DaddyHunt Navigator: Reading Between The Lines of Profiles (even your own)

December 31, 2008
Category: Dating

Ready to join DaddyHunt but confused by all the terminology?  Don't be.  Here’s a step-by-step, straight-shooting and to the point guide, that will hopefully uncover some general truths while de-mystifying the DaddyHunt application process. Remember, Daddy knows best, so pay heed.

GENERAL INFORMATION

Country, State/Province, City/Town, Zip/Postal Code:
Let's assume since you were savvy enough to find DaddyHunt and get to the profile application, you'll likely find little challenge here. Next!


How Do You Describe Yourself?:
The choices are "Daddy" and "Hunter".  Here's how they break down:

Hunter = Younger Top, Looking for Daddy and/or Bottom (any or all of these)

Daddy = Hairy Top, Businessman, Older for Younger, Daddy in Training and/or Older for Older (again, any or all of these)

Personally, I’ve found it’s usually easier to just think: "Hunter"=Bottom" and "Daddy"=Top. The exceptions will make themselves known.

Birth Date:
Most people on other sites lie by a couple of years, on average. Just remember, whatever birth date you put will reflect an automatically calculated age for you on your profile. I used to fudge it by 2 years or so. On DH you don’t have to lie about your age; it’s an asset, not a liability! So, I decided to come clean and tell the truth. It’s very liberating; try it!

Relationship Status:
Don’t be a schmuck and put Single if you’re Partnered or Married. If you choose Open Relationship, maybe it’d be a good idea to first make sure that’s the way your other half also defines it. Suggestion: You may be lucky enough to be Monogamously Partnered/Married, in which case you can always include that in your profile text.  Believe it or not, some guys are not online to find a relationship or hookup, rather just to correspond and make online friends. Be Warned: Married/Separated can often mean “closeted” or “on the DL (Down Low)”, which can sometimes mean they’re somewhat unreliable when it comes to meeting. Maybe it’s because they’re looking over their shoulders, afraid of being found out? If you're trying to figure out what "Poly Relationship" means, just remember some guys have very fulfilling and committed relationships with three or more of them in the relationship.   It takes all kinds to make the world the crazy and fun place that it is.

Drinking Habits:
Most everyone picks socially, except possibly born-agains and members of 12-step programs. And that’s…okay. If someone puts Regularly, I suspect a possible practicing alcoholic or a young lad whose idea of fun is drinking until he has to “drive that porcelain bus”.

Smoking Habits:
Basically, anything other than Never usually = Smoker.
Sometimes Ex-Smokers can be judgmental, pious, self-righteous, and not a little insufferable about it. Smokers, prepare for a lecture.

PERSONAL DETAILS

Appearance

Body Type:
This one has a huge margin for error, potentially one of the more deceptive answers in my experience, second only to Dick Length. Perhaps it has something to do with our tendency to be uncomfortable with our bodies. Athletic and Muscular would seem to be fairly subjective, but you’d never know it from some of the guys who categorize themselves as such and, upon meeting, are anything but. Here’s how it typically breaks down:

Athletic: Generally a pretty toned guy with good muscle definition.   Might be lean or fairly buff.
Average: A body that hasn't seen much time in the gym but the owner still pays the monthly membership fees.
Muscular: Anywhere from beefy and strong to a ripped bubble body.  There's lots of room in this one.
Slim: Usually means skinny but can also include those ripped wiry guys (who often seem to also have monsters between their legs...)
A Little Extra: Overweight but not as big as a house
Bear: Bigger than average, usually with a belly
Heavy: They’ve gone condo (i.e. – bigger than a house). And that’s…okay, because “there’s more to love”!
I’ll Tell You Later: Negative body image.

Body Hair:
If you’re Hairy, you know it. Otherwise, don’t say you are because you’ll likely disappoint some of the many hirsute-ophiles out there who’ve just gotta have their fur fix. Note: Smooth and Shaved are not the same. One is natural, the other is…not!

Facial Hair:
Keep it updated if you switch it up a lot.

Dick Length:
If only we didn’t lie to ourselves about this one. Since we do, here’s how most guys answer:
Small: Miniscule, possibly requiring a magnifying glass
Average: Small to Average
Hung: Average to a nice feel in the hand when flacid
Horse Hung: Delusional (they’re lying) or dangerous (they’re not)

Remember, what really matters is how you use what you’ve got. “It ain’t the size of the boat; it’s the motion of the ocean.” You may quote me. Check out R. Jackson's post for a great discussion on dick size.

Girth:
Significant to Fat or Thick lovers (you know who you are).

Cut/Uncut:
Fairly clear-cut (pardon the pun!).

