biked on a back road for about 45 minutes. He decided we would pull off into a clearing because he had to take a pee.

We all pulled off the road and stopped. Everyone stayed on or near their bikes but me and my buddy went to the edge of the woods. He told me get on my knees and opens my mouth. I did and he put his huge cock in my mouth a started to piss. I was in heaven his cock was hot and the piss great... I was focusing on him and his cock............just then another biker snuck up from behind and grabbed me. Pulled me up through me over his shoulder and them both took me back to my buddies Harley.

The stripped me naked, bent me over his bike on my stomach so my mouth and ass were accessible from each side. I was cuffed to the bike and blindfolded; then I was given constant mega hits of poppers until I was high and horny.................then all the bikers proceeded to use me all afternoon I felt cock after cock in my mouth and ass sometimes 2 at the same time up my ass and in my mouth...............................after a few minutes (20) I was ready to stop and started to say can we rest..................but the guy that brought me said..........."oh we are not at all finished yet" for the next 5 hours I was fucked non stop and spanked, flogged, uses, pissed in etc.........then it seemed to stop............ they all got on their bikes except for my buddy and drove off. I thought this was it I could finally relax and rest . He gave me bottled water and asked if I was hungry......

We did relax for a bit............... then he put the blindfold back on me............. soaked a rag in poppers and tied it to my nose............. I heard the roar of bikes..............and within 10 minutes I was again being raped and fucked and used.....................at one point I think I passed out, but they kept going.................... Finally it became late about 7pm and I had been used all morning and all afternoon and was extremely sore.

I hear the bikes go off and then my buddy said you had enough boy or shall I get more.....................

I said yes SIR anything u want SIR.

[This is my first and most desired fantasy..................can u make this happen?]

__________________

I decide to set out on a drive........... After a few minutes I stop the car on a back road so I can walk for while. I lock the car and set off on foot. It is a dirt road and seems pretty much deserted and not traveled much. As I walk the sun is beginning to set and dusk is setting in. I continue to walk, and come across a building on the hill. It seems to be dark and deserted. The house is a half stone half sided house in some disrepair. AS I look I notice the door seems to be half open and there is a dim light barely noticeable coming from the opening. Well I am a curious guy so I wonder up to it.........

I cautiously look around, all seems quiet. When I get to the door I peek inside and see nothing around so I decide to wonder inside.

I open the door more so I can get in. I wonder into the room more until I hear the sound of the door slam shut. I now get a little worried. What am I doing here....?

I hear no voices or noise so I figure it to be the wind. I walk a little farther until I stumble to the wall.

I try to turn around to find my way to another entrance or opening but then I am grabbed and gagged. I cannot talk... I feel a blindfold being tied around my eyes , not that I can see anything anyway, and then my clothes are being taken off until I am totally naked and blindfolded. I am screaming and trying to get away but they have a tight hold on me and I have been cuffed and collared. I am then lead into another room where I sense more people in the backgrounds and a new scent. I am lead into the center of the space I believe then I am places on my stomach on some kind of a padded bench which supports my middle torso only and I am free in front and from waist down..... Then I hear a little mumbling from the men who cuffed and raped me....

"Stay still and do as I say"

They alternately take my arms and ankles and cuff them to this bench so I am doggie style on it.

They then put some kind of a damp rag/hankie over my nose and tie it on.........I then realize it is soaked in something that makes me loose and high. They leave me there I feel or hear nothing for several minutes......I am drifting into a state of euphoria and loose feeling... I am high. Just then I hear a loud rush of footsteps, obviously more then a few men worth. A door opens and it?s like a stampede... I begin to feel men all over me, touching me and just taking advantage of me non stop my mouth soon has a big cock in it as does my ass................. at first I squirm and try to wiggle and get away but I am confined and cuffed and being raped by a gang of men...... eventually I give in and just do and take everything I am told.............this goes on for about 1 hour then they all leave, but before they leave the re soak my hanky in this stuff and and I feel a man in each end taking a piss in my holes I try to spit it out from my mouth but I am slapped and ordered to drink it............ he grabs the soaked hankie and squeezes it tight to my nose and I get a huge hit of this stuff until I welcome his piss and just become a used pig..... Then they leave... I figure ok they are gone and after a few minutes I try to escape get myself out... I cannot uncuff myself or move i moan for help.............. I get a little tired and fall off to sleep/

Then I am woken up by the men again and it continues.

[This is a fantasy of mine]

It was a warm spring night. i had on my shorts and a tight t shirt....... ........

I stopped my car at a rest area to get a cup of coffee and a snack. I got out of my car and walked across the lot to the food area, all the time scratching my crotch .

I went inside. Before i ordered my cofee and snack i went to the mensroom. Most of the urnials were taken but one. so i took it. next to me were to trucker type men taking a huge piss. i couldnt help but notice their cocks....... ....i think they saw me looking ............ ...

I zipped up and left.

went to order my cofee and snack....... .......

i sat inside to drink it. then got up from the table walked outside.

i waited by the entrance a few minutes and then walked around towards the truck end, once in a while scratching my crotch or stretching. sometimes . as i stood there a trucker walked by and looked at me.......... .

