Introducing a Daddy-Loving Miss, errrr Mister Manners

November 14, 2008
Category: Dating

I first met founder Chris Turner at a Billy Club gathering. The Billy Club is a group of gay and bisexual men who go on long weekend retreats in Northern California. Chris and I were both in our late 20s in a social group that was predominantly men aged 35-65. We were both in hog heaven, the youngest guys in the room, soaking up the attention of older men that we were both so hungry for.

We didn’t get to know each other really well at the time, because we were both so busy hunting for daddy energy. Seven years later, we reconnected and discussed the possibility of me writing a column for daddyhunt. An advice column. Miss Manners and Emily Post are some of my heroes, so I was game.

But there’s something deeply presumptuous about an advice column. Who the hell are you and who do you think you are to be telling me what to do? That’s a fair question. The American media is so chock full of whack jobs and self-appointed experts that we really ought to be more skeptical about where we find guidance. I don’t claim to be any sort of mental health professional. The only letters after my name are MFA, which arguably could stand for Mother Fuckin’ Attitude. Actually, it’s a master of fine arts, which doesn’t really qualify you to DO anything other than wait tables or work retail while you make art — it certainly doesn’t prepare you to dole out psychological advice to the masses.

My credentials come in the form of 22 years of having sex with older men. A lot of men. I don’t want to get all Wilt Chamberlain on you, but I will say that I’ve strayed far, far, far away from the prim and proper Virginia nest into which I was born. At some point I shed my Sunday school khakis and dress shirts and got down on the floor and got really, really dirty. I’ve paid attention and I’ve kept a diary for much of that time. Which hopefully qualifies me for something.

That said, I invite your questions and comments. I’m the sort of person who writes mostly by hand. I carry around a little notebook everywhere I go and write thank you notes, following the early advice of my mother (Thanks, Mom!). So please don’t think I’m rude if I don’t respond to every email I get, but I will read them and treat them as a resource for what people want to discuss here in this public forum. You can send questions to

A little bit about me: I’m a 35 year-old writer and performer living in San Francisco. I’m in a seven-year relationship with a man 24 years older than me. I’ve had a broad range of sexual adventure and I’ve been an escort on and off for the past nine years, so I’ve played with older men both for work and play. I have a deepseated, hardwired affectional preference for older guys and always have, dating back to my first boyfriend. I was 13 and he was 22. My age range has steadily crept up as I’ve gotten older.

Ultimately, my goal with this column is to articulate some of the dynamics of older male/younger male intimacy that don’t often get expressed. My hope is that that some of the things I’ve learned and am in the process of learning will be helpful in some way to this burgeoning community of intergenerational lovers. I’m not going to be mean when I write. It’s not my style. I’m not here to chastise anyone or read anyone’s beads. Who needs that shit? I think It takes guts to have sex with men and it takes even more guts to have sex with a man who’s older or younger than you are. So in that spirit, I will reclaim a phrase that was sullied by the Bush administration when they started to invade Iraq: Let’s roll!

Please send questions for future advice columns to Be as specific as you feel comfortable with. Names and locations will be withheld, and identifying characteristics may be changed to protect your privacy.

Tags: Advice
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Dear Kirk,

You speak of gatherings in Northern Virginia & residence in San Francisco as well as birthplace in Virginia. I am a Native New Yorker who moved to Alexandria about 25 years ago and from there to Washington about 15 years ago. You look familiar; have we not met in AC/DC?


Bob S

I'm in my 16th year with a guy 22 years younger. Looking forward to your blog. There's a dearth of intelligent information of the dynamics of such relationships. Best, Rick B

Hi Kirk,

Just wanted you to know that I buy "How I Learned to Snap" for all my friends birthdays. I make them read it to better understand me. I gave it to my fifty-three year old ex-boyfriend and he loves it too. I'm glad I ran into this article.

Trust him folks, he knows what he's talking about.

Thanks for everything.

Dear Kirk,

Just relocated my signed copy of LOVEVISION. Had forgotten that you studied at Playwrights
Horizons and worked at American Place Theater in my homOtown of the BIG Apple.

In AC/DC when last I knew, recent graduate from UVA were you. Where did you get your MFA (the Master's degree not the slavish attitude). LOL.

Far as I can remember you were "receiving" advice from me and I never got "any" from you):


Bob S

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