Eye Color:
No-brainer, unless you wear colored contacts.  I’ll admit I’m a bit stumped by the choice of Black, as I have yet to meet anyone with black eyes.

Hair Color:
Tricky for guys who are bald on top but still have some on the sides. Better to just choose Bald and further explain when you’ve established a dialogue. If you color your hair, put whatever color you’re currently wearing and pray it doesn’t wear off before you meet!

Background

Occupation:
Helpful to those for whom work and career are a priority. Personally, I find it irrelevant.

Education:
Most people seem to be honest on this one. Some like the idea of an ivy-league preppie; others can’t resist the allure of a hot working-class man.

Spoken Languages:
No-brainer. Next!

Looking For

I Am Looking For A:
Remember how you described yourself earlier? Use the same guidelines here and you won’t go wrong.

Age Range:
Try to come up with something that approximates your true preferences. People do notice. Try not to be too arbitrary.

Type Of Relationship
:
Know what you want. If you’re really just looking to hookup, for God’s sake, don’t put Dating or Long Term Relationship, put Casual Sex! On the other hand, if you’re just into Cyber/Phone/Pen, don’t put Long Term Relationship. Get the idea?

NOTE: Friends/Buddies can often be code for Friends With Benefits and/or Fuck Buddies.

YOUR INTERESTS:

Sexual Interests:
So many options, so little time. Here are a few explanations, for those who might not be up on the shorthand:
B&D: Bondage & Domination
Pig Play: If you don’t know, you’re probably not into it.
FF: Fist Fucking
BB: Barebacking (i.e. – no condoms)
S&M: Sadism & Masochism
WS: Water Sports, not the kind that’s done on skis.
Rimming: Oral stimulation to the anus. Please be aware of possible risks for contracting parasites. Ask your doctor or Google for more info before you engage.
PNP: Quite literally, “Party ‘N Play”. Most typically associated with heavy drug use. Proceed with caution.  On DaddyHunt, check "No PNP" if you don't want to deal with guys using heavy drugs.

Positions:
Be sure you know the meaning of Versatile. Otherwise, don’t dodge the question by choosing every option or, worse, I’ll Tell You Later.  It’s confusing and off-putting. I have no patience for guys who fudge on this one with something like “not limiting ourselves by arbitrary labels”, yadda-yadda.

Safer Sex:

THE SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION. If someone answers with anything other than Yes, it could mean he’s okay with risk, including bare backing, and may also possibly be Poz.
I realize this can be a very emotionally charged subject; many guys are quite offended by the question and feel it’s discriminatory to ask about HIV status and/or safer sex. Follow your gut.

MORE INFORMATION:

Description:
Remember, don’t write your phone number(s) or e-mail address(es). And, for God’s sake, do I need to even tell you not to give out your mailing address?

General:
Don’t state the obvious, such as: “I like to have fun” or “Only interested in nice guys” or “no flakes”, etc. Make this information pertinent. For instance, don’t say you’re looking for love, dating, LTR then post nothing but sexy x-rated shots. Can you say “mixed message”?  Be creative and be honest!

Show My Profile To The Public:
If you want your profile to be visible to other members, including when they do searches, choose Yes. If you’re hiding out, closeted, don’t want to be contacted or seen by anyone, OR if you’re in the Witness Protection Program, choose No.

You can relax now; you’re finished. And what’s your reward for all that hard work? A new and improved profile that best conveys to all those hot guys out there the very special, extremely sexy guy you truly are!

Enjoy!!

Daddy Dearest,

Jay

You can write to Jay at Jay@Daddyhunt.com.

 

 

Tags: Advice
Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Share this
View all posts by Jay

Comments

This is all very helpful except for one point...if you're a 59-year-old daddy bottom, how does one capture that???

1) Why are you "anon?"
2) Think! You "capture that" in the narrative of your written profile. Is that so difficult?

How about making it clear in the first line of your profile? For example:
"59 y.o. Daddy BOTTOM....the best of both worlds!"
I've come across other profiles that are categorized as "Daddy" but, upon reading their ads, I've learned they're also bottoms. You could actually see this as a positive thing because it's the exception and, therefore, sets you apart. I'd advise you figure the best way to maximize your uniqueness and market yourself that way. Like it or not, it's really all about branding and advertising on these sites. As a self-avowed Top Daddy, I think the idea of a "Daddy" who's also a Bottom is a very hot thought!

All the best!
Daddy Jay

I thought the article was great - informative and clever. But I've never thought of the words "Daddy" and "Hunter" as meaning top and bottom. Obviously I didn't design the site - so what I think is sort of irrelevant. But it seems to me that "daddies" are simply older, while "hunters" are those who seek them. Sexually, most things are negotiable at the moment of the experience anyway, no?