I noticed him and looked back said hi to him as i cupped my balls and such.... He walked over to me and said hello ............ .. he was a hairy driver in a tank top and ripped shorts...... ......... ..

i got a hard on immediatly . he said wait till he got back to his truck then come over and open tha passenger side.

I waited until he closed his door. then i walked over........ .

I opened the passenger side of the cab and climbed aboard. the cab was dark except the light from behind the sleeper cab curtain..... ......... ... i heard him say come back son......... .

I opened the curtain and there was a read ligh illuminating the sleeper. he was naked other than chaps and a vest........ .. the whole sleeper was like a dungeon. all sorts of bondage toys rope cuffs etc......... ....

he told me to strip, i did, and then he cuffed my wrists and anakles to hooks in his sleeper so i was acessible from both ends........ ........ he then touched me held my crotch tight. spanked me.......... then ordered me to suck his huge cock........ ..I did and worked on it for some time........ ...all the time he kept giving me mega hits on poppers..... ......... i couldnt get enough of his cock........ ......... .. then he took it from my mouth and put it in my ass......... i moaned for it begged to be fucked...... ...he teased me.........i felt it against my crack....... ....... then he spanked me some more and finally shoved it in hard until i screamed.... ......... .......

he told me to shut up and not make noise....... ...... with his cock in me he reached up for his gag and put it on my mouth and tied it.......... so i could not scream....

then he fucked me good i felt it hard and was moaning in my gag......... ...

then he pulled out......... ........ i dont know why he stopped..... ......... ....

he gave me another mega hit of poppers until he was sure i was ready....... ..then he said ill be right back........ ..... ( he also had a side entrance to his sleeper i didnt know about before...) he got out then i heard some talking outside..... ......... ...couldnt make it out... sounded like another trucker..... ...\

the door reopened.... .....and then i heard a group of truckers and they all got in the sleeper and the sir said ok guys lets rape this pig......... ......... ........

before i knew it they were all over me all my holes had cock in them sometimes 2 at a time........ ........ i was being fucked at both ends and used hard........ ....there was also a trucker sucking my cock at the same time........ ......... .. another one fed me poppers non stop........ .....and i was used for hours taking all their cum and piss in my holes and more........ ......... ......... .......after about 3 hours they all stopped..... ......... . got out of the sleeper and i was left alone for a litle while....... ......... ......... ..then the door opened and a group came in again....... ...the trucker said ok guy here are some other truckers ready for you......... ....... get ready bitch! and it began again....... .....

must have lasted all night ............ ......... ..
These are samples of my thoughts. U interested in mthem? email me........... so far they are only fantasies........... i hope they can become reality sometime..........

grrrrrrr

I have had the same problem, but over time and as I fell in love with my partner and our sex life developed he became my main fantasy. Is there a specific sextual act in the porn that gets you off? Have you tried watching porn with your partner?
Secondly, making the sexual experience all about the ejaculation robs you of enjoying the act itself. Erotic touch, romantic feelings, taking time to make the act special can all help. If the only time you snog is drunk after the bar, or in-between American Idol and Bones, your lovemaking will not be of the same calaber as if you make time for it

Many Bisexual/Gay men fantasize almost each and every time they have sex with a partner, and there's nothing wrong with it. Even heterosexuals are like this.

Not necessarily to porn/scenes from porn, but just sexual fantasies.

I've talked to Psychologists about this too and they've told me how it's completely normal and how a lot of people do fantasize during sex.

I know a bisexual woman who told me how she does not fantasize at all during sex and for her to get off she has to see live sex but she's majorly into group sex, and she's an exhibitionist/voyeur.

I've had this happen a few times and at first it freaked me out but it doesn't happen all the time and it's not something that I do on purpose, it just happens out of nowhere.

Don't worry about it, you probably just have a very active fantasy life and a very healthy imagination!

Porn/Erotica is ALL about this, just look at Tom of Finland's erotic art that has men that have impossible cartoonish bodies full of muscles and elephant hung cocks, or just look at the number of gay/bisexual porns that have fantasies in their plots.

They're just thoughts, fantasies, remember that most fantasies are that, just fantasies and they're not going to happen or go about the way you want them to in your head, and it's not a bad thing and I know many same gender couples of gay/bisexual men where they do watch porn before/during having sex, or they'll talk about their fantasies as they're having sex.

I'm personally not a big fan of watching porn while having sex but many people are of all genders/sexual orientations.

My ex is a bisexual man and we would talk about our sexual fantasies while we had sex and it didn't bother me at all when he would fantasize about other men/women/trans people or having different types of sex with them besides the vanilla sex that he and I were having together right then.

I'm not into scat but for the guy that fantasizes about it, look up FAQs on scat as they are out there and they will tell you the answers to the questions that you have.