This article was okay, but didn't really provide anything useful because the tone kept shifting. One moment you're being informative, the next, you're forgoing teaching for the sake of a cheap laugh. A lot of people don't know what a good deal of those shorthands under "sexual interests" mean, so instead of saying things like, "if you don't know, you're probably not into it," it would be helpful to actually go into a little detail about each.

Thanks for the constructive criticism. The point of the article wasn't merely to teach but to inform and, hopefully, entertain. On that last part I obviously failed with you. I'm sorry you found my humour "cheap"; I guess there's no accounting for taste. hehehe
Maybe you'll give me another chance to redeem myself in the future?

Happy New Year!

Daddy Jay

P.S.

"Pig Play" = down 'n dirty sex, usually involving manly smells, barebacking, bd/sm, cbt (cock & ball torture), cigars, roleplay, toys, piss, fisting, leather.....OR it can merely connote more a frame of mind and style of playing, but within a "safer" context.

Hope that helps. If you have specific questions about other codes not covered, I'll be more than happy to try to de-mystify them for you. I'm here to help, not hinder.

Daddy Dearest,
Jay
jay@daddyhunt.com

is HIV status really the most important question on here? yow. How shall I disagree with you? Most fundamentally, I'd like to define myself by things other than a viral infection.

Sure it influences how I play, and with whom. It influences my life in all sorts of ways. It is one of many factors that make a man. Don't get hysterical on this, please. It's not the same as being responsible.

Eric

If you read the statement... he said that "Safer Sex" was the most important question, not HIV status. Being HIV positive myself, I have been the victim of some discrimination because of it, but I don't dwell on it. No matter what your health, sex, likes/dislikes, etc., you are going to be "defined" by them by someone at sometime. I have talked with AND met quite a few guys who have either neglected to state their status, and/or (go figure) lied about it. Many people have differing views as to what IS the most important question. It just so happens the author decided this question was, in his opinion, the most important. Being allowed to express one's opinion is what makes this America. Just my 2 cents worth and besides, the article was helpful and humorous at the same time. :-)

I've been HIV+ for many years, under treatment for twelve years, undetectable for ten years and fortunately without any major complication until now. I'm also in a LTR (ten years) with an HIV- bottom man and never had a problem on this issue. He is STILL HIV-. We both had some experiences outside our relationship but have always been very cautious and straightforward to each other not hiding anything to ourselves.
I still can't believe some guys are stating in their profiles they only want to contact HIV- guys. Is this ignorance, bigotry or just plain racism? Could they feel as comfortable saying no asians or african americans?
You're supposedly adult, of a certain age and you've come a long way now. Just start using your brains and show some respect guys.
Best for all of you who don't act the same way.
Alfie

In total agreement with you, Alfie.
I am completely offended by the fellows who resort to the old line, "UB2" when boasting about being HIV negative or having no STDs. Cop out? Maybe. Insult? For sure!
A few years ago I read a line in a man's profile page which went something like this:
"Of the last 20 guys you had sex with, how many of them do you think were telling you the truth when THEY told YOU that they were HIV negative??"

First of all, THANK GOD that DH has finally changed the main page so that an old, unattractive still photo from an old video is not the only thing that is seen when one opens the page. I was very weary looking at that same sad photo month after month...

So I check out the blog and start reading the first post from JAY. He says that HUNTERS are tops looking for DADDY bottoms. Then a couple lines after that, he says it's easiest to just think of HUNTERS as bottoms. HUH??? What confusing universe is Jay from? So... HUNTERS are tops and DADDIES are tops? Kind of a dull world if you ask me... of course I guess having a "swordfight" is always an option. LOL. Or is Jay then saying that DH is a place for only tops???

“It ain’t the size of the boat; it’s the motion of the ocean.” You may quote me." // That's such a tired old saw. If there ain't no boat, there ain't no motion of the ocean (unless, of course, you're swimming and/or drowning). In other words, if there ain't no meat, there ain't no motion.

I'm a total top, but I put hunter because I totally get off on fucking muscular guys who are older than me.

I'm going to chime in and say that the "daddy" and "hunter" classifications are one of the most confusing parts of this site. I think they actually keep people apart because of the confusion, since you have to select which one you are in your profile and then searches are based on them. If none of us can agree on what they mean, then why make them a required part of the searches?

For me a "daddy" is the older guy, and the "hunter" is the younger one looking for him... in other words, what the site's name is all about: daddy-hunt-ing. Top and bottom don't seem to have anything to do with it. That should be a separate item in searches (as it is.)

I agree with those who say that HIV status shouldn't be an issue, but for most men it is - even poz guys like myself. The thought of getting all the way to meeting someone and stripping our clothes off and then having the guy ask my status and run out of the place when he finds out I'm poz is awful, so I prefer to have it know up-front. With the knowledge of our statuses, we can keep each other safe and healthy, and UB2s can go on infecting each other, since nothing anyone says seems to make a difference with them. I wish it wasn't so, but what can we do?

There's a lot of space in between publicly disclosing one's HIV status in a public profile and telling a pending sex partner as you prepare to climb into bed. If a mutual interest emerges in an online chat, there are plenty of opportunities before entering the bedroom to discuss HIV status (as well as sexual turn-ons and -offs), and that's how responsible, private adults do it.

This is certainly a useful blog, but - like others - I must disagree with the definitions of Daddy and Hunter. They're references to <strong>age</strong>, not <strong>position</strong>.

Daddies are older, looking for someone younger; Hunters are younger, looking for a Daddy. Tops and bottoms come in all ages - and sizes.

Yes, that can be arbitrary and at times misleading. It would be nice if there were a third option: <strong>Daddy/Hunter</strong> for guys who are looking for a range of ages - sort-of like top/bottom/vers.

I agree with Chi-Dad.... and that's what I was saying on my last post. A young guy would certainly be hard pressed to call himself a Dad. So if this site is supposed to bring together older men and younger men (clearly the purpose- look at the ads and videos), then most viewers' undertanding would be that a Dad is older and a hunter is younger. Who cares about top/bottom in that definition? Why not include hairy/smooth in the definition then? It would make as much sense... or nonsense. I was under the assumption that the men starting the blog thread were sonehow site spokesmen or at leat approved by management. That's how I read Jay's blog entry. And that's why I found it so confusing in what he was saying. One would think that the SITE would state what is meant by Daddy and Hunter? Or does no one know? Seems kinda odd to me!

SMOKER stuff: I smoked heavily for 18 years and have not smoked now for 18 years, so I think I am an "ex-smoker". I have a lot of empathy for smokers, ex-smokers and those trying to quit. They are among my family, my partners, my dates and my friends. When I quit I resolved not to become that "judgmental, pious, self-righteous, and not a little insufferable" guy you described. For the most part I think "that guy" is craving a cigarette and blaming others' smoking for that pain, and it is erupting into that unpleasant display you describe. All of us ex-smokers know him, but most of us are not him.

I try not to lie, and I appreciate that this site seems more candid that most. Now I learn from you that if I answer to "smoking" anything other than "never" that 1) it usually means I'm a smoker; and 2) if I put "ex-smoker", others should prepare for a "lecture" from me. Wow. Should I just put "never" as in the dodgy: "I never currently smoke"? Why have an ex-smoker category then? Just to identify a group to be judgmental, pious, self-righteous, and not a little insufferable toward?

I would prefer it if these profiles didn't require one to include personal information, particularly HIV status, sexual interests and dick info. Perhaps I'm old fashioned, but I don't feel that these things are any and everybody's business. I think profiles should be limited to the kind of information that would be immediately apparent on a first meeting and that one would share in a 5-minute encounter with a person he met at a cocktail party. If one wants to tell the world he's an alcoholic, bareback, HIV+ bottom with a 10-inch uncut dick, fine, but the profile shouldn't force these disclosures.

I agree with erastas. Although I answered the profile questions that came up, I thought that I was doing it by choice, not because I HAD to. Whether a man chooses to reveal if he's cut on uncut, etc. is his business alone. DH should change this immediately. And I hope that Chris and others are monitoring these blog entries because the members are telling what they think of the site...

Upon thinking about it more, the profile form shouldn't even ask if one is HIV positive. The law is very clear that this is a private matter, and while daddyhunt isn't an employer or landlord and so not subject to the law, I think it's important that the site respect the spirit of the law. Lots of gay blood, sweat and tears went into ensuring that one's HIV status be private, and I think it's pretty sad that a gay website trashes all that by presuming that members should disclose their status to the world.

Can you please tell me WHERE on the DaddyHunt profile form you were asked your HIV status???? Here's a hint: NOWHERE! The section of the profile form you so irresponsibly MISread is "Safer Sex". Your answer choices are: "Yes/No/Sometimes/Let's Discuss". Nothing about HIV status anywhere. Period. Before you start damning the site with lofty references to "the law" perhaps you should take a look at what you're condemning. Is that too much to ask?