I think Kirk is right on and although i have my own problems, when a guy asks me if it is okay to watch a porn movie while we play is really a turn off, but i politely say no problem. While we are having sex, i wind up spending my focus on the video, not the sexual fun i am really into. I wind up watching a video i have not seen and do not have at home as it is different than what i might have at home. Your drug of choice is the video porn and it is giving you the high and taking away the natural high you could be having with a guy if you took and put all of your energies into the sex and the other guy. Drugs are a distraction and you may have ADD, but that is a cop out i hate to say. The best drug in the world is the human body endorphins and when you get yourself so wrapped up in the other guy you will find yourself so high that you can actually make yourself drunk. YES, i have been there and many times. Allowing yourself to do more than the standard vanilla things you are used to doing will create an opportunity for those endorphins. I do not know what you see in the porn that turns you on, but put that into your own sex life and make it real. There is nothing more exciting than the reality of being in your own sex porn video in your own mind and being so wrapped up in it. If you have a video camera going all the better, but forget that it is running and be your own star as you focus on the other guy and his needs. You will also find that if you service his needs rather than your own, your own will come with due time. I do things with guys that they have never experienced before and wind up getting them off without even worrying about my own release. if the other guy is into it he will be involved enough to want to get you off too, and you will cum, because you are so sexually charged up by your fantasy of what you were doing with the other guy. Sex is all in the brain and if you let go and start doing some odd things or even kinky things you may be surprised. Also, when your partner is moaning, be aware and intune to what you are doing that causes him to moan and then do more of it. If, for instance when you suck him and you notice that he moans when you go all the way down, do it more often as you are able. Use your tongue and your lips, and especially on the underside of his cock as that is the area that usually will get a great deal of moaning and likely get him off. One more thing, do it blind folded so that you can create your own image of who you might be doing regardless of the physical look or attraction, you may or may not have.

Hope you find happiness and that your sex life is a blast once again.
PSW, randy
wantmy9

Kirk, you need to get a clue. Some of good advice in there, but the comments on therapists - whoa, dude, flat out irresponsible!

Did you notice that the Porn King never mentions any type of emotional connection to sex? Not even friendly or fuck buddies? Think that might have just a little bit to do with the 'problem'? Even a teeny, tiny bit?

All therapists are not interchangeable, and should be selected based on the things you are hoping to work on. Issues on sex? Don't opt for a therapist who specializes in attention deficit. There are lots of ways to find good, qualified therapists and to learn about their areas of expertise. Ask your doctor. Friends you trust. Check out the websites of groups like the National Association of Social Workers, American Psychological Association and the American Counseling Association. Look to specialty groups - in cases like this, try the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (www.aasect.org). Make sure the therapist is licensed and certified.

And gay men as sexually gifted? Get a reality check. Lots of gay men have created repression and denial as ways to cope in different parts of their lives. Dropping that baggage can take work (and, for the majority of folks, does not require a therapist to accomplish. Sad to say, we get caught in all the traps that straight and bi and asexual folks do. Tops, bottoms, butch, 'straight acting'... all labels that put in limits. Just because we like one thing more than another doesn't mean the rest should be off the menu. You may be past that, but don't assume that others have made the leap.

Fantasy is part of most sexual experience. Few of us remain totally focused on the person we are with, or what we are doing at the moment. The ability to use the fantasy is the key - I may think Michael T. Weiss is one of the hottest actors around, but it does not mean I have any real expectation of his showing up in my bedroom. But the idea of what he might join me in doing with the guy in front of me....

So, Daddyhunt, seek out someone who is more than a Dan Savage wannabe to do your advice column.

Not buying your line Seamus...Kirk is quite responsible and he stated his frame-of-reference as well as his opinion of therapists up front. His advice is reliably insightful and he shouldn't be discredited. Licensing and accreditation are no guarantee of effective therapy - despite what the over-priced industry (and you) would have us believe.

The reality of therapy is that despite referrals few people actually find an appropriate therapist easily, and often spend a small fortune and waste time with ineffective counselors and other "professionals".

The original sender emailed me this and said it was okay to post here:

Hi Kirk- I'm the "porno-king" an article or two back. I just wanted to say thank you again for your advice, and watching too much porn and masterbating too much out of boredom can really affect the "real thing" when it's there.

I've had a string of successful experiences- came every time- was careful not to jerk it a couple of days before hand, so I had a nice, lusty, load built up. Still visualize a smooth bodybuilder that I'm doing it with, but at least I'm in the fantasy instead of watching two other guys have fun.

Thank you again.

I find the comments useful to some extent, however I think you should give more useful help too, like one, don't bash therapists, and two suggest other possible avenues, maybe sexaa.org. Maybe Porno King has an addiction to porn that he can overcome alone.

Hello all check out my profile i wanna become a pornstar with jay taylor im way hotter than any of those nasty boys he has been fucking

Take it from someone who used to drive them during testing: those big earthscrapers, bulldozers, wheel loaders can be a real blast to drive. All that power and noise and the bumpy ride can be quite a rush.

But so can a bike ride in a great place.

Sex doesn't have to be a choice between the two. But given the choice, I choose long explorations into mysterious places over the diesel-powered kind. It doesn't always have to be about rodeo!

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