You should be grateful for DaddyHunt, which happens to be THE most thoughtful, respectful, socially responsible and sophisticated gay site currently on the internet. I'm familiar with the persons responsible for this very classy website and I assure you, they are well-informed about the law and always strive to abide by it, literally AND in the right spirit. They certainly don't need a sermon from you about "gay blood, sweat and tears" or the importance of preserving an individual's right to privacy, most notably as it applies to HIV status. Nor do they deserve to be falsely accused of "trashing" laws pertaining to HIV status disclosure. Quite the contrary, they are among those very heroes to which you refer who are social/political activists out in the trenches fighting for all our rights! You should be thanking them instead of lodging ignorant, inaccurate claims against them.

Shame on you for such a ridiculous, useless, totally unfounded and erroneous rant!

And ANOTHER thing!

You are not "forced" to disclose any personal information about yourself, either. It's your option to tell readers as much or as little as you wish them to know. Your ignorance makes me seethe with frustration.

Seeing you are seething, I hope I don't exacerbate that. Indeed, I completely agree with you re: Safer sex .. it's careless to read that question as requiring disclosure of HIV Status and an overreaction to accuse the site of being legally shady as a result.

but ... I am also one who doesn't like to put on the profile more than would be casual discussion with NON potential sex partners, leaving sex details like position, cock size, particular sex favorites, etc. to disclose on an "as pertinent" basis or even to be fun in discovery in person. So I appreciate that MOST questions don't require a definitive response.

However, one question that DOES require you to disclose personal information is the cut/uncut question. There is no "I'll tell you later" type of option. I wonder why.... just seems odd and a bit awkward to HAVE to disclose that particular surgery.

I believe that one should be as honest and upfront as possible. Why deceive others by saying one thing in the profile and then say another when you communicate. I happen to enjoy the profiles that are very explicit with all the information. I cannot agree more that you should state alot of the the information about preferences, likes dislikes in the beginning of the profile statement. This way it will deter those who want to just be a game player from contacting you. I myself have had great success by just being totally honest and upfront. One should update the information as it changes as well. Again, you want to represent yourself positively!

I thought it was very helpful, but then, I'm an older-timer with most of the terms used. The ones I'm not familiar with, I think it's perfectly okay to ask one of the Daddyhunt staff members for an explanation. That's how we learn new things, asking questions.
How's that saying go,"The only dumb question is the one left unasked?"

A comment about languages. You mentioned "spoken languages" as the description heading. Please be aware that many people can communicate in American Sign Language (ASL). ASL is not a *spoken* language. For Deaf members, it's their primary language. And besides, we're all typing here, not talking. How about using something like "Languages Known"?

On the topic of HIV status. You are free to state your HIV status if you want to or not. I highly recommend anybody who is Positive to honestly reveal that information to their sexual partners before engaging in sexual activity with them, or risk potential civil and/or criminal legal issues. The same goes for any and all sexually transmitted diseases. Or even the common cold for that matter, anything communicable. If you are going to expose yourself to any sort of potential medical issue you should not do so blindly. Just because not everybody tells the truth, or even knows the truth, is not a reason for you to hide the truth if you know it.
Second, I reserve the right to reject any potential sexual partner for any reason, be it race, height, weight, age, cleanliness, IQ, or health status. I am attracted to what I am attracted to. Since I have been aware of how HIV is transmitted since I was 8 years old, (when my best friend died of AIDS, and my entire family was tested for the first time.) I have known that I would not only practice only safe sex (because a lot of poz people don't know they are), but that I would not practice any sex at all with people I knew to be positive. Its the same as the difference between driving your car and risking being hit by another drunk driver and riding in a car with a driver you know is drunk. Why take the extra risk?
This decision about who I will and will not have sex with does not make me a bigot, it makes me choosy. I am not deciding if they can have a job, or live somewhere, or eat at a restaurant, I am deciding who I am sharing my body with and that is a personal decision that should be respected, not matter what the reason. Plenty of poz guys reject other men for other reasons, such as not buff enough, or not hung enough. It's not a judgment against the person as a person, simply as a potential sexual partner. We can still be friends, I just don't want to fuck you. And if that makes me the kind of person you don't want to have sex with, what do I care? I didn't want to have sex with you either.

I absolutely LOVED everything you wrote and the way you expressed yourself! I couldn't agree more with your points and your position. I'm so tired of all the attitude and indignation out there when I merely take responsibility for my own body by making known my limitations and comfort level(s). It's everyone's right! I resent when someone tries to make me feel guilty for being honest about what I will/will not be comfortable doing with them. Thanks for stating it so well! I'm sure you speak for a multitude of others who are baffled by all the attitude out there, usually from barebackers who oughta be looking in the mirror!